Should I report my health visitor? She shouted at my dog in my home?

[Anon1998]

We own a very excitable boxer dog, he gets excited by new faces and jumps up at strangers. For this reason, we keep him outside in a part of garden that’s fenced off when health professionals come, or another family member sits with him.

We've recently lost our spare front door key and my partner had took the front door key out with him. The health visitor turned up 25 minutes early. A family member was walking past and asked if they should call me as I hadn’t answered the door yet. I realised at this point I couldn’t let her in front door, and the dog was out the back.

I let her in the back gate and my dog, visibly excited, jumped up at the health visitor, leaving mud on her uniform. Far from ideal as I work in health care myself! She then shouted at my dog in a really abrupt, aggressive tone. Also, she called me someone else’s name the entire visit! If she had given me warning she was coming early I could have put my dog in a separate part of the garden which he can’t get out of. (I didn’t do this as she was about to walk off due to me not answering door
Immediately, I heard a family member pass asking if she wanted them to ring me, so I hurried to let her in back garden before she dashed off).

After she rang in for a new uniform, the visit began. She bombarded me with questions about how my dog is around my son, and 9 month old niece (already discussed he is calm and fine around children in previous visits). Her reasoning for this was because she said it took him a while to get off her whilst she shouted at him. Family members have said it’s unlikely that an excited dog is going to listen to a stranger that’s acted aggressive towards them on their “territory”.

I couldn’t have been more apologetic as I knew this would delay her schedule collecting a new uniform. However she raised her voice in my home.

I never normally have an issue with my health visitor however these past 2 visits I’ve felt abit patronised and spoken down too. She just jumps in before allowing me to finish my sentence. My son is teething and she asked if I’d given him anything, I replied “calpol”,
before I had the chance to say I’d only given him it on two occasions when I couldn’t get teething gel, she jumped in, telling me not to give him harsh stuff straight away. If she’d let me continue, I would of explained. She’s asked me if I have any info on weaning, I explained I help a lot with my niece whose weaning and have some books too. She warned me to ensure their up to date, I’m aware it’s her job to do this, but it’s the tone and way she says things. I wish she’d take some of my ideas on board before immediately shutting them down and enforcing her own agenda. (She works for NHS so I know she has to provide me guidance on these things as she told me).

I’m aware the stuff with the weaning and calpol is standard for them to check up on, I'm just giving a little background on previous visits. I just don’t like the manner she spoke to my dog in, in my home, around my son.

Apologies for the awful grammar I wrote
this in a hurry!

That's the thing though, communities have collapsed over the last few decades and lots of women don't have family close by.

Not to mention how outdated some of their advice would be. If I listened to my grandmothers I'd have weaned my baby off of breast milk and on to tea at 4 months, brandy to help them with teething, and no "boring" plain water ever.

She had every right tomshoht at your dog if it was jumping up at her and covering her with mud. It is irrelevant that you list your key and she was early because you let her in the back gate rather than saying 'wait here a minute while I put my dog somewhere else' or ' I'm sorry but we aren't ready for you yet, I need to deal with my dog'.

As to whether her questioning about the dog was justified noone can know this as we haven't met your 'excitable' dog. By the way I love dogs but cannot stand it when they jump all-over me because their owners haven't trained them properly.

We women have been birthing children and rearing children for centuries

Centuries during which there was a very high child mortality rate.

You sound absolutely awful and no way are the children safe when you couldn't get it off her, how the hell did it manage to jump on her? I wouldn't be surprised if social services pay a visit very soon.
The nerve of you to consider complaining about her! The entitlement is astounding, and the lack of care about the safety of others shocking. You are an hcp??

Just don't have her round again. My son is nearly 3 and hasn't seen a HV since he was 8 weeks old due to covid and me declining the 27 month review due to not seeing the point. They create more stress than they're worth.

If my whole job were to check on a young child at home, then I would certainly be very concerned by an out of control dog in the home.

I don't understand in which universe you think that she's going to come out of this worse than you.

She ls absolutely right to question your ability to control the dog as you're unable to do so.

You need to control your dog.

Yes you should . Find out who the manager is in your area and start there . Yes she might have gotten upset over dog jumping but she has no right to then question your pet ownership . I’ve seen some HV really anti pets , I’ve seen some actually telling people to rehome cats too . It’s vile

Sometimes a forceful "NO!" is needed when a dog seems not to understand that he can't jump up. It is quite effective, ime, so I would say the shouting - depending on the exact tone and volume - is forgivable here.

Her treatment of you is not great. You should have corrected her regarding your name, and as for interrupting you, I would have said quite calmly, "if you'd just let me finish my answer to your question..."

Train your dog. It's horrible to have a dog jump up at you.

Well trying to get a GP appointment is neither here nor there.
If I took any advice from my grandmothers or great aunts, chances are my DD would have a cot bumper, sleep on her front as a newborn and have rice in her bottle from 3 months and weaned a week later.

Family are great, but a lot of the time the older gen gave very outdated and now dangerous advice.

Health visitors are qualified medical professionals specially for new mums and babies. You try and get a GP out to your house while you can't drive due to a C section 1 week post birth to check you if you're not feeling well.

There are some shit HVs but there are some amazing ones who absolutely have a place in anything to do with postpartum.

