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Original poster

Mil has told dp to pack his stuff and leave.

138 replies

ShakeysGirl · 03/01/2008 18:10

She is the most frustrating, spiteful person i have ever had the misfortune of knowing. Dp stays at mine 5 nights a week but he has his dinner with her and his dad every night. This morning we decided it would be nice to have our dinner together, so he calls his dad and explains he wouldn't be there this evening. She has just text him saying if you can't be home for dinner then pack your stuff and leave! Wtf? Hes gutted. I've been sympathetic but have refrained from giving my opinion on her.

OP posts:
TellusMater · 03/01/2008 18:37

You can have a great relationship with your parents and not still live with them.

And eating with them then coming to you to spend the night?

fireflyfairy2 · 03/01/2008 18:37

A lot of the problems are caused by her...

Erm..like him posting on the net looking for other women...

If I were you I would get out of this family now, they're a waste of your time.

Elizabetth · 03/01/2008 18:37

I've to say I'm a bit that a woman is getting called a bitch for wanting her 27 year old never-left-home son to vacate her house. Would any parent be happy if their adult son was popping home for tea then staying at his GF's house every night?

Maybe she has plans for his bedroom.

Original poster
ShakeysGirl · 03/01/2008 18:39

Mil is quicker to type than my boyfriends mad mother. Its me that doesn't want him living here full time because he hasn't proved to me that hes trustworthy yet although he is trying. As for why he is living at his mums at 27 i have no idea. It is imo sad and he should have cut the apron strings long ago. I really don't understand how there relationship works. I don't think he can afford his own place, he pays nothing out to either me or his mum. She apparently wont accept it from him.

OP posts:
tribpot · 03/01/2008 18:39

Yes like Monica in Friends - her parents turned her room into a gym

wannaBe · 03/01/2008 18:40

where are the threads about him looking for other women on the internet?

If I recall, this woman has done the same before, something to do with sunday lunch?

The fact he still lives at home at 27 and "worships his mother" would set huuuuuge alarm bells ringing for me,and I would have head for the hills along time ago.

expatinscotland · 03/01/2008 18:40

i hate reading this threads because i have so been there, done that and i wish to heaven i'd listened to all my predecessors who looked on my predicament and yelled the best advise i never took about men who are like this with their mothers:

RUN!!!!!!!

expatinscotland · 03/01/2008 18:40

snap, wannabe.

lulumama · 03/01/2008 18:42

what does he do for a living?

SantaBabyBeenAnAwfulGoodGirl · 03/01/2008 18:42

this is more or less what daughters boyfriend does...he stays with me every night but often has dinner at his mums

He is 27 and dd1 is 24

Don't think it's that unusual for people still to be at home it's expensive otherwise

I do find it a bit irritating as they don'tpay me anything

If she is fed up then you have to just either take him in or get him to find a room somewhere maybe with a mate

LIZS · 03/01/2008 18:42

Then he should be quids in and if he isn't why not ? Don't know about your relationship probelms but iiwy I'd encourage him to find his own place so at least his mother is taken out fo the equation and he wouldn't be able to use her pressuring him as an excuse so easily. Only then you can really assess your relationship on its own terms.

tribpot · 03/01/2008 18:42

Sounds like it's up to him to figure out. If he genuinely can't afford to get his own place (and why not, presumably he is working?) than he sounds a bit of a dead loss on the face of it. You're quite right not to have him move in with you, I'd be offering practical advice about how to find a house share if I were you!

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 03/01/2008 18:42

You are right, expat, but people have to do it in their own good time......

Elizabetth · 03/01/2008 18:44

SG, just from reading what you've said, it sounds to me like this guy is looking for a replacement mummy, somebody who will take care of him emotionally physically and materially and ask for nothing back (whilst having to put up with him flirting with other women on the internet). I could be wrong of course, but he's 27, he can't blame his mother for all his rubbishy behaviour.

Niecie · 03/01/2008 18:45

I think she is being called a bitch Elizabeth, because she wants him to come home for his tea and is throwing him out because he won't.

I would call that controlling, or desperate, not sure which.

Yes, the best solution is for him to have a place of his own. However, it may be that he can't afford it, particularly if he is in the SE. What is he supposed to do then?

An unhappy situation all round I'd say. I can't see anybody getting what they want out of this.

tigermoth · 03/01/2008 18:45

Has money got anything to do with all this, apart from the obvious cost of him finding a place by himself.

Is your partner's mother happy with what he pays her for his keep? Is your partner saving for a future away from his parents home (either with you or independently in his own place). Does he spend his money mainly on himself?

Has he ever had sort of student grant? One way of him leaving home, but not move in with you 24/7, would be for him to go to college.

yurt1 · 03/01/2008 18:47

UNless he's willing to stand up to her I'd forget the relationship to be honest. She'll control him and come between you until the day she dies. Time to tell him to make a choice I think.

VictorianSqualor · 03/01/2008 18:48

Can he stay with his sister until he gets his own place rather than expect you to put him up??
I'd be very wary of you becoming his saving grace here, what happens between him and his mum is nothing to do with you.

Original poster
ShakeysGirl · 03/01/2008 18:48

She really doesn't want him to move out. She has said before that the only reason she is still with her h is to keep a family for dp and his sister (who also doesn't live at home) he has flirted with women on the internet and hopefully we have resolved this - this is partly why i wont have him live with me, i need to be 100% sure of his commitment to me first. He was shopping for a new christmas present for her when she text him as she said the one he had gotten her wasn't good enough.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 03/01/2008 18:49

again, where are threads about flerting with other women on the internet?

for me, the dealbreaker would be the mil not allowing you in her house. If he really loves you and respects you, he would have stood up to his mother on that count, the fact he appears not to have done so speaks volumes IMO.

tigermoth · 03/01/2008 18:50

I think I'd find it impossible to trust my partner if I did not knkow what he did with his money and had no obvious bills to pay.

rosalinda · 03/01/2008 18:50

elizabetth I just meant she must be a bit psychotic/ ridiculous to issue ultimatums and render him homeless just cos he wants to embrace adult relationships by asking her if he can stay for tea at his girlfriends!!

lulumama · 03/01/2008 18:50

he is buying her another xmas present because the one he already got her was not good enough not sure who is worse, her for being like that, or him for pandering to her

my advice stands: run for the hills!

people like that in your life, near your DCs is a recipe for disaster

wannaBe · 03/01/2008 18:50

ah x post.

yurt1 · 03/01/2008 18:51

god run. The man is firmly tied to his mother's apron stings. At 27 - its quite frankly pathetic. Leave them to their weirdy relationship no good can come of this at all - until he stands up to her.