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Original poster

Are taking drugs and being a good parent mutually exclusive then?

461 replies

wanderlust · 05/12/2007 21:00

I don't want to get told off lots or start a fight, its just that I (along with most of my friends - parents or not) will take drugs every now and then, but I am aware that the people I know are not necessarily representative of what's really normal or acceptable - so what does everyone really think?

OP posts:
UnquietDad · 05/12/2007 21:56

Indeed - plenty of naturally-growing stuff which most people wouldn't touch with a bargepole. Hemlock, anyone? Yew berries?

jorange5 · 05/12/2007 21:56

what keeps me off recreational drugs is the thought of getting a call saying DD needs me for some reason and me not being able to deal with her responsibly due to being under the influence.

pooka · 05/12/2007 21:56

But, UQD, does the fact that you have "legal recourse" make you a good parent? Or that fact that there is no "legal recourse" if someone smokes a joint, does that make them a bad parent? (since the thread title and OP is all about whether you can be a good parent and still take drugs)

My personal opinion is that yes, you can be a good parent and have an occasional joint, just as you can be a good parent and occasionally have a glass (or three, or more) of wine. Or a few pints of beer.

And while I personally wouldn't touch chemical drugs like cocaine or ecstasy or worse now I am a parent, I wouldn't equate a line of cocaine with equalling a bad parent. It's just part of the whole story and not the one thing that would define you as a mother or a father.

And there are degrees, like I would not get rat-arsed drunk while responsible for my children. Equally I would not expect anyone to get stoned on cannabis or any other drug while responsible for their children.

theUrbanDryad · 05/12/2007 21:58

Hemlock provides a good high, i'm told. as does nutmeg, treated properly.

UnquietDad · 05/12/2007 22:01

The legality is an imperfect but useful boundary line. When it comes to the legal substances (alcohol, tobacco , coffee) people should be expected to self-regulate. The fact that some people cannot does not make (e.g.) alcohol intrinsically bad.

And anyway...
Speed, coke, E, acid... What's the point? If you are over 20 you surely can't be doing it to look "cool". It ranks with 35-year-old men wearing baseball caps back-to-front and calling each other "bro", or people trying desperately to pretend they like 50 Cent when thay actually know he is a talentless git.

stripeymama · 05/12/2007 22:03

Nutmeg is quite dangerous - there is a very fine line between a hallucinogenic dose and a fatal dose IIRC.

essbeeavenue · 05/12/2007 22:05

Message withdrawn

UnquietDad · 05/12/2007 22:05

at thought of the nutmeg dealers on street corners and in pub toilets. "It's high-grade 'meg, got it from Waitrose. And if you ever want a bit of cumin, just ask..."

theUrbanDryad · 05/12/2007 22:07

UQD

CloudAtlas · 05/12/2007 22:08

People who compare taking recreational drugs occasionally with addiction are naive. I can not see the difference between taking recreatonal drugs and drinking alcohol, (apart from, obviously the legality). I don't take drugs because they don't suit me, believe me I invested much money and mispent a lot of youth finding that out, however I do drink. I don't get shitfaced, but I love a glass or two of wine, and definitely would have a lot more than that on a night out.
It's all fine as long as you keep them away from the children.

pooka · 05/12/2007 22:10

See, I agree with what you're saying about E, cocaine, LSD in that I have no desire to take any of them ever again (though never tried coke - was student and priced out of the market).

That's because I cannot bear the idea of the comedown afterwards and the feeling crappy afterwards and because of the hallucenogenic effect. Not in the right frame of mind for any of that and I know that I'd regret it and feel crappy. Been there, done that.

In the same way, would hate the feeling of a hangover from drinking because am older, my body is less resilient and I just can't bear the day after the night before.

In terms of how drugs (and I include alcohol in the heading of drugs), I personally found cannabis used very very moderately to have practically nil effect the next day, apart if anything, from having had a damn good sleep.

And I still think that you can be a good parent and have an occasional joint.

SantasUnderGodzillasBumcheek · 05/12/2007 22:10

Does anyone else get the idea that this is an argument nobody will ever/ can ever win?

Anybody at all likely to be convinced by the opposing team?

No?

Surrender?

Truce?

stripeymama · 05/12/2007 22:11

I don't do it to 'look cool'. I look very far from cool and I know it.

I do it because I enjoy it. It may well not be the best thing for me as an individual, but I truly believe that it has no impact on my child.

And if my child doesn't know I do it, then I am not being a bad role model. At least I don't drop litter, or speed in my car, or use racist language, or do many of the myriad of other things that I would hate to see my child emulate. Obviously I'd rather she did not grow up to become an addict (to anything) and will do what I can to steer her away from that.

stripeymama · 05/12/2007 22:12

Ok yes truce - its past my bedtime really

pooka · 05/12/2007 22:12

Or even better... organic nutmeg. Fresh off the boat. {grin]
People buying special nutmeg graters engraved with the shape of a nutmeg plant. Setting up market stalls with nutmeg related paraphernalia.....

stripeymama · 05/12/2007 22:15

Nah you want to try my homegrown super meg.

CloudAtlas · 05/12/2007 22:17

I agree, it's a no-winner, but it does shock me how completely naive some people can be a bout this, yet still have a very strong opinion!
Truce (as long as I had the last word!)

HonoriaGlossop · 05/12/2007 22:18

I agree that moderation is no safeguard when it comes to drugs and I think for that reason it is more irresponsible to do them when you're a parent. I have worked with people who have psychosis which the professionals concerned AND the people involved feel is from the moderate use of 'natural' drugs like weed, and not over a long period necessarily, either.

i agree too that it's irresponsible to take the chemical drugs from goodness knows where with goodness knows what in. At least legal products are made in regulated places with regulated ingredients which must by law be shown to us.

I don't think making sure that you're away from your child when you do them, negates these sort of risks.

pooka · 05/12/2007 22:18

Can just imagine the heat trail coming out of your loft from all the lamps.
Rice pudding anyone? Honestly officer, it's for personal use. I'm making a giant custard tart.

GibbonInARibbon · 05/12/2007 22:18

Drink fucks you liver, drugs your mind.

Once you have children I think you seriously need yo get your shit together and leave drugs behind.

If you drink to excess, that too.

Kewcumber · 05/12/2007 22:18

oh god I'm beginning to feel like my grandmother...

I used to binge drink as a student, grew out of that and thought most people did (naive obviously).

Have never taken an illegal drug of any sort at any time. Don't think I need to either to enjoy myself or to amuse other people.

SO I'm a crap person to comment but for what its worth, I think its crap parenting to be under the influence of anything (by that my rule of thumb would be - can you legally and practically drive) if you are in sole charge of a child or with other adults who are also indulging. Your children deserve better.

theUrbanDryad · 05/12/2007 22:20

lolol @ all you MegHeads

Kewcumber · 05/12/2007 22:21

My expartner "recreationally" used cannabis and binge drank for good measure. I am so glad looking back on it that he didn't become the father of my children, it was like living with an immature teenager.

SantasUnderGodzillasBumcheek · 05/12/2007 22:22

GibbonInaRibbon you almost did poetry....just forgot the last line

'And if you're unlucky it makes you spew'

Sorry, i am in a silly mood now.

Kewcumber · 05/12/2007 22:23

stripeymama - your child will get to an age where she will know you use drugs. My expartner thought I didn't know, what a laugh as it was so obvious, when you're on drugs even at a relatively low level (ditto alcohol) you have very poor judgement and really don;t realise how obvious it is to others.

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