I have a lovely HV (just to balance it out a bit) and she wears a uniform (well blue scrubs) 😁

if this did happen I am honestly embarrassed for you OP, you don’t have control of your dog and you need to focus on this first and foremost.

also I think you’re being a bit precious about the calpol thing, if he mainly has teething gel why did you answer calpol if you’ve only given it to him twice? She gave you the proper advice so.

Child protection and safeguarding is a major part of their role. Unfortunately, parents have also been neglecting and abusing their children for centuries.

Yabvvu

I would be shocked and annoyed and I have a boxer. He's a total idiot.

Your fault this one. I'm sure she would be happy for you to request a new HV so do that and save her a job.

Sounds like you really need to train your dog to not jump up at people! I don't think your health visitor acted inappropriately by shouting at your dog... lots of people would have done the same! She should, however, know your name.

Really! They are like that for a reason and some can do what they need to without being obvious but others can't but they are all there for the same reason ie to ensure baby is being managed appropriately and bit more as you know.

I can understand op, I have a dog albeit a smaller one than yours but she gets a bit jumpy and annoying with visitors so have to shut her outside, whereas when it's just us at home she's so placid so Hv was wrong for suggesting the dog could be harmful to your DS. I guess she had to ask though.

but honestly I'd let it go, she clearly didn't want the dog jumping up.

as for the other stuff just take it with a pinch of salt. Health visitors are known to be a bit opinionated and up themselves so much so I avoided them as much as possible.

DS had a 2 year check and refused to ankle any referrals despite hair being obvious issues with his development, she said there was nothing wrong yet 2 laters he was diagnosed with asd. My point is health visitors are useless, the only positive experience with one is a lady I met a couple times when my youngest was a baby, she was lovely but the rest have been horrible.

She sounds thorough. I wouldn’t care if she mildly offended a few parents so long she’s properly safeguarding the children. Sounds like she was worried about the dog jumping on a small child. I’m sure your dog is lovely but it’s good she’s asking questions.

I never get offended at what nhs workers/teachers ask as I know they’re doing it for good reason. They don’t know me from Adam and it’s their job to safeguard my kids.

The wrong name thing isn’t ideal, I agree. Maybe flustered from the dog incident or just having a full on day.

All the best with your little one!

Unfortunately most health visitors are utterly useless.

My 2 kids havent seen one since they where little babies, they just seem to 'forget' and my DS has SN and we are constantly told to tell the health visitor for referals but we DONT HAVE ONE, my DS health visitor buggered off into the void when covid started never to been seen or heard from again.

She also clearly hated cats and harrased us relentlessly to get rid of them, she came by ever few days for the first 2 months doing 'spot check' and complaining how dangerous cats where around babies, she bullied us into buying stupid cat net devices that we have never used and didn't want. She also made us rearrange our furniture because she didnt like it, including moving older DS bed in his private bedroom that no one else goes in.

Eventually another health visitor (I assume her boss) accompanied her (most have wondered why on earth she was coming back near daily), the boss health visitor complimented how wonderful our cats are and how nice our house was while the original health vistor sat silently with a shocked face like thunder and then we never heard from them again.

We where told when we asked what was going on to take my DS to the surestart as the where no longer doing routine health visitors but then surestart along with this clinic shut down in 2019.

I wouldnt report her, but i would ask for her to stop coming.

Unbelievable. Your dog jumped up at her, frightening her and ruining her uniform and you want to complain about her???. I despair.

Your dog jumping up at strangers so your dog not under control and definitely shouldn't be trusted around small children.

Some people do NOT like dogs. It's possible she was totally thrown by being jumped at by a large animal. Its likely as a result of the assault, her adrenaline was very high so she would have been in a fight or flight stressed mode.
No professional should expect be assaulted by a dog when doing a home visit.
I would have walked out had this happened to me.
That animal is deemed in law to be under your control. You are responsible for its behaviour. You have to take responsibility here and should apologise.

You messed up...

If you don't want to teach your dog not to jump on visitors then you teach your dog to follow your cues to go where they are told to go and wait there quietly til you come back.

Today makes no sense though - you couldn't have let the HV in the front door even if she'd turned up at the right time, if you couldn't hear her knocking, I don't see why you'd have heard her any other time either, and you were always going to have to dash out via the back way to tell her to come in that way.

You failed to plan what to do with the dog, you've also failed to get a spare key cut (not a difficult task surely!).

Then instead of going out of the garden, shutting the gate and explaining to her she'd need to wait for you to shut the dog away... you just tell her to come in and she gets clobbered by a drooling bouncing idiotic muddy boxer? ?

Yes, I'd be pissed off!

Im a dog person, who used to do home visits for dog training and I'd still be pissed off.

How hard would it have been to hold the dogs collar or put a lead on him?

I live with dogs that would absolutely muller visitors by bouncing and dicking about, but I don't have enough visitors to bother teaching them not to (and it does require a fair number of willing visitors, which I don't have) - so they're taught to go in another room if the door bell rings and behave themselves quietly (or at least misbehave in there quietly).

Even if they were all polite, being greeted by four/five/six dogs (currently three, still too many for lots of people) is too much and not fair to ask of them when they're in your home for some other purpose.