Annoying neighbour who won't leave us alone!

[Gimmethecake]

Just not sure on how to deal with this as nothing work's. We have a neighbour who thankfully isn't vile or has anti-social behaviour the issue is she just won't leave us alone she constantly knocks at the door at all hours daily and like yesterday the knocking on the door was very aggressive I'll admit it scared us because aggressive and we didn't know who or what it was about so ignored it,(just me and my son in the property). If I answer the door it encourages her to knock even more 4\5 times a day for no reason which is exccessive so I've been ignoring which makes no difference except I'm questioned because I've ignored the door when she sees me why wasn't I home when she was knocking! I've also been told by this neighbour as we're both single she can basically knock whenever she likes no idea what difference that makes and I was so shocked she said this I'll admit I said nothing i was speechless! I've tried explaining to this neighbour in busy have things to do etc or am out ...I've tried being off\rude to get and now ignoring nothing work's obviously as neighbours is rather stay civil at least and I know she has some issues so don't want to be horrid but it's getting too much now

What happens when she knocks? Does she come up with a reason for doing it, or does she want to talk to you, or what?

What does she want? Does she just want to chat or does she ask for help or make complaints?

What is her reason for knocking ? What does she say if you answer the door?

You just call out, “can’t stop what I’m doing right now Emily, I’ll let you know when I’m free but not going to be soon.”

Get your own back by knocking on her door at midnight or 6am. - tell her it's ok because you're both single and make sure you knock like you're the Police.

Kidding

Just tell her again, but more robustly this time. I expect you were too polite the first time.

People like this require you to be very VERY direct with them. I had an acquaintance who would ring our bell and then rant at me about all her woes, for hours on end, keeping me on the doorstep while my small children were neglected, the dinner burned etc because I never wanted to invite her in, in case she never left.

Then one day I realised how wet I was being. When she next called, I said, 'Now is not convenient.' She started, 'Well it is for me because I need...'and I cut in really strongly and said, 'What you need is not of interest to me. You clearly have no interest at all in my needs, no respect for my time, so why should I give any to you? Right now, my children are my priority and so is the dinner I am cooking for my family and once those priorities are done, I have my elderly mother 's needs to cope with...' I ranted at her for a good 5 minutes, the way she usually ranted at me for about 40 minutes. She was half way down the drive already. She never called again. People like that are emotional vampires. If you try to suck their blood right back they stop bothering you.

i agree you have to be direct. Answer the door next time, do not smile and say “I’m very busy Angela, you knocked at my door five times yesterday. I’ll let you know when I have time for you, in the meantime please don’t knock again”.

if she falls out with you, you can call it a win.

I had a neighbour like this who was actually one of my nhs patients. She'd knock or send her kids over for help with her diabetes and in the end I had to say extremely bluntly. Im off duty now Sarah and Im not your personal 24 hour on call service. You will have to call 111 from now on, do I make myself clear?
She didn't like it but she'd happily get me out of bed to deal with minor problems so I had to act.
Be really firm. She won't stop otherwise.

If she knocks aggressively, open the door aggressively and ask her, aggressively, why she was knocking like that. I find asking why someone did something crappy, before anything else, takes the wind out of their sails. Whatever her answer, just say don’t do that again, in fact there’s no need for you to knock here so don’t.

If she knocks politely, politely say you’re busy while closing the door. If she says but… just say “I can’t help you with that.” And close the door.

You might feel uncomfortable being so direct but that won’t last long whereas if you are direct, you’ll be putting up with that loon forever

My approach would probably be more direct if it wasn't your next door neighbour. You have to live next door to this woman for the next X years, so don't want to fall out.

I would proactively put a short walk or a coffee in the diary with her. Once a week or once a fortnight? Something that's time bound (eg: you have to leave at 3 to pick up the kids). Then if she comes round, you can just say: I'm in the middle of something now, so can't stop. Looking forward to catching up next Wednesday.

I'd also get a video doorbell. You can see who it is and talk to her through the doorbell without answering the door.

If you find it hard saying no, get 3 or 4 stock phrases together and use them whenever she comes to the door. Tell her no once, then mute.

