School dinners - being charged when my daughter doesnt have them!?

[Girlsmum89]

Hi everyone
i need some advice. My daughters in year 7. She is a picky eater and struggles with new foods. Her school adopt a “family style” dining approach. This means your whole class group (example year 7a) eats at one big table and is served as if they was at home. There is no choice and its one meal for all regardless of whether they eat or like it. They do not get to pick what they can have like most other school and she doesnt eat any of the stuff offered which of course is her fault/choice due to her picky eating. I was aware of the family style dining, but i was never made aware and it does not state on their website that there is no choice and what your given it what you get.

When she first started i was paying £2.40 a day (£12 a week) but she would complain she was not eating anyof it as where a few others in her group because of the same reason and it did not smell or look appetising. She told me she was not eating any of it, not even accepting the meal to have and it was being given to another student and she would have NO food Infront of her whilst others ate. Again, she was not the only one refusing the food and ultimatly going hungry.

i emailed the school and spoke with the deputy head, he said she was not allowed to have packed lunches as this was their policy and its family style dining only and even with a GP letter unless she had a medical condition this was not allowed and there was nothing more i could do.

After this i stopped paying as i refuse to pay for food she is not having. i receive daily emails stating im in debt to the school.

i then with the head teacher. She stated “We had a conversation about your specific situation and whilst Ms understands that ** does not eat the school lunches, it was emphasised that family dining is a core part of the schools culture and that the lunch cost of £2.40 (as stated on our website) is compulsory, regardless of whether the meal is consumed.

how is this right? Why should i pay for food she does not even take let alone eat? Im having to fork out money for her to grab a crossaint and a breakfast bar after school as she complains of headaches and belly aches which the school is aware of but dont seem to care that her not eating is affecting her in more ways than one, including her concentration. I understand that people may have opinions that its her fault and its not as if shes not being offered anything and i understand that and wish she wasn't fussy, but she has been this since a toddler and ive tried everything to make her try new foods with no avail.

i still will refuse to pay as i just dont have £12 a week to waste on something shes not having, like i said, she doesnt even accept any food and sits there waiting for everyone to finish their food before that can be dismissed. Teachers see my daugher and some of her peers are not eating but care more about the money than the child actually having lunch. I know she is not going to starve, but going hungry for hours everyday upsets me.

can they apprehend me for not paying or take legal action?? Why should i have to pay for food she doesnt eat? What can i do? In other schools ( my neices for example) they go up and choice what meal theh would like, that being a sandwich or a hot meal ect and she pays for that accordingly and can also purchase extras if wanted at a seperate charge. Where do i stand?

thank you

I can't stand mushroom risotto either.

I must admit my DC would eat anything at home but refused school meals.

They did their own packed lunches from 8 years old. It’s not even fussy eating it’s just that the food was such poor quality.

Hopefully packed lunches will be allowed at ypir DD’s school.

How lovely to single out secondary school pupils with allergies rather than provide a couple of choices so that everyone can enjoy eating with their friends. Still, I’m sure this prepares them for the real world in some way.

Btw not point of thread but now goggling michaela school as never heard of it. Wow

Family style eating..... with those with allergies shunned to a different table? Absolutely ridiculous take from the school.

Assuming the school is not private, then they must adhere to the following:
https://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2014/1603/made

Options, including fresh bread and fruit daily, must be made available.

Sounds like one of those Michaela esque schools. I fear you’re not going to win this one, she’s just going to have to eat with everyone else or you’re going to have to move her school, they won’t back down. It’s what they do - they don’t want kids who won’t tow the line 100%.

1. I’d be sending her in with a sandwich and telling her to eat it in the toilets
2. I would formally complain and follow their complaints procedure
3. I’d escalate to the governors if I did not get the response I wanted
4. I would not pay

All that being said I think they can prevent her going on school trips (that are not compulsory) until the debt is repaid or ‘sweep it across’ from another account e.g if you were to make a payment for a trip, essentially debit the debt from that account

I know others have already said this but I would look to move her. She’s year 7. Do you want another 4 years of this?!

How do you measure a school? Because Michaels school is by far one of the most academically successful schools in the country.

My school in France was like this - i still can't eat fish pie!

