Ulrika Jonsson - any views??

[ellasmum]

Hi..

Just wondered what people's views were on Ulrika / her book / her date rape allegations??

I personally am not that interested in her life but wonder why she wants to reveal all!!

Ok, if I had been raped, years ago when I was 19 and I was starting in my career and I wasn't sure I'd be believed, then I might also have not reported it. Like many here, I know about assault/near rape and not reporting it for fear of not being believed/it being contributory negligence. So maybe UJ was the same. If I then subsequently became famous I might well be tempted to spill the beans so that he didn't forever get away with it. If it wasn't JL I suspect UJ would come out and say so. Her lack of denial on the subject speaks volumes IMO. Understandable. Yes, she's f*** up but if she was raped she has a unique comeback that most victims don't have. And I don't blame her particularly for using it. Still think she's a bit of a silly tart for all sorts of other reasons but... Also feel for her re her child's heart problem and being abandoned by the father. Who of us wouldn't if she had come here, anonymously, and asked for our support? Being famous doesn't mean you don't have feelings does it?

Willow2 - yes I was. What an inspirational woman! She's active in setting up centres where women can be treated after rape and counselled etc WITHOUT necessarily going to the police because she realises how hard that is. She was very nearly killed, so there was no question of her attackeer claiming it was consensual. But imagine what would have been said about her in court if he hadn't decided to try to murder her too? Sadly, most woman see their cases fail unless he half kills her (and sometimes not even then - the rough sex defence is used a lot). There seems a strong presumption both in the courtroom and in society that a woman who says she has been raped is probably lying. If a person staggered into a room, covered in bruises and bits of gravel, with torn clothes, and said they just been pushed to the ground and mugged, I don't think the majority of the people watching would automatically assume, 'Oh, I bet they just threw themselves on the ground/fell over and want someone to blame" - but that's sort of how it seems to be with rape. I do support the idea that men should have to have some postive evidence for consent. At present, if a man says he believed the woman was consenting, even if she was screaming 'No, no, please help me' or even unconscious, the jury is pretty much directed to find him not guilty. In law his 'belief' doesn't have to be 'reasonable' and that seems nuts to me.

Aaaargh... Mumsnet is exerting its hideously addictive nature again....

aloha I am SO pleased you are back.

She's one of my all time top birds - I did a big project with her a while back that looked at why so many rape convictions fail. We got on really well and ended up seeing quite a bit of each other. Then both our lives got really busy, then along came the sprog etc etc. Haven't seen her in ages but would love to. Have you been working with her?

Willow2, I interviewed her and worked with her on an awards thing and thought she was just amazing. No bitterness, just a huge desire to help other people and get on with having a good life. I haven't seen her for a while but I know she got married recently, had a fabulous wedding in Italy and was opening a second shop. She wanted to have children too, I think, so you never know, she might be posting on mumsnet soon...

Actually I might email her now you've reminded me of her.

Gee, thanks. Think I've learned my lesson on the controversial, personal stuff though. It's too easy to both give and take offence.

Not really been following this thread, but must as it looks interesting. But had to post to say:
So lovely to see you pop in Aloha, we have greatly missed you.

I know you don't want to become too mumsnetted again, but do come back from time to time, won't you? Hope the rest of your life has appreciated the extra time it gets!

aloha/willow2, I think I know who you're talking about, has she written a book?

yes

I want to agree with Crunchie - in a small way, I can start to understand how it feels to be in that situation - when I was at university, I went round to a mate's house, just for a drink, and during the course of the evening after a few drinks he came over and kissed me, which took me aback, and then he started taking things further. It took me a while to get myself together enough to say I didn't want that, and he gave me the whole 'but you were asking for it' and even 'I've had a really bad day at work' - I managed to grab my things and leave - I ran home and cried for about a week.

I know this isn't the same as being raped, and I wouldn't even begin to compare it, but it did make me think what I would have done had it come to that. I certainly wouldn't have reported it to the police - I felt so stupid and guilty about it that I blamed myself. But now, 6 years later, I still think about it in a shuddering sort of way, and I wonder if Ulrika is trying to put the past behind her by writing about it. I can certainly understand where she's coming from if that is the case.

These stories really make me shudder.
With all the talk of "at least it's not as bad as being pounced on in the dark by a stranger" (Yes, I actually read that in a paper at the weekend) one of the girls at work who is very young but very wise said, "it's at least as bad because it is rape by someone you trusted"

There are lots of things that make me sad about this story. Firstly that about 29 women have made allegations about him, nearly all went to the press first and were told that they would get great money for their story, especially if their accounts secured a conviction. Most of these women also say he used the same phrase to them "You know you want it" or something like that, a phrase that was circulated in the newspapers - how coincidental! Secondly that John Leslie has now lost his job when he has not even been tried. Another example of how the media have acted as judge and jury and won. How can he possibly get a fair trial now?

I think the media have far too much power in these things, what runs this country, law or the media?

willow2, I loved that book even though it was harrowing it was a real life-enhancing experience reading it.
I didn't know JL had lost his job - I thought they'd given him an ultimatum: answer the allegations or you go. difficult to see how they could continue to use him in such a high-profile job when this is hanging in the air.

aloha/willow 2
I realised at 2 am this morning that I know the woman you are speaking about - in fact at one point last year I think I was single-handedly putting her Canary Wharf shop into profit. Never connected her with the book though, although I have read it.
She is pregnant. I haven't seen her for ages - no point buying new clothes when you still have huge amounts of pregnacy fat to lose - but I remember she was due around about November, and she looked SO good with a bump. If she wasn't so nice I would have found it easy to hate her

is it a big secret who she is??

no, I've seen her on Esther. Just don't know her surname

Her name is Merlyn Nuttall, and she wrote a book, the name of which escapes me, about her experience. She's amazing.

And beautiful, and THE most stylish woman I have met - she managed to find clothes that made even me look good!

Does anyone know whats happening with this? It's all gone v quiet hasn't it?

thank xxxx

hehe

hehehehehe!!!!!!!