@Gettingbysomehow 😯 that is insane, worst nightmare fuel.

Get a video bell with the voice part say you’re busy, can’t leave the kitchen, can’t answer, whatever and just hang up. no other words just hang up.

You need to revoke her access. So next time she knocks, you tell her firmly that you no longer consent to her coming onto your property. Then any further visits, you tell her firmly that she's trespassing and to immediately leave your property. If she still persists after this, you need to get a solicitors letter sent out to her, or log it with the police for harassment. Get a restraining order if she doesn't stop.

I had a neighbour who was lovely but hadn't got a clue. We had very different lifestyles, she had one baby, a cleaner and a gardener. I had 3 young children, full time job and my children had various clubs across the week. Whilst on mat leave she would wait for me to return from the school run, she would see me walk up the hill lugging 3 kids with me. As soon as we got in she would be knocking on the door for a cup of tea and a chat. I would be trying to get the kids a snack and changed for the activity that day.

Because she was so bloody nice I found it difficult to be upfront with her so instead kept the blinds down and told the kids not to answer the door. Lo and behold she scared the crap out of me and knocked on the kitchen window at the back. She had climbed over the short wall with her baby!
I then moved the bikes to in front of the wall to create an obstacle. It didn't deter her, she just moved the bikes.
She would come in and tell me how tired she was and had booked a spa day while commenting how busy I always seemed and how I almost always had marigolds on.

I am normally quite direct but because she was nice I felt powerless to tell her to piss off!

Moving forward I have minimal interaction with our new neighbours. Once burned and all that!!!

What does she say she wants in the times you answer the door?
If she knocks and it is for something meaningless you could say then you're busy at the moment and ask her then to stop knocking at that point and make it very clear as others have said.
I suppose you won't want to go down this route but after you've told her to stop knocking and if she continues it is anti-social behaviour so you could go to Police Station they might warn her to stop.
I know its easier to get on with neighbours but sometimes it's impossible.

She just knocks to ask a simple question like how can you cook chicken? Or can use use bathroom cleaner to clean a bath, so I do think it's just to talk or she'll talk about her day. So I think it's lonelyness the reason to fair but botanist too much especially when 4\5 a day

You definitely need to be direct. You don’t have to be rude or unkind but honest. “Sorry Sarah but I don’t have time for you at the moment and you are always knocking on the door. This is creating anxiety for me. Please stop’.

I have said before to her in busy etc but it's just ignored it seems to go in one ear and out the other!

I do this too and she just will keep coming back to knock. If I'm polite but firm, rude,ignore or just explain busy not today it's ignored. I've even stood in pain when I answered the door thinking it was my son before telling her I can't speak I need to sit and take my painkillers due to a injury and in pain and that's been ignored she wanted to carry on talking.

Ah right ..Maybe a stretch but maybe the neighbour before you she had this sort of relationship with.
I will change what I typed on previous post then, if it was me I just wouldn't answer the door and if she asked me just say I was working from home or had headphones on, hoping she would get the message then if it continued be direct like others have said. That's just me though, I avoid confrontation

What sort of "issues" has she got OP?

You need to be blunter or install Ring as others have suggested. Before she launches into her latest question tell her you are too busy to come to the door and hang up. If she returns the same day, ignore the door. You have already told her you are busy. If she has your phone number, block and delete. She sounds really needy and will continue to pester you if tlet her.

Ah you have tried being nice. Answer the door every time and say ‘stop knocking Sarah, it is too much’ and shut the door in her face. It’s like a toddler. Same message, every time. Stop worrying about her feelings, she doesn’t give a shit about yours.

It's not necessary to wait until she's ready to leave, it's not even necessary to let her finish her sentence. Because of her own actions you don't owe her the same politeness that you would give other people. It's perfectly fine to open the door, see that it's her and close the door again while muttering "fuck this shit". Make it a competition, 10 points if the door is closed within three words from her, 20 points if it's only one word, chocolate biscuit if you get it closed before her mouth opens.

Those are not the sort of questions one would expect a neurotypical person to be asking their neighbour. So that makes me wonder whether she is ND in some way.

Doesn't mean that you have to be on the receiving end of it all though.