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Original poster

Partner still paying mortgage and child maintenance which is stopping us from buying

373 replies

Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 15:48

Hey there,

hoping I can get some advice or guidance- my partner and I have been together over 4 years we now have a beautiful 3 month old and we are in a rented house. My partner owns a house from a previous relationship where he has two lovely children and pays child maintenance. Thing is I want my little boy to have his own room and a house that is ours but all my partners money is tired up in the house he owns with his ex and he says he can’t sell until his two kids are 18!! But this is stopping us from getting a property which I think is so unfair - I don’t get child maintenance etc why should his ex have maintenance and a massive house???!!! I feel like I am paying for his exs lifestyle and kids - why can’t they downsize so his ex can get a solo mortgage? Any suggestions? Thank you in advance

OP posts:
TwilightSkies · 30/07/2023 15:49

Is this a joke?

3luckystars · 30/07/2023 15:50

It seems very unusual that he is paying the mortgage there and maintenance. Did he get legal advice at the time they separated?

Readyplayerthr33 · 30/07/2023 15:50

Did his ex get an order from the court which states that she can live in it until his youngest is 18? Or is that an agreement they made privately?

If court mandated then you’re stuck. If this is a private arrangement then time for a proper talk about changing circumstances meaning he has to settle his past and sort finances with his ex, by selling up. He can get a court order to sell if she won’t agree.

3luckystars · 30/07/2023 15:51

What age are his children?

TomatoSandwiches · 30/07/2023 15:52

Go back to work and buy your own house.

Original poster
Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 15:52

They aren’t married they made the agreement privately. Thing is I know he wants his kids to have a lovely house and he feels guilty that he left but why can’t we have a lovely home for all five of us when they come to stay?!

OP posts:
3luckystars · 30/07/2023 15:53

So is the house half his house? Is he on the deeds and is he paying the full mortgage?

OddBoots · 30/07/2023 15:54

" he can’t sell until his two kids are 18" Did he tell you this before you moved in together and had a child or has this come to light since?

HeddaGarbled · 30/07/2023 15:54

why should his ex have maintenance and a massive house

Goodness, we’ll all have to have a long think about that one.

Original poster
Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 15:54

The children with his are 5 and 8

OP posts:
nebulae · 30/07/2023 15:54

but why can’t we have a lovely home for all five of us when they come to stay?

You have a home. By the sound of things, you can't afford the home you'd really like but how many of us can? Nobody said life is fair. The choices you make in life have consequences.

Readyplayerthr33 · 30/07/2023 15:55

He needs to sell the house then, split the money fairly with his ex and then they can both sort out their own housing.
It is utterly ridiculous that he is still paying the mortgage for her this many years later. Time for them both to have a clean break.

bellac11 · 30/07/2023 15:56

So he jointly owns the previous home with his ex partner. She could buy him out, but can she afford to do that. If not she might need to sell if he wants to sell, but that would need to be worked out legally.

Can you and him not afford to buy at all or is it that you want some massive house?

Original poster
Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 15:56

I didn’t mean that he shouldn’t pay maintenance I absolutely agree he should - he made a commitment when having children to look after them. But why can’t we and his ex have a home we both own?!!

OP posts:
Simonjt · 30/07/2023 15:57

Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 15:56

I didn’t mean that he shouldn’t pay maintenance I absolutely agree he should - he made a commitment when having children to look after them. But why can’t we and his ex have a home we both own?!!

You could buy one.

Original poster
Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 15:57

We can’t afford to buy without releasing some of the equity from his house

OP posts:
SadKen82 · 30/07/2023 15:58

Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 15:56

I didn’t mean that he shouldn’t pay maintenance I absolutely agree he should - he made a commitment when having children to look after them. But why can’t we and his ex have a home we both own?!!

Best you go out and earn enough money to buy a house then.

Why didn't YOU purchase a home before you had a child?

tescocreditcard · 30/07/2023 15:59

Buy your own house!

Original poster
Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 16:00

Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 15:48

Hey there,

hoping I can get some advice or guidance- my partner and I have been together over 4 years we now have a beautiful 3 month old and we are in a rented house. My partner owns a house from a previous relationship where he has two lovely children and pays child maintenance. Thing is I want my little boy to have his own room and a house that is ours but all my partners money is tired up in the house he owns with his ex and he says he can’t sell until his two kids are 18!! But this is stopping us from getting a property which I think is so unfair - I don’t get child maintenance etc why should his ex have maintenance and a massive house???!!! I feel like I am paying for his exs lifestyle and kids - why can’t they downsize so his ex can get a solo mortgage? Any suggestions? Thank you in advance

to re-quote ‘of course he should pay maintenance my issue is him still owning another house stops us from buying as interest rates etc go sky high when you own two properties and also it would means we don’t have a big enough deposit without releasing equity

OP posts:
TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 30/07/2023 16:00

Does the ex girlfriend actually own 50% of the house? Is she paying any of the mortgage?

catsnhats11 · 30/07/2023 16:00

Why do you need to rely on him to own a home? Or think of it this way, she gets a house (for now) but you got the man and family unit she and you both wanted (since you said he left her).

IncompleteSenten · 30/07/2023 16:01

Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 15:56

I didn’t mean that he shouldn’t pay maintenance I absolutely agree he should - he made a commitment when having children to look after them. But why can’t we and his ex have a home we both own?!!

Are you sure? Because it certainly sounds like that's exactly what you meant.

"I don’t get child maintenance etc why should his ex have maintenance and a massive house???!"

DelilahBucket · 30/07/2023 16:01

I doubt this has just come to light OP. I have no sympathy. No one forced you to have a baby with him. You're not even married to him. You don't get to have a baby and then complain later that you're not happy he's looking after his kids.

Readyplayerthr33 · 30/07/2023 16:02

tescocreditcard · 30/07/2023 15:59

Buy your own house!

Maybe the ex should buy her own house? You can’t just be supported by a man forever because you popped out some kids. She’ll get half the equity, and can go buy her own home and continue to receive maintenance. He’ll get half the equity and can go buy his own home and continue to pay maintenance.

That’s what happens when you split up. You don’t get to keep living in someone else’s house and have them pay the mortgage for you. Ex has to grow up.

tescocreditcard · 30/07/2023 16:02

He's not daft is he? Living in a rented home with you whilst his asset is quietly growing in the background.

Where was he living when you met him