Should I he go to the wedding alone… so disrespected

[Ladieunlucky]

Hi all,

Just the back story. Myself and my partner are part of a large couples group. Around Xmas we visited Paris for our anniversary and unbeknown to one of the couples (recently engaged) we was visiting the hotel she wished to go to for her hen do. This was spoke about over a group dinner and didn’t think there were issues, or so it seamt at the time. During our Paris visit I sent photos of our trip, hotel to the girlfriend group (with person in, let’s call her Jess). I was returned with silence and snidy comments such as ‘oh what a coincidence’ ect. I still hadn’t clicked on there was a issue as my trip had been booked way before the couple had even got engaged.

Fast forward and I’m met with funniness from the whole group, to which I ask Jess if she’s okay and does she want to talk. She proceeds to say no, not all at and I know exactly what id done. My OH was also baffled as her finance is his best friend and couldn’t see a issue. Jess and I unfortunately went on to have a argument and wrip me apart. Saying from day one she had issues with me, I had no morals and integrity and throught it was wrong I had sent photos of hotel she wanted to go too. I replied to her that (and this’s was the case) I had never meant harm, was unaware and that if she had issues for all these years why hadn’t she said. Jess and I had spent many times doing things as a 4, she repeatly said how close we were and always made plans. I was baffled and we left the argument as we would stay amiable for our OHs. No contact since, and the whole girl group now does not talk to me bar 1/2. This has deeply upset me, and during Xmas I was excluded from couple plans and was left alone Xmas eve as I encouraged my OH to see his friends.

Now today 7 months on.. OH has received a solo invite to their wedding next year. He’s been put in a group with his single friends. But he’s not single. I don’t not have a invite. He told me out of respect and has not yet replied but mentioned he may go for the day. This wedding is around 5 hours away. This is the 2nd celebration I’ve been excluded from this year that’s he’s attended alone. I told him I thought he needed to at least mention my lack of invite. And this was child’s play and unless something is said I’d be forever excluded. Which I can’t take! My OH has backed me and tried to be supportive and his friends still included him.

What should I do and what would you expect your OH to do. I want to be fair to him. Thanks

Jess sounds like she was looking for an excuse to dislike and exclude you. I'd tackle the wider group of friends on the issue in person and point out the timing and that fact that it's just a hotel stay, ask why it's such a big deal. Though really if they are prepared to exclude you over such a minor issue are they even worth the effort?
I would support your OH if he wanted to go to support his friend, providing it was affordable. I wouldn't be buying them a gift. he should also be talking to his friend about this juvenile behaviour and you guys as a couple won't be able to see them as a couple if her behaviour doesn't improve. She's a negative numpty and not worth any effort on your part as you have done nothing wrong here, this is all of her creating.

If your OH has any respect for you, then he should tell them to get fucked regretfully decline the invitation.

Oh that’s so hurtful. The whole thing, being attacked for doing absolutely nothing wrong, being excluded by your friendship group for, again, doing nothing wrong, and now having this situation on your hands. The easy and obvious answer for me, were I your partner, would be to decline the invitation. His loyalty should be with you, unquestionably.

Urghhh this reminds me of my DH's high-maintenance (now former) friends. They were all couples. One of the women was always a bit of a bitch to me, she was known for being a bitch. I thought I had integrated well into the group, but it didn't last long, maybe 3 years or so.

They became such utter dicks and ended up stopping inviting us to their weekly meet ups. My DH was really hurt and pissed off about it, but he soon realised they weren't real friends if they could treat him and his wife that way.

My friends treat him well, and there's no drama.

If I were you @Ladieunlucky then, I'd want my OH to back me up. It's not fair on you for him to keep going to all their meet-ups and you being excluded. So he needs to make a choice. His friends are out of order, but even if it gets resolved, it'll never be the same, you'll always be questioning their authenticity.

There has got to be more to this?

If not op why would you want to be involved with such utter cretins? The thought of being in a group of couples is horrifying. Your partner shouldn’t go without you either. As pp says he should be sticking up for you not accepting that you’ve been excluded.

There really doesn’t have to be more to this. Don’t you all know how crazy some people can be?

I can’t make any sense of this post

Unless there is more to this, Jess is utterly bonkers and extremely childish. I can't imagine anyone I know getting so upset with a friend for staying in the same hotel as them. I don't get it, why is that a bad thing?

Once you had explained that you had booked your trip before she had ever mentioned wanting to stay there, what did she say? Did she just not believe you? Really odd behaviour.

Does she have some other reason for not liking you? Has she acted like this before?

