School dinners - being charged when my daughter doesnt have them!?

[Girlsmum89]

Hi everyone
i need some advice. My daughters in year 7. She is a picky eater and struggles with new foods. Her school adopt a “family style” dining approach. This means your whole class group (example year 7a) eats at one big table and is served as if they was at home. There is no choice and its one meal for all regardless of whether they eat or like it. They do not get to pick what they can have like most other school and she doesnt eat any of the stuff offered which of course is her fault/choice due to her picky eating. I was aware of the family style dining, but i was never made aware and it does not state on their website that there is no choice and what your given it what you get.

When she first started i was paying £2.40 a day (£12 a week) but she would complain she was not eating anyof it as where a few others in her group because of the same reason and it did not smell or look appetising. She told me she was not eating any of it, not even accepting the meal to have and it was being given to another student and she would have NO food Infront of her whilst others ate. Again, she was not the only one refusing the food and ultimatly going hungry.

i emailed the school and spoke with the deputy head, he said she was not allowed to have packed lunches as this was their policy and its family style dining only and even with a GP letter unless she had a medical condition this was not allowed and there was nothing more i could do.

After this i stopped paying as i refuse to pay for food she is not having. i receive daily emails stating im in debt to the school.

i then with the head teacher. She stated “We had a conversation about your specific situation and whilst Ms understands that ** does not eat the school lunches, it was emphasised that family dining is a core part of the schools culture and that the lunch cost of £2.40 (as stated on our website) is compulsory, regardless of whether the meal is consumed.

how is this right? Why should i pay for food she does not even take let alone eat? Im having to fork out money for her to grab a crossaint and a breakfast bar after school as she complains of headaches and belly aches which the school is aware of but dont seem to care that her not eating is affecting her in more ways than one, including her concentration. I understand that people may have opinions that its her fault and its not as if shes not being offered anything and i understand that and wish she wasn't fussy, but she has been this since a toddler and ive tried everything to make her try new foods with no avail.

i still will refuse to pay as i just dont have £12 a week to waste on something shes not having, like i said, she doesnt even accept any food and sits there waiting for everyone to finish their food before that can be dismissed. Teachers see my daugher and some of her peers are not eating but care more about the money than the child actually having lunch. I know she is not going to starve, but going hungry for hours everyday upsets me.

can they apprehend me for not paying or take legal action?? Why should i have to pay for food she doesnt eat? What can i do? In other schools ( my neices for example) they go up and choice what meal theh would like, that being a sandwich or a hot meal ect and she pays for that accordingly and can also purchase extras if wanted at a seperate charge. Where do i stand?

thank you

Correlation is not causation. Happy, secure and well rounded children who feel respected in their environment will perform better academically, so schools who score well at ofsted in all aspects are the same ones where the children will likely go on to have high exam results. The schools don’t score highly because of the exam results.

My son attends a school that is ofsted rated outstanding. It has been rated outstanding for years and is considered one of the best in the country for its specialty. It’s a specialist school for SEN. The children who attend will for the most part get zero GCSEs. They won’t be doing A levels. None of them go on to uni. According to you, shouldn’t ofsted be classing it as a failing school, not an outstanding one….?

It’s not legal enforceable no, speak to the head first in a formal letter, then the governors , then the LA if you get nowhere. For your daughters wellbeing though you need to move schools.

OP What food will she eat?

Could you suggest something to the school?

As for mushroom risotto, lovely if cooked properly but I doubt the kitchen staff stand for 15 mins ladling stock into the risotto.

I remember rice from my own school, it was nasty. Although not as bad as the stew we would get at primary (no choice their either).

So your child goes all day without food and the school think that is fine?

Is it Bolingbroke academy? Sounds exactly like it. It's always been a problem there with constant complaints from parents. As well as other stupid, rigid rules for rules sake. Don't pay, they won't/can't do anything and give her a sandwich to eat in the loo (gross I know)
I removed my son 8 years ago, I even had to get a dr note for him to be allowed to use a school branded rucksack for the several books he had to carry around all day, everyday instead of the handheld satchel they insisted on. Ark Academies are awful schools

So OFSTED do send out anonymous questionnaires to staff and parents, giving them the opportunity to have their say.
Here’s their latest report - Outstanding in all areas, the only improvement needed is to increase opportunity for PE.
https://michaela.education/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Michaela-Community-School-OFSTED-report-final.pdf

Mine would have enjoyed that for sure...

My 12 year old would love a risotto- they cook it when it's their turn to make supper.

That's insane. Send her in with a packed lunch after having a meeting explaining that she needs to eat because she was feeling faint walking home.
If they still refuse to let her then contact ofsted.
I would actually consider contacting social services about it too if nothing else works. They may have a word with school. Refusing food from breakfast until 4pm at home because they don't want one option would be neglect, I don't see why it should be any different with a school doing it.

It doesn't really matter if some would enjoy it, it's not acceptable to regularly make a child go 7 hours without food because they don't like certain things. Some children have sensory issues or are picky eaters, forcing it especially as a teen is more likely to result in an eating disorder than suddenly make them eat food they don't like.

i love a risotto as does one of my kids. Not a mushroom one though. If I was presented with one as part of ‘family dining’ I also wouldn’t eat it. It’s ridiculous to assume every kid will want a mushroom risotto

DD is in y13 now and has always loathed school dinners, favouring her dad's cooking at home instead. She's taken in a sandwich since Y1! I can't believe the school won't allow packed lunches? What if a child has an allergy or a cultural/religious observance? What if they are ND? Bonkers!

Sounds like a good idea, there must be something edible on the plate. Like real life really. Guess you need to change school.

I don’t really understand why you’re keeping her there. Sounds like the food is the least of the problems.

On a practical level though I wouldn’t be sending her with money to buy random snacks on the way home. Get some protein bars and whatever she eats and she can bring stuff in her bag for break or before or after school. No need to pay silly money for a cereal bar.

Not being allowed to run is confusing. My high schooler can’t really run around at break because there’s nowhere to do this - the school doesn’t have grounds exactly. But there’s volleyball club etc at lunch for whoever wants (though most kids appear to vape their way down to aldis to steal things and then head back after their next class starts) but if your school has space I can’t work out why they wouldn’t ’allow’ children to move their bodies. How odd.

Wow. Some massive ableist attitude you are displaying here.
AFRID?
allergies?
vegetarian?
ASD?
nah. You all will eat the same even if it causes you harm or distress.

Agree
DD has ARFID. At preschool packed lunches weren't allowed and we were told that "she will eat when she sees all the other children eating", she actually managed to stop the other kids eating. They agreed to make her toast every day.
At Primary "I am sure she will join in with the other children", after 3 days of her not eating at school we switched to packed lunches
At Secondary "packed lunches not allowed but I am sure she will find something she can eat", after some time and DD losing weight the school did agree to make her a packed lunch themselves
For a lot of children and adults with ARFID or similar its not necessarily the food but how its prepared and served.

If you don't like the overall ethos of the school then you would be better to move her.

In the meantime, give her something more nourishing and balanced than a croissant or cereal bar when you pick her up.