My kids got baby-bell wax all over my mother in laws new sofa.

[jennan]

Hey,
I'm not really sure how to use this website so apologies if wrong.
So I'm at my mother in laws house for Xmas and she had just brought herself this VERY expensive sofa for herself as a self gift.
she has just had it delivered today and its a brand new white sofa, as I have two boys (6 and 7) I told them not to go on it but my mother in law INSISTED they could go on it.
they had just finished watching TV and were getting ready for bed when my husband alerted me to the fact that someone had obviously eaten a baby-bell and than somehow sat on the wax, there is now a VERY noticeable red patch on the sofa.
I have removed the excess wax but there is still a stain.
my boys and mother in law are in bed now but I dont know how to remove it.
me and my husband dont have the money to replace this sofa and my mother in law doesn't really like me as it is.
Does anyone know how to remove cheese wax from a sofa?
Thanks.

Someone who not unreasonably wants to buy themselves a lovely new piece of furniture and expects two adults to supervise their children properly and not ignore her instructions to not let them eat on the sofa! If a grandparent was looking after their grandchildren on a regular basis then there may be a basis for running that they should consider covering their sofa, but it doesn't sound as though this is the case. Why the hell should she have needed to even consider having to cover her new sofa, on the day it arrived, when the children's parents should have been supervising them and preventing them from sitting on a lump of red wax?

'Your mother abused me over cheese, while you hid and you have the cheek to be pissed off with me? Make your own way home.'

Sorry OP. What a shit situation. The cheese stain was highly regrettable, but to disinvite you while expecting the attendance of your children at a family event is as ridiculous as it is rude. Your MIL and DH are both being absolute knobbers. Do buy a replacement sofa cover though - I'd not go over there again after that, however.

He should have backed you up and I’d tell him he can make his own way home.

If you overrule a DC's parents then the consequences are on you I'm afraid.

Happy to enforce 'no DC on the sofa' and 'no snacks in the living room'.

If you want to make that too complex for young DC with "you can get on the sofa if you take your shoes off, and don't bounce on it, and don't sit on the arms, and you can have snacks if you stand beside the sofa and put the packaging in the bin and wash your hands afterwards and wipe your mouth and check your clothes for stray pieces and, and, and..." then you're policing that yourself.

The MIL and H sound appalling in their reactions but maybe the MIL was enraged by the OP not looking after her kids adequately and then perhaps making it obvious she somehow blamed the MIL for having the sofa in the first place?

Just feels like there’s another side to this.

And OP you should have been watching your children, and you weren’t. That’s on you. Apologise again and offer to replace the cover as soon as possible.

Honestly, this sounds like a true accident. I don't know how old the kids are but these things happen.

Buying a new sofa usually comes with a special protection package anyway - has she not got this?

It's madness that your husband is happy to see you banished from the house for this. It was an accident, not your fault. He sounds like a real mummy's boy.

Truly if you have family round and they cause damage, you suck it up and forgive. I would consider that the polite - and British - thing to do. You don't banish someone from the house.

If he doesn’t back you up and walk out now, then I’d be reconsidering my partnership with him.

Firstly, his mother only blamed you? Not him? You’re both the parents, so she is a misogynist. Secondly, he didn’t step up and tell her how awful she was for only blaming you and kicking you out.

Seriously, tell him that if he doesn’t defend you, and take half the blame and leave then you’re reconsidering whether or not you two can be partners. This is a fundamental part of your relationship; are you partners or are you not? Because he seems happy for you to be the only one being blamed and actually being kicked out of the house.

What about their dad? Or their gran, who was the one who placed the food beside the sofa? Why was it solely down to the OP to supervise? Perhaps she'd gone for a bath or was making a drink, doing the washing up, had nipped out for a pint of milk.

What about the husband? Should he not have been watching his kids and be apologising? Why is the MIL only angry with her, only kicking her out?

For that alone, the OP doesn’t owe anyone anything. If the MIL had gone after her son as well then that would be fine but she didn’t, she targeted the woman of the couple, and kicked her out whilst seemingly having no issue with her son. She deserves fuck all.

