Should I report my health visitor? She shouted at my dog in my home?

[Anon1998]

We own a very excitable boxer dog, he gets excited by new faces and jumps up at strangers. For this reason, we keep him outside in a part of garden that’s fenced off when health professionals come, or another family member sits with him.

We've recently lost our spare front door key and my partner had took the front door key out with him. The health visitor turned up 25 minutes early. A family member was walking past and asked if they should call me as I hadn’t answered the door yet. I realised at this point I couldn’t let her in front door, and the dog was out the back.

I let her in the back gate and my dog, visibly excited, jumped up at the health visitor, leaving mud on her uniform. Far from ideal as I work in health care myself! She then shouted at my dog in a really abrupt, aggressive tone. Also, she called me someone else’s name the entire visit! If she had given me warning she was coming early I could have put my dog in a separate part of the garden which he can’t get out of. (I didn’t do this as she was about to walk off due to me not answering door
Immediately, I heard a family member pass asking if she wanted them to ring me, so I hurried to let her in back garden before she dashed off).

After she rang in for a new uniform, the visit began. She bombarded me with questions about how my dog is around my son, and 9 month old niece (already discussed he is calm and fine around children in previous visits). Her reasoning for this was because she said it took him a while to get off her whilst she shouted at him. Family members have said it’s unlikely that an excited dog is going to listen to a stranger that’s acted aggressive towards them on their “territory”.

I couldn’t have been more apologetic as I knew this would delay her schedule collecting a new uniform. However she raised her voice in my home.

I never normally have an issue with my health visitor however these past 2 visits I’ve felt abit patronised and spoken down too. She just jumps in before allowing me to finish my sentence. My son is teething and she asked if I’d given him anything, I replied “calpol”,
before I had the chance to say I’d only given him it on two occasions when I couldn’t get teething gel, she jumped in, telling me not to give him harsh stuff straight away. If she’d let me continue, I would of explained. She’s asked me if I have any info on weaning, I explained I help a lot with my niece whose weaning and have some books too. She warned me to ensure their up to date, I’m aware it’s her job to do this, but it’s the tone and way she says things. I wish she’d take some of my ideas on board before immediately shutting them down and enforcing her own agenda. (She works for NHS so I know she has to provide me guidance on these things as she told me).

I’m aware the stuff with the weaning and calpol is standard for them to check up on, I'm just giving a little background on previous visits. I just don’t like the manner she spoke to my dog in, in my home, around my son.

Apologies for the awful grammar I wrote
this in a hurry!

Totally agree.

You seem to be rankled because she shouted 'in my home'. It's not some holy place where hush is necessary FGS. Get used to noise and shouting- I have 3 DS. It's a DOG she shouted at after being given a scare, not you. You are being utterly ridiculous and precious.

Ha. My post can be summarises to this too.🤣 Perfect.

I don’t think anyone who has had children harmed by a dog has said “yes they are known to be viscous”. I love dogs, but they are still animals and can be unpredictable and feel threatened easily. She was right to be concerned.

No you shouldn't but you do need get some control over your dog. Your dog is a large dog which is probably quite scary to some people when it jumps on you.

I imagine that this is an autocorrect error, but the idea of a viscous dog does make me laugh. Her uniform would have been even more of a mess!

Bloody hell. Have you thought maybe she was scared? She doesn’t know your dog. She doesn’t know if it’s friendly. She maybe nervous of dogs at the best of times.

by all means report her but it will be a waste of your time and energy because I can promise you her manager won’t give a shiny shit.

Do you not have your own front door key?

"We've recently lost our spare front door key and my partner had took the front door key out with him"

I wouldn't complain about the fact she shouted at your dog while it was jumping all over her. She was probably shocked and her first instinct was to shout. If you feel it's necessary, it's reasonable to pass on your thoughts on her approach (i.e. speaking down to you, talking over you etc) to her supervisor. To be honest, I just wouldn't accept any other visits from the health visitor.

@mouse70
Indeed.
Yet this lucky lady gets one dirty and "rings in" for another.
Big chinny reckon here.
Or, yes, OP, YABU. Sort your dog out.

Haha yes it was 😂 hilarious

vicious

Agree with all of this.

To be honest, I wouldn’t want muddy paws on me either (sorry).

I think they have to view a dog? I’m not sure. Mine was in the kitchen and she asked me to get him out. The reason he was in the kitchen is because he’s a licker, he loves people and wants the loving. If you don’t speak or touch him he wanders away. I did as she asked and he came in all jolly and licked the pen she was writing with - …. repeatedly 🤣until I said “would you like me to put him away now”? She had two dogs of her own so didn’t mind.

If you get away without her complaining about an out of control dog in a vicinity of a baby I'd consider that a win.

There's no way I'd be calling attention to the dog. You really are just asking for trouble.

And no your dog is not under control if it jumps up at people and you have no way of stopping it other than putting it in another room. You're lucky she only shouted at it your dog does that to the wrong person at the wrong time it could be a far worse result, either in terms of the person reporting it or reacting worse. Do your dog a favour and train it better

She sounds a bit rubbish- spoke to you condescendingly, didn’t listen, couldn’t be bothered to get your name right. Is she actually doing anything of value?

