School dinners - being charged when my daughter doesnt have them!?

[Girlsmum89]

Hi everyone
i need some advice. My daughters in year 7. She is a picky eater and struggles with new foods. Her school adopt a “family style” dining approach. This means your whole class group (example year 7a) eats at one big table and is served as if they was at home. There is no choice and its one meal for all regardless of whether they eat or like it. They do not get to pick what they can have like most other school and she doesnt eat any of the stuff offered which of course is her fault/choice due to her picky eating. I was aware of the family style dining, but i was never made aware and it does not state on their website that there is no choice and what your given it what you get.

When she first started i was paying £2.40 a day (£12 a week) but she would complain she was not eating anyof it as where a few others in her group because of the same reason and it did not smell or look appetising. She told me she was not eating any of it, not even accepting the meal to have and it was being given to another student and she would have NO food Infront of her whilst others ate. Again, she was not the only one refusing the food and ultimatly going hungry.

i emailed the school and spoke with the deputy head, he said she was not allowed to have packed lunches as this was their policy and its family style dining only and even with a GP letter unless she had a medical condition this was not allowed and there was nothing more i could do.

After this i stopped paying as i refuse to pay for food she is not having. i receive daily emails stating im in debt to the school.

i then with the head teacher. She stated “We had a conversation about your specific situation and whilst Ms understands that ** does not eat the school lunches, it was emphasised that family dining is a core part of the schools culture and that the lunch cost of £2.40 (as stated on our website) is compulsory, regardless of whether the meal is consumed.

how is this right? Why should i pay for food she does not even take let alone eat? Im having to fork out money for her to grab a crossaint and a breakfast bar after school as she complains of headaches and belly aches which the school is aware of but dont seem to care that her not eating is affecting her in more ways than one, including her concentration. I understand that people may have opinions that its her fault and its not as if shes not being offered anything and i understand that and wish she wasn't fussy, but she has been this since a toddler and ive tried everything to make her try new foods with no avail.

i still will refuse to pay as i just dont have £12 a week to waste on something shes not having, like i said, she doesnt even accept any food and sits there waiting for everyone to finish their food before that can be dismissed. Teachers see my daugher and some of her peers are not eating but care more about the money than the child actually having lunch. I know she is not going to starve, but going hungry for hours everyday upsets me.

can they apprehend me for not paying or take legal action?? Why should i have to pay for food she doesnt eat? What can i do? In other schools ( my neices for example) they go up and choice what meal theh would like, that being a sandwich or a hot meal ect and she pays for that accordingly and can also purchase extras if wanted at a seperate charge. Where do i stand?

thank you

Is this one of the Michaela-style psycho schools? If so then you’re going to have bigger problems than an arrogant and intractable approach to student lunches. I wouldn’t subject my child to 5 years trapped in Ms Birbalsingh’s bizarre mind palace for all the tea in China.

Did you choose this school, or was it a case of taking the only place you could get? If at all possible, I would move her.

Gosh that sounds like a lovely idea, I like the idea of a family style meal .

and you are being charged because the school order and cook a meal everyday for her .

perhaps you could encourage her to try new things ?

I have little sympathy as it seems the school rules are quite clear .

Am I the only one who’s never heard of a secondary school not allowing packed lunches? Not everyone wants to fork out for school dinners surely?

And I doubt the teachers care more about the money then the students

dinner money isn’t pocketed by the staff 🙄

It's clearly a key part of the way they want to do things so no, I don't think you're going to get anywhere with it. I'd focus your attention on encouraging your child to try some new food bit by bit. There can't be nothing in a week that she would try!
Or you can raise your concerns with the governors but honestly it sounds a significant part of the school culture, so if it's working for them they're unlikely to want to change.

she literally doesnt eat none of the meals. Its things like mushroom risotto. A load of other mums are dealing with the same. In the recent email they said they are trying to see about changing the rules around packed lunches due to this being an ongoing issue with a lot of other student:)

This is not on their list of school rules. This was also not spoken about and spoken about indepth about school meals. Only “family style dining” which i also agree is lovely. However, your attitude is not. Why bother if your going to be patronising about it. Im sure you would not like your kids to go 6 hours without food..or maybe you wouldnt care. Who knows.

