Are taking drugs and being a good parent mutually exclusive then?

[wanderlust]

I don't want to get told off lots or start a fight, its just that I (along with most of my friends - parents or not) will take drugs every now and then, but I am aware that the people I know are not necessarily representative of what's really normal or acceptable - so what does everyone really think?

I agree Kewcumber in that would never put myself in the position of being incapable while in sole charge of the children. That would be irresponsible, in terms of booze and drug use.

i gave up drugs (weed) when i found out i was pg with my dd at 17, 3 years on and have had the odd moment when i thought, if i were ever not in charge i might be tempted, but an oppurtunity has never arose.

i did however go out and get completely rat arse drunk at the meet up in london on saturday and i must say the way i dealt with that and the morning after are hugely worse than any way i ever dealt with a spliff or two.

i would however never keep it in the house with my children and never smoke/drink in excess when in charge of my children, just not worth it!

I did spot that Godzilla

I am one of those been there done that crowd.

Drugs seriously can have long term repercussions

as an aside - I lawys had a strnge reason for never aking drugs (even as an experimenting student) - was scared of not feeling like me and preferring the feeling of being "not me" to my good old run of the mill self

uqd said that recreational drug use is a misleading term and actually, ime, its not. for many many people, thats exactly what their drug use is.

i used to do a fair bit. i now dont do any. thats partly coz my dp is vehemently anti drugs and ciggies and i love him and our relationship and would lose both if i did.

but i dont think the odd party is going to make bad parents.

my parents recreationally used drugs.... sometimes it crossed the line (har har, so to speak) and actually im too close to know whether thats a good thing or not, i certainly grew up viewing weed smoking as 'normal' when in fact, its absolutely no good for ME at all... (and i partook quite heavily for at least a decade before finally accepting that fact)... but you know, i do think that people have different metabolisms and stuff and react differently. its not 'bad' per se for everyone. honestly its not.

and hell, if i were an MS sufferer and it were the only form of relief i could get, damn straight id have it. i knew a woman dying of cancer (not lung) who got relief from weed and who the hell can begrudge her that?

like i say, i dont do any drugs now, and i prefer it that way. i think getting stoned can be a good way to numb the disappointment of a life that aint going where you want it to go - but can also be the thing that makes sure it wont go there iyswim. takes over for a lot of people. not all, but a lot. but if your life is ticking over quite nicely, ta v much, then why the hell not? so long as you arent hurting anyone...

as for whether you answer truthfully to your dc questioning about your own past; depends on age and maturity. am quite prepared to be a stinking hypocrite for the greater good, if need be. thanks. i dont for one minute think that telling a 15yo son that i was off my face regularly as a teen, and having a damn good time at it, is remotely wise. but if they know, fromother sources, that i did, well, i can bore their socks off with tons of detail about how i wished i was dead most of the time back then, and drugs, like books funnily enough, provided respite from that feeling - and frankly if they hadnt been there, maybe i wouldnt be here now.

blanket scorn is understandable in ignorance of the complex issues we all live with, but honestly, i think that some realistic common sense is better. is far too easy to say 'drugs are bad, and illegal, and everyone who touches them is evil' and not so easy to actually help someone who may need it.

I did tons of drugs in my past.

Am very anti now.

No good comes from it IMO.

staceym11 - you are 20??? bloody hell, i didnt think you seemed so young at all. and i mean that in a complimentary way (im talking about the way you hold yourself, not the (non existant) lines on your face) i am deeply impressed you had the poise and confidence to be at that meetup on saturday at 20yo, you impressive bird, you.

no dont talk to me about my age, horrible teenage parent!

nah the wine had something to do with the nerves to go to the meet!

brilliant post brandybutter

Nappiesgalore!

ha realised before you had to tell me!

i hope or iv made a prat of myself again

ok will stop going off subject now!

am I the only person that would/will happily and honestly tell my children about my past (and very occasional current) drug use? there are aspects of it that were bad and I would tell them that and explain to them exactly why that was, what I learnt from it, why i would not repeat those particular mistakes. the aspects of it that were harmless i would also share. Aspects that I feel might be different for them - because of their age, circumstances, character, I would talk to them about. I can talk to them about drugs with at least a bit of authority and when they ask I fully intend to do so. I certianly won't be lying.

in fact reading that back I would talk to them about drugs in exactly the same way I would talk to them about anything else. I'd be honest and I'd attempt to impart my wisdom (fwiw) and opinions. why on earth would I do anything else?

hatwoman you sound like you have a good approach...
I think you can be a good parent and take drugs, but personally I can't be bothered with it all nowadays. I have definitely grown out of 'recreational' drug-taking!

hatwoman, i would also be frank to my kids about my very occasional drug use. and i think the way you plan to go about it would be very useful for your kids to have such an honest and open mother.

I haven't read the whole thread but I would happily do the odd recreational now and again if the opportunity arose (which it doesn't tend to these days ).

I used to do MDMA type stuff and partying and smoked weed every day before having my kids. I NEVER drank though funnily enought because that made me feel ill and crap the next day!!

Nowadeays my partying has almost ground to halt partly because of breastfeeding 4 kids with barely a break for the last nine years and also the relentless nature of parenting.