Its not michaela but after looking at their reviews and the website, they have very similar rules. Its extremely strict which i do like but some consequences are ridiculous and the punishment doesn't fit the crime. Like mihaela school, they are not allowed to talk at all except during break. Run or “play” as its too small..they have to sit with your own class during breaktime ect. a lot of people say the same about michaela school about this school too..that its like a prison or concentration camp. however, i did chose to my daughter in the school for its strict qualities..but was never really told how strict it actually was and the levels they go to. I do wish they would have been more transparent during opening evenings ect. They get detentions for such minor things like.

Is this a private school? I've never heard of it in state. I'm a state school primary teacher and we now don't make a big deal out of kids who don't want to eat their lunch. Just make sure to inform parents in case they want to start bringing a packed lunch. School dinners used to cause my younger daughter a lot of upset when certain lunch staff wouldn't let her leave some of it. (Always a picky eater - later diagnosed with autism).

It's not a school's job to force kids to eat a certain way so long as we educate them about nutrition. Packed lunches should always be an option. The important thing is that a child gets fed.

I find the lack of choice bizarre.
My dd is a pretty good eater, but she hates mushrooms.
If lunch were mushroom risotto, she would struggle to even sit at the table.
This is not 'family dining' because in her family, no-one would expect her to eat mushroom risotto.

How can you force a whole school of kids ot eat the same meal? Are they not allowed food preferences? It is ridiculous to think that you can force teenagers to eat the same thing. There should be at least some choice.

Picky eaters do not stop being picky because they are forced to eat in a public group setting.

And then that child has to go to afternoon lessons hungry? That is great for learning!

This whole thing sounds like a recipe for causing disordered eating

I do worry they will send me to court over the outstanding fee’s. Ive never been in debt in my life and am very careful with money management but this i draw the line. I worry they could get bailiffs but i still refuse to pay for it if she isnt eating it at all.

Sigh
How dare the school try to implement a communal style family dinning experience where the children would be expected to eat food prepared to some kind of minimum nutrition standards.
You keep protesting until every child is allowed to bring in what UPF shite they like due to their unique dietary / sensory need until no child will eat the cooked meal provided and every child is munching down their Nutella sandwich and chocolate pudding with ‘fruit shoot’ on the side due to their individual ‘needs’
Thats what’s important!
The obesity crisis has NOTHING to do with shite parenting and shite parental choices.
It’s someone else’s fault so you keep going until you break the school of their ridiculous notions of doing some thing for the good of all. How very dare they.

Personally I'd judge a school on its policies and on how it treats its staff and students, not just on how academically successful it is. Even Ofsted don't just judge on academic results.

Not allowed to talk run or play sounds hideous.

You’ll probably find other things you and dd dont like about the school, bigger than this issue. You won’t be able to change them so just change schools

Not all people feed their kids crap mate. Kids can still have a nutritious packed lunch. How ridiculous do you sound lol

“Personally I'd judge a school on its policies and on how it treats its staff and students, not just on how academically successful it is. Even Ofsted don't just judge on academic results.”

I want to laugh but really am going to cry at the utter naivety and absurdity of this statement. That may have been true for a very narrow window when Covid affected the exam system but other than that - that’s laughable.
Just google correlation graphs of exam results to ofsted grades …. It’s public information

they are not allowed to run and play in break time?

Do they know anything about child development?

Children need to exercise, run, play, move and use their large muscles in between times of sitting and concentrating and using fine motor skills.
They need to interaction of the two in order to function.
Never mind the need for social interaction and play.

🙄 A tad dramatic. The OP's original objection was that there's no choice. It doesn't seem terribly unreasonable to suggest the school could offer a couple of (non-Nutella, non-fruit-shoot) options. They could also impose some rules on packed lunches if they allowed them.

It’s someone else’s fault so you keep going until you break the school of their ridiculous notions of doing some thing for the good of all.

It's not for the good of all if some kids are going hungry.

Gosh it is almost like there is no middle ground between forcing every child to eat the same food and allowing every child to bring in packed lunches with poor nutritional value.

Oh, wait, they could just give a choice of meals, including something basic like a jacket potato or pasta, which allows for picky eaters but still ensures varied meal without UPF. You know, like most schools do....

I've been a teacher for 30 years and have been through multiple Ofsted inspections thanks. I have no idea what you're talking about. Are you suggesting that Ofsted don't look at anything other than academic results? Like.. I dunno... safeguarding, for example?