School dinners - being charged when my daughter doesnt have them!?

[Girlsmum89]

Hi everyone
i need some advice. My daughters in year 7. She is a picky eater and struggles with new foods. Her school adopt a “family style” dining approach. This means your whole class group (example year 7a) eats at one big table and is served as if they was at home. There is no choice and its one meal for all regardless of whether they eat or like it. They do not get to pick what they can have like most other school and she doesnt eat any of the stuff offered which of course is her fault/choice due to her picky eating. I was aware of the family style dining, but i was never made aware and it does not state on their website that there is no choice and what your given it what you get.

When she first started i was paying £2.40 a day (£12 a week) but she would complain she was not eating anyof it as where a few others in her group because of the same reason and it did not smell or look appetising. She told me she was not eating any of it, not even accepting the meal to have and it was being given to another student and she would have NO food Infront of her whilst others ate. Again, she was not the only one refusing the food and ultimatly going hungry.

i emailed the school and spoke with the deputy head, he said she was not allowed to have packed lunches as this was their policy and its family style dining only and even with a GP letter unless she had a medical condition this was not allowed and there was nothing more i could do.

After this i stopped paying as i refuse to pay for food she is not having. i receive daily emails stating im in debt to the school.

i then with the head teacher. She stated “We had a conversation about your specific situation and whilst Ms understands that ** does not eat the school lunches, it was emphasised that family dining is a core part of the schools culture and that the lunch cost of £2.40 (as stated on our website) is compulsory, regardless of whether the meal is consumed.

how is this right? Why should i pay for food she does not even take let alone eat? Im having to fork out money for her to grab a crossaint and a breakfast bar after school as she complains of headaches and belly aches which the school is aware of but dont seem to care that her not eating is affecting her in more ways than one, including her concentration. I understand that people may have opinions that its her fault and its not as if shes not being offered anything and i understand that and wish she wasn't fussy, but she has been this since a toddler and ive tried everything to make her try new foods with no avail.

i still will refuse to pay as i just dont have £12 a week to waste on something shes not having, like i said, she doesnt even accept any food and sits there waiting for everyone to finish their food before that can be dismissed. Teachers see my daugher and some of her peers are not eating but care more about the money than the child actually having lunch. I know she is not going to starve, but going hungry for hours everyday upsets me.

can they apprehend me for not paying or take legal action?? Why should i have to pay for food she doesnt eat? What can i do? In other schools ( my neices for example) they go up and choice what meal theh would like, that being a sandwich or a hot meal ect and she pays for that accordingly and can also purchase extras if wanted at a seperate charge. Where do i stand?

thank you

26% of children 11 - 16 are clinically obese. Over 50% are overweight. The figure is climbing exponentially every year. So sadly yes, a huge and growing amount of parents (now tipping into most) do feed their kids crap. That’s how we are in this mess.

I’d move schools. They sound like a pain in the arse to deal with tbh. Sending the kids with allergies to a special table rather than have them eating with their friends like everyone else? Twats.

And mushroom risotto mass cooked in a canteen sounds like it would probably be more like mushroom slop with soggy rice and slimy mushrooms

Doesn't mean it isn't a shit hole. Their whole ethos has always sounded utterly miserable to me.

My kid’s secondary schools had compulsory school meals.

Yes, the reason I send DD in with a packed lunch (even though she’s in year 1 and so still gets the free school lunches) is because the school food is such crap.

Oh my. My youngest has always been a nightmare eater. If only I’d thought of getting her to try new foods 🙄🙄
She wouldn’t have eaten at school if food was served like that. She barely ate as it was.
She is 20 now and still very limited in what she eats.

Oppressive rules around food and eating leading to pre-teens skipping meals.

Sounds like a road to nowhere good to me.

Schools like Michaela have “great results” because any child who is unable to fit the incredibly rigid mould is ploughed under and managed out. Children are aggressively limited in what they can aspire to so the school doesn’t risk any unexpected failures. In the wake of every “successful” cohort there is a trail of damaged and discarded children, consisting largely of those who were most in need of actual teaching, pastoral care and guidance - the ND, those with mental health difficulties and troubled home lives and complex medical needs. They are the broken eggs necessary for Katharine Birbalsingh and her ilk to maintain their shiny, perfect high-control cult-like “schools”. It’s a lazy, narcissistic and destructive approach to education in which the children are at best a commodity and at worst, the enemy. I would advise OP to get her child the hell out of there.

Sounds like this school:

https://theswanschool.org.uk/family-dining/

Way too rigid for my liking!

Bottom line….. a good school will work around the ethos of what is in the best interests of the pupils.

Having pupils not eat in 6 hours is quite clearly NOT in their best interests.

Lunch aside, I would be alarmed with their approach and remove my child. I’d also take issue and make sure OFSTED were aware.

Forced 'family-style' meals (except for the shunned members of the 'family' with allergies) and no talking or playing? This sounds more like a cult than a school. What a great way to leave kids counting down the days until they can leave you.

So how do they address dietary preferences (as opposed to allergies)? Are all the meals vegan, so the omnivores never get meat or dairy products; or do they sometimes freely contain meat/dairy, so that the vegan kids' personal/family ethical choices are just ignored?

I'd also be looking to move her to a better school ASAP. It's not even like the meals are the only thing.

