Are taking drugs and being a good parent mutually exclusive then?

[wanderlust]

I don't want to get told off lots or start a fight, its just that I (along with most of my friends - parents or not) will take drugs every now and then, but I am aware that the people I know are not necessarily representative of what's really normal or acceptable - so what does everyone really think?

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sorry, kewcumber, the driving analogy is pants. what about people who don't drive? should they not be allowed to have sole charge of children? i don't drive if i have drunk even one glass of wine.

however, i agree with the basic premise that a parent should be "emergency competent" when caring for children.

i tend to agree with uqd that moderation is no safeguard wrt illegal drugs.

also, the illegality of say, cocaine, does matter. if you get busted, the effects on the family could be disastrous.

Mellowma - I quite agree, I can't look after my children with a hangover, so I don't bother

lol at my analogy being pants [huffy emoticon] Holdas for those who don;t drink as well though becasue you would still be lacking teh judgement to drink whether you were actually able to or not! (Can you be drunk in charge of a bike).

In my defence I did explain that it worked for me as a rule of thumb.

Actually I think its more than about "emergencies" I think its about having sound judgement eg what would you let the kids do after a few drinks that you wouldn't if you were stone cold sober, what is your assessemnt of what constitutes and emergency after a few drinks as opposed to sober etc

(don't bother drinking that it, not don't bother looking after them)

Am surprised anyone could think that cannabis causes schizophrenia - thought it was pretty well known that the line between it inducing psychosis (which is by no means confined to schizophrenia) and it use in trying to self-medicate for early (even prodromal) symptoms is blurred. You're either born with a predisposition to psychotic illnesses or you're not - and cannabis is but one potential trigger. Long haul flights, going to university, having a baby are all other well established triggers for psychotic episodes. I think it's quite responsible for any parent to have at least had some history of recreational drug use even if those days are long gone, how on earth can you explain properly to your children the pros and cons of various substances if you have no experiential knowledge of them? You'll just be regurgitating the same hysterical spiel they can find anywhere.

If you've never met a teenager or somehow avoided being a normal one yourself you might not be aware that describing something as dangerous and illegal is the most potent inducement imaginable.

I have been known to partake of drugs, both legal and illegal.

I haven't actually had a drink for about 2 months or so, which is quite an acheivement

The problem for me with using drugs is the illegality, the unregulated nature, and just the general feeling of being a bit of an immature prat.

I did speed when I was a dancer, and it served a purpose, but it wasn't really worth the fall-out. I used to go out with a weed-dealer (the one who looked like Gethin Jones but wasn't) and with hindsight, he was a complete arse, and I used to spend interminably boring evenings with him and his friends. When I was sober, it was like being surrounded by beavis and butthead clones.

The legal issue is significant if you wantto have a leg to stand on if your kids ever go off the rails in any illegal way.

And even legal salvia is completely rubbish. Shamanism my arse.

None of that seems compatible with being a sensible parent, really.

Good posts stripey.

Those of you whose drug of choice is alcohol are lucky because it is legal but there are many who would argue that it's legality is unjustified given the havoc it wreaks in our society and in our health service by comparison with some other illegal drugs.

Kewcumber I stand by my claim that most parents like a drink. I will carry out a quick straw poll in the playground today but it is certainly deemed totally acceptable. I'm staggered by the amount of alcohol which people deem to be normal and healthy.

Hmmm, the illegality does not worry me so much.

I am of the opinion that its better to try to live your life in a moral way than to try and stick to every single law. I have been arrested before and I am actually proud of it. DD will, when she is older, hear all about it, and I hope be motivated to follow he moral values that I am bringing her up with, even if they do not always comply strictly with the law.

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It depends on what and how often.

I haven't time to read this whole thread, but do feel strongly on this issue, so here goes.

Taking ANYTHING which impairs your ability to act responsibly while caring for children is not responsible, is not good parenting.
That includes "getting shitfaced (horrid phrase)" on alcohol, cannabis or harder drugs.
I enjoy a drink, but can honestly say that I have never been drunk in the 8 years since ds was born. I am a parent, it is my responsibility to be able to deal with any circumstances which may arise to harm/upset my son.

Furthermore, cannabis, coke etc are ILLEGAL. Now whatever your views on whether cannabis causes serious damage or not, whether you class yourself as an occasional 'recreational' user, or an addict is immaterial. You should NOT indulge in illegal activities. The law applies to all of us. Just cos you may not agree with it does not give you licence to ignore it. And responsible parenting includes being generally law abiding (otherwise how do you teach your children to have respect/regard for any rules, including yours?).

I knew a family where the parents were habitual users of cannabis, 5 to 7 days a week, every week. By the end of each evening, they were incapable of looking after themselves, never mind their 4 children (2 of whom were toddlers, who suffered epilepsy).

So to baldly answer the opening question

Yes, taking drugs and being a good parent ARE mutually exclusive.

It's not just YOUR life you are fucking up.

The drugs don't work.

They just make you worse.

clumsymum: medal?

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Sorry vacua, don't understand?

I am wondering if you would like a medal for being so good?

@ vacua

No, I'm not blowing my own trumpet. It isn't a problem to me not to get drunk.

Don't be so petty.

Not buying into a criminal and wholly immoral trade is normal isn't it, once you become a parent?

Not sure a medal is necessary.

Ok then I am a shit mum.

But I know that thats not true. I am the mum my child has. I do my best.

If I didn't maintain some kind of life of my own, I'd end up resenting her. That may well not be true for all parents, but for me it is. Selfish, maybe, but surely better than becoming a non-drinking/drug using bloody paragon who resents it deeply?

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I havent =read the thread past 20 posts becvauise I got bored, but I did snigger at the lione about vegetarian food (home cooked, natch) and wooden toys.

My children eat meat, and they have a house full of flashing plastic shite, doth thsat maketh me a bad parent???