My DD wouldn't cope with this either - she's been fussy literally since the day she was weaned and she's 13 now. I like all foods, so it was a shock to me! But she's happy with a basic packed lunch.

Hopefully the school will start to be a bit more flexible around taking packed lunch, which doesn't need to detract from the family style meals.

I would move schools. I sympathise with you because I have one good eater and then my youngest who has been a nightmare wjth food since weaning. I can promise anyone who says "just keep exposing them" or "encourage them to try it" that after 12 years my dd still struggles immensely with food and would not cope with being presented with a plate of mushroom risotto...I would love it.

It's absolutely ridiculous not to allow packed lunches, and even worse that you're being charged for the school food. The children could still all eat together if some had packed lunches and some had school lunches.

There is no way my DD would have eaten like that.
Her school did not allow packed lunches either but they did arrange for her to have a cheese sandwich, apple and flapjack every day.
This was a Private school though

Mushroom risotto is a completely normal thing to eat. You should probably be encouraging her to try different foods and join in, instead of humouring her and giving her lots of attention for causing a fuss.

Or just move schools.

That being said, they could at least offer a baked potato as backup choice.

Some children heave at the food served. I hate that we have fussy picky eaters. But if we was to starve out kids.. we would be reported. So many other parents have the same issue. Im unsure why packed lunches is such a issue, as long as we stuck to rules around allergens etc. its a small
school so they dont have facilities to do lunches like most secondary school where you line up and school. Which is fair but they did not tell us there is no variety of meals. Just one meal to choose (or not in this case) from.

I imagine there are a number of families who can’t afford this, especially if they have 2-3 kids at the school. How do they cater for special diets, etc.? I have never heard of a school where there isn’t the option of bringing in your own lunch. Have you got in touch with the governors?

Ive been trying to encourage her since reception. I dont find humour in this situation at all..

Honestly, I can’t believe this is true. Schools HAVE to cater for different dietary needs - if they only offered mushroom risotto what about anyone who’s allergic to mushrooms?
What is the name of this school?

Its very much true. People with allergies or medical conditions are the only exception to packed lunches. They sit on a separate table to avoid cross contamination ect.

OP - maybe your dc is not a 'fussy picky eater' and is suffering from ARFID. Has anyone ever mentioned the possibility before?

It is a properly recognised disorder, and can be caused by extreme sensory issues surrounding the smell or texture of food, among other things. It is notoriously difficult to overcome. It is a diagnosable condition though, so the school would be obliged to make allowances for it.

it is normal but how many 13 year olds have you met that say “mmmm mushroom risotto” ….it doesnt say a fuss has been caused and OP has stated this is a ongoing issue shes put alot of work into resolving and this is a set back , back up option would be the smartest option for sure but the issue is they wont offer one it seems

What a ridiculous and inflexible approach from the school!

Why the fuck can't family style meals a
include packed lunches too? There's no reason why you cannot also sit around a table all together no matter what type of meal you are having (packed lunch or school dinner). That's how we used to do it back when I was still at secondary school in the early eighties. It wasn't a problem.

Stick to your guns and don't pay for for the dinners. I don't think that schools can or should dictate what students eat.

Mushroom risotto can be great - but if prepared in a mass catering environment, chances are it really isn’t. Can’t blame your daughter - one of mine eats pretty much everything, but utterly refuses school meals.
Family style seems to be a code word for lazy catering/cost saving.

I think it sounds like a great approach from the school. Mushroom risotto isn’t that out of the ordinary.

i think it might be worth considering moving your child to another school if you can’t get packed lunches agreed or get her to eat the school dinners

I believe OP stated it was not made clear in the school rules which seems to be the issue here more than the style of dining
You wouldn’t go into a restaurant and specifically state you do not wish to order anything but be brought a plate and charged for it anyway would you

Is this school that Michaela shit hole by any chance? It sounds like the sort of crap that they would spout.

Not acceptable at all. I'd move schools if possible. I couldn't eat mushroom risotto for example and as an adult no one would try ro force me to. All I can see this doing is setting kids up for a lifetime of eating disorders.