Mil has told dp to pack his stuff and leave.

[ShakeysGirl]

She is the most frustrating, spiteful person i have ever had the misfortune of knowing. Dp stays at mine 5 nights a week but he has his dinner with her and his dad every night. This morning we decided it would be nice to have our dinner together, so he calls his dad and explains he wouldn't be there this evening. She has just text him saying if you can't be home for dinner then pack your stuff and leave! Wtf? Hes gutted. I've been sympathetic but have refrained from giving my opinion on her.

Why doesnt he pay you anything? He is at yours the majority of the time.

you are not responsible for his actions.

look at this relationship, he is 27, lives with his mother who when she says "jump" he says "how high", and who thinks he's "not ready for a relationship".

you are not welcome in his mother's house.

He has no money, despite the fact he lives at home, pays no rent, and stays at yours the majority of the time.

You don't want him living with you because he hasn't earned your trust following an internet flertation with some woman on facebook.

He's constantly in tears over the things his mother says to him. (now im all in favour of men being in touch with their emotions but constantly in tears would turn me right off... fgs man get a grip).

Why exactly are you still together? Apart from you being afraid of what he might do if you end it?

And given all of the above, esp the not wanting him to move in, do you really, honestly, think your relationship has a future? because if so you are deluding yourself IMO.

He has learnt well from his mother - he is emotionally blackmailing you.

Get rid.

i think you have to have him at yours less tbh as 5 nights a week is not a convincing buck or u have fucked up amount

dont l;et him stay with u as much or send him home at 2 am

whatever you say about him he always sounds a total nob tbh

I'm sure you will do better and don't call yourslef shakeysgirl

it puts you down

Dont let him do this to you- its emotional blackmail.

His family sopund like that sitcom years ago- 'Sorry'- remember little Ronnie Corbett as 'Timothy'?????

So let me get this straight:

1. you don't trust him
2. his mother doesn't like you
3. he lacks the backbone to stand up for either of the women in his life but rather swithers between the two of you according to what he is wanting at that particular time
4. you have other children to be responsible for and to protect from emotional upset

Ok - I'm with those who say RUN!!!

Read all the thread and there is such good advice on here.

To repeat, general consensus is RUN.

I know how hard it would be to make the break, seriously, so I do empathise.

But surely you know that this relationship with this freeloading, emotionally immature and weak-willed man is doomed.

If you won't make a break for your own sanity, do it for your children. It is not good for them to witness their mother putting up with this crap and enduring all this nonsense. They will grow up to believe that is is acceptable behaviour. Would you want your kids to be treated like this by their partners?

This man is 27 and needs to grow up, stop crying on your shoulder when things don't go his way,throwing emotional blackmail your way and not paying his way anywhere and pissing his money up the wall

You say he has low self-esteem, sorry to be heartless but bollocks to his self-esteem (self indulgence more like) - if you carry on like this your self-esteem will be in pieces. Please start thinking for yourself. Don't waste any more of your time on him.

I know that people looking in from the outside would say leave him and i would say the same if i was reading this but i guess i have to reach that point myself emotionally before i can detach myself iyswim. I love him i really do and i know how good things could be if he just grew up. But i've given him so much time and to be fair he is starting to stand up to her so part of me feels that i've given so much to this relationship and it would be for nothing if i walked away now. It is so hard to see him cry.

better to leave now than give lots more and see that go down the drain as well. Men like this don't change, mil's like this don't change. You and your kids deserve more.

What will you feel in 5 years time if he is still basically the same - another 5 years invested/wasted.

The FUNDAMENTALS that you need in a relationship to be secure are not there, such as reasonable family relationships, respect, faithfullness, emotional empathy and maturity, financial probity, strength of character. He will probably not get better than he is now, and if he does it will be a very small change, or will regress into the behaviour he is showing now. Please know that in all likelihood things will get worse

PLEASE do not throw away your youth and energy on someone in the vague hope that things will improve at some unspecified point in the future. PLEASE do not be like me in that I know that I threw away the vast majority of my 20s on someone who didn't deserve a second of my time or an ounce of my love.

You'll hurt more in 5 years time when nowt has changed but you'll be more sucked in.

Either move him in and make a go of it (if that is what you want) or sling his hook for him. You can't go on like this.

"i know how good things could be if he just grew up. "

he is 27!!

DH was a company director at 27, with a wife (me obviously !!) , mortgage and child .... sorry, but i would be so wary of a man of 27 who has yet to grow up.. how long will you give him? until he is 30? 35? 40? and in the meantime you are in limbo with your own children.

is he taking any steps to improve things? counselling? CBT? anything taht will allow him to break free

it is like saying, my life will be so much better when i have lost some weight

life is for living and enjoying NOW, not at some mythical point in the future

you are treading water

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You don't blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the President. You realize that you control your own destiny.

Albert Ellis

I do feel in some ways that my life is on hold and i cant plan a future. Or that i will wake up one morning and realise that i've wasted all my time on him and will be left with nothing and no one will want me because i'll have done nothing with my life and have nothing to offer. I need to ask him what he sees in his future, what he wants and how he plans on achieving it. I wish i didn't love him because it would be so much simpler and clearer.

i loved my exdp and we were together for 8 years before he lkeft me

6 months later and i realise that apart from loving him it was time wasted

What a control freak (his mother)
Can anyone remember that sitcom from the 80's with Ronnie Corbett (I think his character was called Timothy) who was a grown man living with his very strong, spiteful, controlling mother? Well This is what springs to mind when I am reading your threads Shakey.
He has to remember he is a grown man with a life of his own. He needs to stand up to her more. What does his father say or do about the situation?. Does he just sit there and let her control his life too? Does he get any support at all from his father?
I guess he just sits back and lets her get on with it. (anything for an easy life!)
Your BF relly needs to decide what he really wants in life, and that does'nt mean cutting her out of it but if she doesn't stop with the spiteful and hurtful comments she may lose him anyway. He cannot go through life like this.
Poor you, stuck right in the middle of it.

oops tiredemma xthread

he is the one stuck in the middle

the two women can choose she has said go on then

so you can either say find your own place or live with me

so it's your choice

SG - I can put your issue in a nutshell for you:
You want a serious relationship.
You want this bloke.
These 2 wishes obviously are never going to go together
You know this damn well but don't want to admit it becasue then you have to do something about it.
You know what you need to do - no point putting off the inevitible.
Make a list of all the things that would need to change for you to be happy.
Now honestly - how many can you see happening?
Right then - move on.
You do not deserve all this shit and you are not doing him any favours as he will never learn to deal with it if no-one makes him

Sounds very basic written down like that and I do feel for you
Still stand by it though

the sitcom was 'Sorry!'

You are terrified you will lose him? TBH it doesn't appear it would be a great loss.

Maybe if you aren't ready to finish it for good you could have a break? He will either realise he can't live without you and get his act together, or you will realise you haven't actually missed him and you can manage very well without him, thank you very much.