School dinners - being charged when my daughter doesnt have them!?

[Girlsmum89]

Hi everyone
i need some advice. My daughters in year 7. She is a picky eater and struggles with new foods. Her school adopt a “family style” dining approach. This means your whole class group (example year 7a) eats at one big table and is served as if they was at home. There is no choice and its one meal for all regardless of whether they eat or like it. They do not get to pick what they can have like most other school and she doesnt eat any of the stuff offered which of course is her fault/choice due to her picky eating. I was aware of the family style dining, but i was never made aware and it does not state on their website that there is no choice and what your given it what you get.

When she first started i was paying £2.40 a day (£12 a week) but she would complain she was not eating anyof it as where a few others in her group because of the same reason and it did not smell or look appetising. She told me she was not eating any of it, not even accepting the meal to have and it was being given to another student and she would have NO food Infront of her whilst others ate. Again, she was not the only one refusing the food and ultimatly going hungry.

i emailed the school and spoke with the deputy head, he said she was not allowed to have packed lunches as this was their policy and its family style dining only and even with a GP letter unless she had a medical condition this was not allowed and there was nothing more i could do.

After this i stopped paying as i refuse to pay for food she is not having. i receive daily emails stating im in debt to the school.

i then with the head teacher. She stated “We had a conversation about your specific situation and whilst Ms understands that ** does not eat the school lunches, it was emphasised that family dining is a core part of the schools culture and that the lunch cost of £2.40 (as stated on our website) is compulsory, regardless of whether the meal is consumed.

how is this right? Why should i pay for food she does not even take let alone eat? Im having to fork out money for her to grab a crossaint and a breakfast bar after school as she complains of headaches and belly aches which the school is aware of but dont seem to care that her not eating is affecting her in more ways than one, including her concentration. I understand that people may have opinions that its her fault and its not as if shes not being offered anything and i understand that and wish she wasn't fussy, but she has been this since a toddler and ive tried everything to make her try new foods with no avail.

i still will refuse to pay as i just dont have £12 a week to waste on something shes not having, like i said, she doesnt even accept any food and sits there waiting for everyone to finish their food before that can be dismissed. Teachers see my daugher and some of her peers are not eating but care more about the money than the child actually having lunch. I know she is not going to starve, but going hungry for hours everyday upsets me.

can they apprehend me for not paying or take legal action?? Why should i have to pay for food she doesnt eat? What can i do? In other schools ( my neices for example) they go up and choice what meal theh would like, that being a sandwich or a hot meal ect and she pays for that accordingly and can also purchase extras if wanted at a seperate charge. Where do i stand?

thank you

That would be the point. Got to keep the riff raff out who can’t afford it, but aren’t quite eligible for free meals. It’s like schools with expensive uniforms, no point saying to them “what about the parents who can’t afford it” because that is the point. There are some schools who want middle class pupils with their middle class parents. And some parents who want to send their children to a school with other middle class children.

@Snugglemonkey you’re dreaming if you think every parent in the state system has the option to choose another school.

I did not think there could be any compulsory payments at school it is supposed to be free is it actually legal to charge

Go to the board of governors? Doesn't allow for Buddhism (often vegetarian), Hinduism, Judaism, people with food allergies. That's the protected characteristics of religion and disability.

If your DD becomes (conveniently) vegan, would she be allowed to sit at the Special Table? Ethical veganism is capable of being a philosophical belief, thus a protected characteristic. Would also work for the pesci neighbours.

She'd need to make sure she doesn't tell anyone what she eats outside of school, and isn't seen buying wings in a chicken shop on the way home 😁

Ultimately though, it's an academy and they do whatever the fuck they like with no accountability.

I was just about to post this. I'd bet good money on it being Swan!

Nothing weird about mushroom risotto and both of mine ate that from tiny, even the very picky one, now vegetables that’s a different story, she didn’t eat veg except carrots but she did eat mushrooms go figure. By 13 she was beginning to eat more foods anyway

There are lots of "completely normal things to eat". Doesn't mean everyone should eat them! I wouldn't eat mushroom anything if you paid me and I'm a grown adult! Forcing kids to eat foods they hate or go hungry is a throwback to the 1950s!

This is madness. Sure it would be lovely to all sit and dine family style with lashings of ginger beer…but kids are all different and some are picky eaters. They still deserve adequate nourishment. A packed lunch won’t hurt anyone. They’re being weirdly inflexible about their culture.

Do they? 🤔I'm pretty sure we were told what secondary school my kids were going to and there was no wiggle room!

This. School meals are usually awful. My daughter also eats anything but refuses to eat school meals as she says they're disgusting.

Get your daughter a medical note from a GP to confirm she has to have packed lunches

Private school rules. Move her then

One of my kids schools does forced family dining, started recently with year 7s but will be rolling out all year groups soon.

Thankfully my kid isn’t included in the ones that must do it and will be leaving soon anyway.

We didn’t actually choose this school though, we were allocated it and had no option to change as it’s our closest one and undersubscribed as everyone in the local area dislikes it so much.

Is there anyone who can collect her at lunch time so she has lunch at home?

Jewish people are not allowed to eat halal meat, guess your daughter is Jewish now…

I hate mushrooms so no way would I want to eat mushroom risotto.
it seems more and more schools are run as though they are the army or a prison, with ridiculous and idiotic rules. I’m so glad my DC are adults now.

And what GP would write that? Unless the child has SEN causing her issues around food, what reason is there for her not to eat just like the others?
Of course if she has SEN that is another matter but OP doesn't say she does.

Is it City Academy? If so it’s pretty clear on the website.

I like their approach tbh. I think you were mad to choose a school who operates this policy when you had such a fussy eater though!

If it's city academy then I'm not suprised this school sounds like one of those schools that literally hate children

You said you're giving her money to get a croissant and a breakfast bar after school, it might be better to give her a cheese sandwich to eat in the toilets as someone mentioned - not ideal location, but better than going hungry.

Hopefully they'll allow packed lunches in soon, till then you need to give her a filling breakfast, cheese sandwich to sneak at lunch, apple to eat after school.

Or move school, unless you think the academic hothouse will really benefit her in the future.

They are not allowed food from home, not allowed to talk and not allowed to run or play?

I wouldn’t be keeping my child at a school like this

Seems bizarre you'd want her to carry on going there, but assuming you do, you should probably invent an allergy so she can escape.

Oh wow op, I wouldn't like this one bit for my dc and the poster who is being awful needs to be quiet and perhaps feel grateful she doesn't have dc with any issues surrounding food. I have 'fussy' dc but it's due to send/sensory issues and I know they wouldn't eat in these circumstances either. Mine have all taken pack lunches from day one of primary and continue to do so thought-out secondary and college. It's really unfair you are expected to pay for something your dd isn't eating in the first place, and ridiculous that she can't take a pack lunch, I've not heard of this before, is this a special sort of schooling? Id maybe think about changing schools if possible. I have no idea what sanctions the school can take against you if any but it sounds too inflexible and like it doesn't have the children's best interests at heart to me.

Their family style dining would be great if it worked but it’s not realistic is it… in a family if you made one meal you’d choose something everyone liked.

They're still a state school, which are free at point of use. So someone not happy to pay £2.40 a day has the option to choose that school and simply ignore their demands for payment.