Goodness...

"My MIL told me the argument that I was no longer invited to the reunion but my husband and sons were still invited but I wasn't???? "
What was her expectation of how this would work? Were you supposed to still be there, but hiding in your room wearing sackcloth and ashes? Or did she envisage you skulking home with your tail between your legs, but somehow leaving the car there for your husband to get himself and the boys home? How was that supposed to work?

"I told her that if I was not going then neither were my boys, my MIL got quite pissy saying that it would be unfair to my nephews as they were looking forward to seeing my sons."
Strikes me as desperate scrabbling on her part, that her having a go at you would have Consequences Visible To Other Family Members. Now she'll have to explain to them why you and the boys have left. That'll be fun.

"My DH went out quite early to meet some of his childhood friends as he grew up here and because of that he missed our argument."
How - convenient for him. After all, there was no way his mum wasn't going to notice, so he made sure to absent himself and leave you in her firing line. Cowardly, and cruel. He'd be getting both barrels from me for that alone.

"I've just got home with my boys and I've just received a text from my dh telling me that his mum explained the whole situation to him and that me not letting the boys go was very immature."
My only response would be 'And you're sure your mother gave you an unbiased explanation to cover how she managed to drive your wife away?'

"I have to pick him up on Monday and apparently, my mil is very upset about her grandsons not being there and wants to talk to me before we leave."
He can get public transport, I would NOT be picking him up. Or, the mummy's boy can stay with his mummy. And - she "wants to talk to me before we leave"? Presumably to give you another scolding? Well, the pair of them could fuck right off if they expected me to stand there and take that.

"My mil has never liked me, she straight up refused to come to me and my husbands wedding ..."
I'd be reminding him of that.

It's high time your husband prioritised his wife being upset by his mother, over his mother upsetting herself.

I agree with other posters. He either sticks up for you or he moves back in with mummy. I would absolutely die on this hill.

I'd be telling the husband if he doesn't leave before the reunion to not bother coming home. He knows the cause of the problem and now he is joining his mother in twisting that to blame you.

And you were absolutely right to take your boys home with you - who knows what she'd have said to then without supervision. She's just started the end of your marriage ... but I'm going to guess that's what she wants anyway.

But OP told kids not to sit on the sofa and MIL disregarded that. Maybe if MIL would have went with the rule of them not sitting on the sofa in the first place, it wouldn't have happened.

I think that you might be pulling our legs here op.

Also bloody convenient that he was out when it was time to face the music over the stain.

Your MiL is a complete bitch to you and your husband just lets her be. I'd be so angry I'd probably go over there on Monday with your husband's clothes and a big tin of spray paint that I'd use to write "fuck you" all across that sofa!

But it was the Mil who got the snacks out, not the OP

Why were you meeting your sister at your MIL's?

Tell 'D'H to get the bus home.

Why is it 100% your fault? Is DH not responsible for his own children?

I'd pack him his stuff and deliver them to him on Monday, like someone else suggested. What an arsehole.

Don’t be silly. I am a grandmother and I will not be buying a white sofa.

But OP told kids not to sit on the sofa and MIL disregarded that. Maybe if MIL would have went with the rule of them not sitting on the sofa in the first place, it wouldn't have happened.

I expect she wanted them to feel welcome - I'd have drawn line at eating on it though and made a huge deal about that - as in absolutely not and at 6 and 7 I'd be expecting them to remember that - though DH would have back me up.

I watch my kids like hawk at IL - and it was exhausting - but I did have to go to loo occasionally and even nominating another adult as in DH I'm off to loo watch our kids for next few minutes - they could at younger ages than this occasionally find trouble even with other adults nominally watching. So I know you can't always supervise 100%.

I think DH should have help with supervision and should have had Op back in morning not slunk off knowing OP and his mother didn't get on - frankly I'd have woken her up and spoken about it that night TBH.

Don’t be ridiculous.
As advised by Op, MIL brought the snacks over.