There's no doubt in my mind that it's great for the soul to party really good and hard from time to time. I used to be so fit and slim from all night dancing and full of the joys of life. Some of my happiest and most fulfilling times have been in my old tech house scene and I forged some lasting soul mates.

BUT I really don't think I could manage it more than, say, once a year at best these days. I don't want to 'lose it' because I feel the pull of responsibility. I never have a babysitter or family willing to step in for more than the odd couple of hours which isn't enough because you need recovery time too, but then I do have four. All quite young.

I remember dancing half the night with ds3 in a sling whilst at a big country house rave five years ago. Most people stayed up all night (with chemical help) but I had to go back to the tent with my baby, straight and clean as a whistle, and listen to the others partying. I think something inside me decided this was NOT the way to party so I gave up for a while.

This is turning into a marathon post but you've hit a nerve....

Now my youngest is nearly three I have recently dusted off the old vinyl, dug the flouro lights out of the attic and am wondering about a little house party since I've had the offer of a babysitter to take them away for a bit. I have to say I am very tempted. Very tempted.

For everyone blowing off about drugs incapacitating you and what if you had to rush to A&E ... It's not like Trainspotting where you're slumped in a corner twitching and tripping FGS! Booze is way more incapacitating and most parents regard that as an essential recreational tool, so the double standard is alive and kicking.

Spidermama - you should read the thread no-one is saying that binge drinking is any better but that wasn't the question. If the question was "is getting drunk and being a good parent mutually exclusive" my answer would be the same - Yes, if the DC's are in your care. And I suspect you agree or you wouldn't have given up drugs whilst your children are dependent on you.

And I'm really surprised that you say "most" parents view alcohol as essential in my experience "some" parents view alcohol as essential, "some" parents occasionally drink alcohol and "some" don;t drink at all.

I don't know enough about drugs to know what the equivalent is but in my view more than a couple of glasses of wine (maybe 3 at most) affects your judgement enough that you shouldn't regularly be doing that with children in your care. Whatever the equivalent for drugs is would make me think the same.

I would not condone drugs in my home and I don't think parents should take drugs. Full stop. IMO, it is illegal and it is that for a good reason.

I do drink alcohol however. It is legal for me to drink alcohol. I enjoy a drink, and yes DH and I drink, with/without friends or family, in front of our DD and we drink enough that we would not be able to drive when she is with us. However we do not get drunk, we are always in control and could always attend to our DD's needs. Not being able to drive is not an issue - telephones, taxis, ambulances, etc are all available so no different that if we were non-drivers in the first place.

Despite not taking drugs myself (ever) and not agreeing with illegal drug taking and/or abuse I will, of course, speak to my DD about drugs as and when the occasions arise, in exactly the same way I will take about everything else. I do have some personal experience of drugs and its affects (although only negative TBH) but I have read around and still try to keep up to date with it all - primarily for work reasons. So I will be honest and open, I will inform and give fatcs/info that is up to date at that time. I will not, however, condone drug taking nor make out that it is okay to do - in the same way that I will discourgae smoking too.

Yeah, but surely you accept that having a drink does not equal getting drunk?

And, in the same way, taking drugs does not have to mean getting completely wrecked.

The Trainspotting view of drugs is a bit misleading IMO - yes, it is like that for some people, and that is a tragedy for those involved. But the numbers of recreational drug users is far, far higher than people imagine, and most of them function as parents, employees, etc.

I agree that having a drink does not mean getting drunk, and that having drugs may not always mean getting wrecked, although you do have slightly less control in that as you cannot always be guaranteed about exactly what you are taking on the whole.

But for me drugs are a total no no.

And that is not from the views given in films like Trainspotting. I have personal reasons for my anti drugs stance.

I do accept that having a drink does not equal getting drunk, and I do accept that taking drugs does not equal being wrecked however in my mind the standard for a parent should not be "drunk" or "wrecked" but below that. As I said my line on alcohol is when your judgement is impaired which (legally) is the level at which you aren't considered fit to drive and thats ususally (depending on the person) about 2 glasses of wine. As I said whatever the drugs equivalent of that would be my view. If you're not safe to drive you're not safe to be in charge of children IMHO.

The separate issue Hulababy raises is an interesting one. Drugs are illegal and therefore for that reason alone you should not be exposing your children to them or condoning them.

"If you're not safe to drive you're not safe to be in charge of children IMHO."

I actually do disagree with this. To me there is a big gap between being incapable of driving (legally, and this alters with every country let's remember) and being capable of meeting a child's needs/care. This is IME anyway.

I suppose I use that rule of thumb because it works pretty well for me as an indivual. If I've had more than 2/3 glasses my judgement is impaired. I know it is... I might not think so at the time but it is!

Well I don't think anyone in their right mind would 'expose their child' to drugs. I have sex (once in a while) but that doesn't mean my child is 'exposed' to sex!

But lots of things are illegal, and lots of people do them. Speeding being the one that always comes to mind, as it endangers not only yourself but other road users (at least drug taking tends to only expose the individual to risk).

I wouldn't bother anymore as I can't cope with a hangover with children let alone anything else

I now GET UP at the same time I used to GET IN