I think it says a lot that your dp is happy to go out at Christmas and leave you alone, to spend time with people that are effectively bullying you. For him to go to a wedding as well, when you are excluded because you stayed at a hotel (with him!!) Is outrageous.
They sound ridiculously childish but you can’t do much about that, but I’d be hurt dp didn’t care

Your "DP" isn't a "D"P and I guess that's why you reger to them as an OH!

Frankly I would have more of an issue with him not having your back than wanting to get back onside with the mean girls.

Cut them all out and find better friends, you're all like teenagers hanging out together.

Don't worry, they'll be divorced within five years of marriage, couples like this don't have a very long shelf life.

I suspect that there's more to this and Jess doesn't like you for other reasons! I would expect my partner to decline an invitation that explicitly excluded his partner, when other friends are going as couples. If he's not willing to do that, I'd question his loyalty to you.

She is a complete nut case.

He should really be standing up for you here and not socialising without you. By going to things without you he's giving an easy out to his friends so that they never have to address the lunacy that caused this issue in the first place.

I was excluded from a group of friends in couples we socialised with although we knew them through a hobby DH was involved in originally.

One control freak partner and I fell out. She cut me dead and if our paths ever crossed at DC’s school, an activity, on the street in a supermarket, shop, in our area which was awkward etc. I later heard from one of the GF’s that she had also forbid her DH and everyone in the group from having any further contact with me or she would cut them off as well. All because I dared to call her out on some poor behaviour which had gone on a while).

The other men all still socialise together individually and as couples but as a couple we have been socially ostracised from the group. DH still gets invited to things with just the men occasionally if someone other than the loons husband invites him about once or twice a year but we never get invited out with them as a couple which I suppose is easier than your situation OP.

OP I think in your situation your DH needs to grow a pair and maybe go out with just the men if he so desires but not in couples as this is being unsupportive of you and bowing down to the control freak loon.

Jess is a spoilt little Cunt and Paris doesn't belong to her.
I would have to ask my partner to talk to them all and get to the bottom of it all.
I'm not sure would this make me question my relationship if he kept going with them without me, knowing they were being nasty to me and I'd done nothing wrong. X

Gosh you partner has to back you up and ditch the lot. Henzilla is crazy and toxic. Good riddance!

This is utterly bizarre.

If I was organising a hen do at a hotel and someone else in the potential bridal group had been there, I'd be delighted to hear all the details and pros of the place to make my organisation smoother.

She doesn't even know if it's viable/affordable or available yet, and she's going off on one because someone else has stayed there? Batshit crazy.

Your OH should support you over the group if his future lays with you.

I'd be finding new friendships outside of this if I were you. It sounds utterly toxic.

See, it's totally unbelievable that she would have picked a random hotel in Paris to go to for her hen do and then got pissed off that someone else went to stay there before she'd bounced she was having her Ben do there. So I can an only assume this is all made up after you booked the hotel, and is just a strange excuse for excluding you from the group.

My dh would decline the invite, it’s mountains out of molehills and she the bride has created this division singling you out, but your partner was at that hotel too and still invited to the wedding.

Many many typos 😅

And this

They are crazy and I would avoid them.

Tbh if my OH didn't have my back on this one, he could sling his hook.

Jess wants you and your DP to argue over the wedding invitation and split up. or at the very least keep repeating the punishment to you, every time your DP is invited to something and you are excluded.

That's another reason for him not to go, and also for him to ask why only you are being punished by going to the wrong hotel.

So although it might seem unreasonable to ask him not to go, its really a loyalty issue and its also tantamount to agreeing with Jess that she has a point and he's willing to overlook her behaviour towards you. He should back you up.
They are all crackers and are enjoying the power of meting out punishments to you. Dump them.

WTF they feel SORRY for her because you happened to go to a hotel she was thinking of going to sometime?

Unless there is a HUGE backstory here - eg you are an elevenerifer on a regular basis and she just snapped - they are all bonkers. Your OH should be standing up for you and not going along with this.

Hmm. I’d work hard on finding new friends and forgetting these ones even existed, they sound too pathetic to be friends. Imagine being so childish about something like this! And say to your partner you’re starting to feel like you’re not compatible since it looks like your friendship groups will be mutually exclusive. I mean, do you plan to get married? Would you have to invite her? Is your partner worht this? Is her fiancé a much more normal human being or are all your partners friends utter twats? Start thinking about this, and putting time into hobbies and new interests and new friends, which any good partner who sees you shut out of one group will be wholeheartedly supportive of.