It’s not nice having someone’s dog jump up at you and make you muddy though. I really hate that especially if they won’t stop, won’t listen to the owner and you keep having to push them off. I would have been annoyed too if I’d been her.

Even so, people are confusing “big dog that jumps up at strangers in excitement and makes them muddy” with “big dog that’s generally out of control and is a danger to the children in its own household”. Boxers are famously excitable and energetic, but that’s not the same as being aggressive, and people shouldn’t be assuming the OP doesn’t know her own dog. The two boxers I’ve know that belonged to family members were both a pain in the arse because they’d jump up like mad things and slobber all over you, but completely non-aggressive when you wrestled them off. It’s not good for them to be badly trained like that but it certainly doesn’t mean they’re a danger. A lot of dog attacks are by dogs that are not the slightest bit bouncy, but react extremely quickly and viciously to a small provocation.

I once called someone the wrong name through a visit. Like your HV I'd see several different faces everyday & this one occasion I got it mixed up.

I was really embarrassed when I realised & wondered why on earth he hadn't just said 'Its PJ not JP' the first time instead of letting me carry on like a tit.

Also, nobody likes a big jumpy dog except the big jumpy dog's owner.

YABU.

As others have said, the HV is in the right here. You should NOT have let your dog jump up her/all over her. Why do some people think their dogs shit don't stink and they can't do a thing wrong? Not everyone wants your mutt jumping all over them ta very much! My friend recently went to someone's house to pick up her son, and was asked in as he 'wasn't ready yet' and three big dogs bounced towards her, 2 jumped up her, and 1 jumped up so far he put a deep scratch on her chest, and then one of the other 2 proceeded to piss up her handbag in the hall.

Fucking disgusting behaviour, yet she didn't get a single apology, just the owner of the house (her son's friend's dad,) saying 'oooh they do get excitable when visitors come in.' She said she would never have gone into the bloody house if she'd have known there were 3 big dogs in the house. She could HEAR them but thought they were in the garden. The owner couldn't see a thing wrong with the behaviour of their dogs. Not the fault of the dogs themselves of course, but this was outrageous. My friend said 'at least I don't live next to them. Imagine these 3 mutts yap yap yapping all day...'

Also @Anon1998 I would be concerned about your dog around a baby too. Any dog can suddenly turn and SNAP. And boxers are especially unpredictable.

i grew up with dogs. Dogs are great. But they are also animals. As a child, I experienced our normally lovely, gentle dog bite me. He’d been around children for years and showed any issues. So please don’t think your dog will simply be fine around children just because they have been so far.

It sounds like this HV is doing a fantastic job of putting your children first.

Have you considered spending some of your maternity time away from your important healthcare job training your dog?

Health visitors don’t wear a uniform (well definitely not in the North East & I’m pretty sure that’s standard across UK)
Are you sure she was a health visitor?

You can say your dog is calm around the children till you're blue in the face, that's not what the HV is seeing if it jumped at her! She has every right to be concerned about a big bouncy (or any) dog around a baby! We have 2 small terrier type dogs, who like yours, are amazing when it's just us at home, but absolute mental with excitement when people come over. We've always had them in the kitchen behind a baby gate when HV or midwives come round, but should 1 jump on them, I wouldn't be offended if they said something!

I think she is correct to question you. You should have a system for when people visit, and crate the dog or shut him off in a different area. I know you said she was looking to leave but you either shout over the fence for her to hang on, or call out the window and say you just need to contain the dog. If you can't follow this at all times then she is correct to wonder if you aren't always on the ball with the dog around the children.

Why can't you open your front door without a key? I thought you needed a key to get in, but not to go outside surely. Why is he locking the door on his way out if he knows you won't be able to open the door?

You have a poorly trained dog. I would expect the HV to not want to come round again.

25 minutes is within the window that someone like a health visitor might show up early. They are making the rounds and if they get ahead of schedule by a bit they are going to take advantage of that because it is just as easy to get behind schedule.

your dog jumped on someone. even without the mud, yelling is a natural reaction.

so you have a dog that jumps on strangers (and strangers can be children too) and a front door that doesn’t work in the event of an emergency evacuation. It’s not surprising that the HV was primed to start judging every little thing. Her job is to support, but and get educate and get you to a place of doing better, but she is also human and was upset about the start to the visit.

Instead of complaining about the Hv, there are simple fixes to your problems. If you must have a double keyed door, you should have a dedicated key for exiting that never leaves its dedicated and very obvious spot so it is easy to find and grab in a fire. I’ve also never known a dog owner who didn’t keep a lead right by the garden door so they could pop it on the dog quickly if needed.

YABU - I’d love to get the rest/other side of this whole episode.

Shouting at a dog to get down is not aggression, and asking you questions about the dog's behaviour around your dc is not out of line. Get the dog trained or keep it out of the way, no excuses.