Friend shows up after 9 years

[Antares444]

Not sure if this is the right place for this topic… I was friends with a lady for many years. We traveled together, spoke on the phone all the time, met frequently… we were best friends. 9 years ago she got pregnant. I have a son so I thought it would make us even closer, being both of us mons. But all of a sudden she stopped calling. I gave her some space a few days and then asked her if she was OK. She replied that she was too busy to see me and she was bonding with a group of local women that were also pregnant because the kids will go to the same school and she wanted to be friends with different people now. It was a blow for me after so many years of good friendship so I always suspected there must be something else. I kept on sending messages to her on her birthday and Christmas and she always sent a dismissive answer so I stopped, got over it, accepted the fact that maybe she never liked me that much.
I was at work today and during a meeting my phone rang. It was her. I had to ignore the call so she sent me a message. She said “I know we lost contact but I would love to be your friend again”. Just like this. No explanations after 9 years. She asked me if she can write me an email to tell me about the past 9 years. I want to be fair, maybe something bad happened to her and she wanted a radical change, new people… on the other hand, I feel upset because she didn’t care at all about me for so so long. I wanted to write back and ask her to tell me why she stopped talking to me but a part of me would like to just ignore her like she did to me.
What would you do?

Honestly?
I'd reply why? You ended our friendship because you wanted to be friends with a different group of people and didn't want me in your life any more. I'm not interested in resuming the friendship.

I'd probably send a text to say I think that boat has sailed, don't you? We didn't lose contact - you chose to drop me.

Personally I would hear her explanation and take it from there.
If she did just ditch you for other people then I probably wouldn't be interested in resuming a friendship.
If however there was more too it - an abusive relationship that she's now left or similar then I would perhaps feel differently

I'd be too interested to find out what the reason was I think, so I'd respond to get the explanation, then depending on that, decide whether I'd resume the friendship (I suspect I wouldn't tbh, but I'd still want to know!)

I'd want to hear too.
It doesn't obligate you to anything

I would be so curious to find out that I would have to say yes.

It depends if you want to be friends again. If you want her back in your life then ask her what has changed now, be honest how you feel.

I broke contact with a friend because she said something so hurtful to me twice in quick succession when I was going through a difficult time. I know my ex friend has absolutely no idea that what she said made me decide I didn't want her in my life because she has asked a mutual friend about it! So maybe it could be something like that in this case? A misunderstanding that maybe time has healed for her?

I would let her email. And then you can make an informed decision

I'd be too nosy not to want to find out.

Agree to receive the email and see what it says.

Like others I’d be keen to hear what she says. It could be she was in an abusive / coercive relationship? You can hear what she says and still after that say you don’t want to rekindle the friendship once you’ve had a think.

I’d say “Goodness - this is a blast from the past. What have you been up to?”

see what she says then take it from there.

Thanks for all the answers! I wrote Honestly, I thought I would never hear from you again. You can write me and tell me about the past 9 years and what made you disappear”
I’m too curious!

I agree with others, let her send the email and see what she has to say. Then you can decide whether or not to let her back into your life.

This happened to me - my closest friend didn't actually say it in so many words but she married years before me, moved to the country and started a family. I did all the travelling and for a while that was fine, until I met my husband and wasn't quite so accommodating. She did things like invite me to her birthday then uninvite me when she found out my partner would be away as it was 'mainly couples', she would cancel any meet ups last minute, basically she just stopped making any effort at all. It limped along but I saw that all the effort was from me. So I stopped snd I didn't hear from her for years.
More than a decade later and out of the blue she calls and says she is travelling down with her family to see me. We met up and it's like the intervening time didn't exist.
I don't know why she lost interest for those years but she's back in my life now and I do feel the need for as many friends as possible. It will never be the same - we aren't the same people - but I've accepted her back in my life and it's all the more richer for it.

This.

I'd have absolutely no interest in reading about the last 9 years of her life that she chose to exclude me from.

This is a classic "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" situation.

I’d probably say that I would hear her out but wouldn’t promise anything.

I'd be curious to hear her story, but it would have to be a bloody good one to even consider speaking again.

I'd say something like 'I'm very surprised to hear from you, I was very hurt when you ended contact so I'm not sure friendship can be possible, but if you'd like to email that's fine'.

See what she says - if it's a lame 'look at me and what I've been up to for 9 years' email I'd ignore and block.

All the best op, yes I'd be intrigued too, the person could of been recruited for special ops etc.

I'd just reply " On consideration, I don't want to resume any contact. Please respect this".

You don't owe her any explanations or special consideration.

I say ‘sure - love to hear how you are’ - for all you know something odd was going on and it might help her to get it down. When she writes back you can either just wish her well and leave it (most likely) or gently try picking up.

I think I would be curious to know why she is returning now. As PP have said, let her write to you, but don't make any promises. The friendship won't be the same but it could still be worthwhile.

“I know we lost contact but I would love to be your friend again”.

I would be curious, but wary. Because the 'lost contact' suggests to me that she's going to downplay her shitty behaviour and you're likely to be fed a load of bollocks.

Agree with above. Find out what she has to say but be wary. If she did just ditch you for a new crowd that hasn't worked out she won't just say that I don't suppose

She treated you like shit and now you've started the friendship up again. Be wary, you'll probably get binned off again when something better comes along

Leopard, spots

I’ve had a couple of friends pull this sort of thing now. I’d ignore them if they got in touch.