If she's bright and puts in the effort, she can reach her potential, regardless of the school she goes to, as long as it offers and encourages the absolute basics. It's not worth sacrificing her happiness and wellbeing, just for potentially (but unprovable on an individual basis) better academic grades.

If this is a state school in England then legally, they provide meals and charge for them but they have no authority to require you to pay. It doesn't matter what they put on their website or in their home-school agreement, or what policies they have.

There authority to charge is in section 512 of the Education Act 1996. You can see they have the power to charge. Some people (possibly the school leadership) might read this is meaning they can make you pay, but that isn't the case. They aren't allowed to charge for most things, which is why they have to be given this power explicitly. However they aren't given the power to require you pay. In effect the act says they have to provide lunch and they aren't doing anything wrong if they charge for it. It doesn't say they can insist you pay for it if you don't want to. In section 511 you can see an example of a charge (for clothing if a child comes in unsuitable attire) that a school can make and [the Local Authority] can require parents to pay. Different wording as different power.

I would write and tell them that you do not want the meal service as it does not meet your needs and you will not be paying for it. If they send you a bill, refer them to your previous letter, point out they are not empowered to require you to pay and ask them to stop hassling you.

Mushroom risotto might be a normal thing to eat but what if someone doesn’t like it? Tough titty? No alternative AND you have to pay for it? Big no from me.

I’d move schools op, this sounds ridiculous & very rigid.

Are the meals vegetarian every day? If not do vegetarian children have to take packed lunch (that might be your answer) what about religious reasons for not eating certain foods or are they telling the Hindu children to eat cottage pie?!

DS' school doesn't allow packed lunches (infants and high FSMs so I think it's to make sure all children have the option of a hot meal) they do however have 4 options each day a meat/fish, a vegan/veggie (usually with an optional dairy element) a plainer option like jacket potatoes with beans or cheese or pasta with a smooth tomato sauce and then 2 sandwich/wrap options plus the salad bar and rolls usually a seeded and non seeded option, plus fruit and pudding. So I'm not sure that any child would be unable to find something they like.

They do have a table for the children with allergies and a teacher sits with them but they are allowed to bring a friend with them (with their parents' consent) , most of them still have school lunches but a couple have packed.

I can't see that some people having packed lunches and others eating school meals would interfere with the family dining style at all. They can still all sit round the table.

If my child was literally going hungry every day I’d be moving them to a different school quicker than you could say school, no way would I let my DD go hungry. Crazy…

So you're not part of the family when you have an allergy? Sounds an awful lot like disability discrimination.

That isn’t the issue. It’s about control. The children in these schools are being fed the consistent message that they are not fully-fledged humans and have no rights. They will eat what they are told to eat, speak when they are told they can speak, use the toilet when they are told they can. Alll activity during the school day is directed and adult-led - hence silent corridors and no socialising or spontaneous play. They literally leave their personalities and identities at the door. And god help any child who can’t handle it.

Re: mushroom risotto - or indeed ANY risotto…. I couldn’t eat it in any circumstances. I would rather starve.

It’s a sensory issue for me (ASD). It’s like prison gruel IMO. Not that I’ve ever been unfortunate enough to be in prison.

IMO it is the parents job to encourage healthy eating and variety at home around suitable parameters for their individual child. It is also on parents to provide a healthy packed lunch.

Despite both my boys being super fussy eaters from toddler age I have managed to get them both eating healthy balanced diets. That said, I fully accept there are certain items they will never eat and that’s fine.

The school not a private school, its an academy secondary school.

Im unsure about vegetarian or other dietry requirments but i do know all meals
are halal. Im aware that my neighbours children who also attend the school are pestcaterian and they also do not eat the meals and shes facing the same.

its not as easy to just move school, transfers could take a while, school uniform alone is pricey (£380 in my case) and im worried it will unsettle her and she may find it difficult to make friends when friendship groups have already been made. Some children now days are not the nicest.

Please do look at ARFID as a possible reason why your child doesn’t eat in this awful school scenario. It would be impossible for my ARFID son to eat like that. People saying you just need to encourage ‘picky eaters’ to try different things have no idea about ARFID.

I would move my child from this school.

Sigh… DD went on a trip with the school to Italy. Plenty of crap and UPF available, as well as healthy , nutritious meals. You know what she ate? Bread and pineapple most days. Chicken one day. She had one plate of chips on pizza night because she won’t even fucking eat pizza. No deserts, pastas , various meats/hams/salamis/cheeses or the cereal/croissants/brioches at breakfast.

How do I know? Because one of her teachers messaged me in concern. Fuck all I could do about it. The kid barely found anything to eat at a buffet style hotel in Italy. They tried to get her to eat. They couldn’t , I told them to let her be as the more fuss you make the less likely she is to eat.You’d think she’d get hungry enough to eat . She didn’t , except for what I mentioned.

Since it was a very physically active holiday as well , she actually lost 2 kgs in 7 days.

Having a kid like this is …not fun.

Tbh it doesn’t sound like you have any other choice other than moving schools

This is the end result of free schools/academisation. Individual schools implement their own bonkers policies and nobody can object because the schools (and their useful idiots like PP on this thread) effectively say take it or leave it because "you can always send your kids somewhere else if you don't agree".

The school are very clear this is their policy though. So someone not happy to pay £2.40 a day (which is really cheap for a proper meal) has the option to choose another school.