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Original poster

Mil has told dp to pack his stuff and leave.

138 replies

ShakeysGirl · 03/01/2008 18:10

She is the most frustrating, spiteful person i have ever had the misfortune of knowing. Dp stays at mine 5 nights a week but he has his dinner with her and his dad every night. This morning we decided it would be nice to have our dinner together, so he calls his dad and explains he wouldn't be there this evening. She has just text him saying if you can't be home for dinner then pack your stuff and leave! Wtf? Hes gutted. I've been sympathetic but have refrained from giving my opinion on her.

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wannaBe · 03/01/2008 18:52

I went out with a guy when I was 16, he was 21 and still lived with his mother. 21 not that old to be still living at home maybe, but his mother did everything for him. Anyway, I grew up and he didn't, he is now 39 and guess where he lives?

discoverlife · 03/01/2008 18:52

I don't think I would call this a serious relationship, no matter how long its been going. FFS you don't even know where he works? How much does he bring home on average, how much could/would he contribute to a joint home or his living expenses.
I have a live at home 21 yr old and we confronted him about when he was moving out. He asked for a few days and later showed us his wages, debts and a plan to get himself clear with a suitable deposit for a house. Its going to take him 2 1/2 years BUT at least we now have a target for turning the bedroom into a hmmmmm. turkish sauna!!! .

08aGreatYearForCarmenere · 03/01/2008 18:52

So if he moves out she might have to face the problems in her own marriage. that is probably good incentive to emotionally blackmail him to saty.

rosalinda · 03/01/2008 18:52

if you are his first proper relationship then you could well end up becoming his new mummy, but you've already got kids haven.t you?

Hecate · 03/01/2008 18:54

you will always come second to his mother. He will never be man enough to stand up to her. He is a mama's boy and will just expect you to be his mother as well. Your relationship will be a huge stress with her in the middle of it.

For the life of me I can't figure out why you don't get out. You don't have kids together and you don't even live together, he shows you no respect or consideration and he goes after other women.

you need to work on your self-respect Shakeysgirl.

And you ought to change your username and be something yourself, rather than presenting yourself as something of his.

LIZS · 03/01/2008 18:54

Think you know the answer really. He simply is not worth the family aggravation and lacks commitment to you.

Original poster
ShakeysGirl · 03/01/2008 18:56

He has 2 jobs, one in a bar and one as a singer\dj he goes out alot so doesn't save up. He seems to think hes 17 in his head and this is how his mother treats him. She puts him down alot, tells him he's fat and useless, he's often in tears about it. Nothing he ever does is good enough. He is always the life and soul but know one knows what he is really like underneath, his self esteem is rock bottom and his mother plays on it to get what she wants.

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VictorianSqualor · 03/01/2008 18:57

Wannabe, the post about flirting, IIRC was a girl he knew on facebook from the pub that he had messaged asking her if she 'would' if he was single.

Which is why SG doesn't trust him enough to have him move in with her.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 03/01/2008 18:57

I am wondering if he tells her one thing and you another.....

lulumama · 03/01/2008 18:57

do you think he flirts with other women to boost his self esteem?

StarlightMcKenzie · 03/01/2008 18:58

This reply has been deleted

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VictorianSqualor · 03/01/2008 19:00

are you really making excuses for him SG?

Seriously, he is a grown man, he doesn't have to put up with this stuff, he has a choice, and has decided to live at home until the age of 27, because it's easy. He allows his mother to treat him this way because he obviously enjoys the life of luxury, not paying a penny, going out when he wants etc, I bet when he moans about her it's because something hasn't gone his way or he's drunk, am I right?

I have known and left a man ezactly the same as this, except it was his grandad he lvied with.

discoverlife · 03/01/2008 19:00

Is this him telling you what she says by any chance? or do you hear it out of the dragons lips yourself.
The 'Im downtrodden/ unapprieciated/ poor/ got no sex life', record is so old it has gouges in it where the needle runs.
If he is in tears its not hurting him is it, he then gets cuddles and sex and no commitment.

LIZS · 03/01/2008 19:02

exactly NAB and it is very convenient for him that the 2 are unlikely to ever compare notes Maybe he likes it this way ?

Original poster
ShakeysGirl · 03/01/2008 19:02

She can't stand her own h and they sleep in different rooms. Dp tries everything to stay in her good books and he really struggles to see what he is doing to make her hate him. I know people think i should leave him but i do love him and when its good it is fantastic.

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VictorianSqualor · 03/01/2008 19:05

Maybe she knows what he is like and is fed up with him taking the piss using her house as a hotel and not paying his way but spending his money down the pub and practically living with you???

SG, how often is it 'good' though???

LIZS · 03/01/2008 19:05

It isn't a case of leaving him . Emotionally and physically he isn't with you to leave.

08aGreatYearForCarmenere · 03/01/2008 19:05

Perhaps she is right, perhaps he is useless, perhaps he is a weak user and she sees him behaving like that with you and despises him and you for it. Perhaps she is really disappointed with her son.

Original poster
ShakeysGirl · 03/01/2008 19:09

I've been there when shes told him hes fat and worthless. I've seen the texts shes sent him and the replies hes sent back (usually sorry, i love you) i think he needs some sort of counselling as he has grown up with this and its affected him deeply.

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Original poster
ShakeysGirl · 03/01/2008 19:17

Hes just called in tears to say hes in a taxi on his way and they have had a row, so i'm about to find out whats been said. Will be back later. I am hoping she has relented on kicking him out.

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StarlightMcKenzie · 03/01/2008 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lulumama · 03/01/2008 19:19

i thikn the healthiest thing that could happen is that he leaves and makes his own way, rather than grovelling to a controlling and nasty woman

good luck, you;ll need it

VictorianSqualor · 03/01/2008 19:21

SG, I do feel for him if ti is as you say, obviously we have no idea whathas happened in the past to make their relationship this tenuous, it could be a reason behind his drinking and seeming lack of maturity. If you are deadly serious at working this out, he needs to get some serious help, and not whislt living with you, even if gets a bedsit and still stays with you a few nights a week, but he will need to stand on his own two feet.

PeachyHasAFiggyPudInTheOven · 03/01/2008 20:23

'She can't stand her own h and they sleep in different rooms. Dp tries everything to stay in her good books and he really struggles to see what he is doing to make her hate him'

yep, my MIL!

Who had 2 boys

one ran (my DH), the other didn't and iss till tehre in his mid theirties, except marriage collapsed anyway and now BIL is lumbered with half the mortgage and desperately trying to keep a roof over their jheads whilst she bans him from having gorlfriends and mates in the house!

So- I wouldn't necessarily advise to blow out purely on MIL issues as I would have lost my Dh on that method which would be a terrible shame BUT he could equallya s easily be a BIL, BIL did have a partner but she gave up after a few years, is now happily amrried to someone else.

The internet stuff would be enough for me but most of all

You really allow a man to stay with you 5 nights a week, and you've been together a year, without knowing where he works???? or what he does with his cash?

Blimey!

Original poster
ShakeysGirl · 03/01/2008 21:49

Of course i know where he works, and have been there loads of times as its my local. Hes had a huge row with his mum, she thinks he is going downhill and that he is abandoning her. Shes told him he can stay as long as he promises to spend quality time with her. Then whilst he was here she text him to say she was sorry and loves him really but can't bear to see him lowering himself and shutting himself away from her. Shes told him hes a disappointment and she doesn't think hes ready to have a relationship.

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