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Original poster

Are taking drugs and being a good parent mutually exclusive then?

461 replies

wanderlust · 05/12/2007 21:00

I don't want to get told off lots or start a fight, its just that I (along with most of my friends - parents or not) will take drugs every now and then, but I am aware that the people I know are not necessarily representative of what's really normal or acceptable - so what does everyone really think?

OP posts:
madamez · 08/12/2007 21:12

THing is, for every horror story about people who either upped and died after one disco biscuit or suffered later consequences of youthful indulgence, there are plenty more stories of people who either took shitloads of substances in their younger days, then stopped due to getting bored, taking up a demanding job or indeed parenthood, and remain well, or of people who indulge on occasions and have done for years without losing marbles, homes or custody of children.
There does seem to be a fairly deep-level human desire to alter one's mood by means of consuming something (alcohol and caffeine certainly fall into the category of mood-altering substances and I think that there are people who have problems with caffiene addiction which remain semi-hidden because caffeine is so accessible). ISTR hearing some stuff about the desire for occaisonal mind-changing by means of substances is not entirely confined to human beings, either: some animals consume certain plants for what seems to be the purpose of intoxication rather than for food.

ANd the use of certain substances for 'frivolous' purposes has not always been illegal: the Mothers' Little Helpers of the 50s and 60s were not just tranquilizers to keep the housewives quiet and happy in their slavehood, but benzedrine etc was often prescribed to women to stop them eating too much and give them more energy (to do the housework).

I am not disputing that people can get themselves into trouble and harm their families by over-indulgence in a variety of things, be it substances consumed or other habits pursued selfishly and to excess, but there is no good logical argument against occasional recreational use of mood-altering chemicals, whatever the legality of their consumption.

DeathBySnooSnoo · 08/12/2007 22:18

i dont know about anyone else but whether or not a drug is legal in this country means nothing to me as alot of the UK laws and certainly the justice system here are a joke.as somebody has already mentioned,most illegal substances were given that status for political rather than health reasons.

as for coming into contact with 'unsavoury characters' in order to buy drugs-that is stereotyping.i have known plenty of drug dealers who were nice,decent people.and i'm sure there are plenty of unsavoury characters with phds working in hospitals and doctors surgeries.

CoteDAzur · 09/12/2007 10:37

unquietdad - There is 'use' and there is 'abuse' of drugs, and that depends on frequency of intake, just like with painkillers and alcohol. You can have a glass of wine every Saturday night, or have many glasses on a New Year's Eve party once a year and nobody will ask if you are being a bad parent.

Most recreational drugs have no medical use, so your statement that all drug use is 'abuse' for it entails "using a drug for a purpose other than the medical one for which it was originally intended" is false.

UnquietDad · 09/12/2007 13:30

"Most recreational drugs have no medical use" is untrue - see the examples I gave. They may not be used as much now, but they weren't developed originally to be "recreational".

I'm afraid I find the use of that word by the media somewhat adolescent.

CoteDAzur · 09/12/2007 15:57

"Cocaine, for example, was among other things a topical anaesthetic"

"Has been used" is very different than saying it has a 'correct' use as a medicine and any other use is an 'abuse', isn't it?

"MDMA [Ecstacy] has been used in psychotherapy"

Very briefly, before it was outlawed. It was used to get people to open up to eachother and communicate in a state of euphoria. Its current use is for a very similar purpose, so branding one 'use' (because it was in a respectable context) and the other 'abuse' (because it is in a recreational context and you don't like the word) is rather hypocritical.

"I bet those who synthesised it never imagined it would end up being the stimulant of choice of monged-out crowds"

That is a bet you will lose, I am afraid. Meet Alexander Shulgin, the scientist who first synthesized MDMA (Ecstacy) in 1976, and who continues to use it very recreationally, partying with his friends in his house.

Shulgin prefers classical music to go with his MDMA rather than techno. Does that make his recreational MDMA consumption "use" or "abuse"?

VeVacuaMerryChristmas · 09/12/2007 16:04

what do you have against adolescence anyway unquietdad?

zippitippitoes · 09/12/2007 16:10

god i am always tempted to alter my mind..partly to put back where it possibly should be...as to whether good parents don't it really depends on the end result which you find out or not eventually i guess

luckily most of the mistakes you make as far as parenting is concerned are difficult to attribute to particular actions/events they accumulate gradually over time in an insidious fashion all melded together

ladylush · 09/12/2007 21:14

cazboldy - yeah I know but I thought in for a penny.....

cazboldy · 09/12/2007 21:23

Ladylush

I guess it's a case of live and let live - it's something I personally would never do, and I sincerely hope that none of my children will, but hey, we all make different choices in life. A lot of people wouldn't have children as young as I have, and get married at 16, but I did, and I expect people to accept that, so thats how it is I guess!

UnquietDad · 09/12/2007 21:29

I have nothing against adolescence. But, like spots and bad glasses, it's something I am happy to leave in the past.

I'll continue to call it "drug abuse", thanks. "Recreational drug use" is just meejah-speak.

ladylush · 09/12/2007 21:31

I don't do them either (took a couple of pills pre-ds and was always VERY controlled about it eg only take half at at time etc.)It was fun at the time but no desire to go back there. Wow - you had kids at 16! Hats off to you cos imo that is far scarier than taking drugs . I can't imagine having had kids at that age. Must make you grow up very fast. Must be nice when they are teenagers and aren't embarrassed to be seen with you cos you look so young compared to the other mums

cazboldy · 09/12/2007 21:35

haven't quite gotten there yet - my eldest is 11 ( I was 15 when he was born actually!) and I have 4 more lovely dc now too.

sorry to stray off the subject again!

ladylush · 09/12/2007 21:43
Smile
madamez · 09/12/2007 23:11

UQD: just by way of a frivolous poking at your argument, skin problems can persist way beyond adolescence. Are people with zits in there 30s and 40s trying to recapture their youth in your opinion?
I say that with a bit of a bitter personal wince as I spent a lot of years waiting for that mythical space of time that would occur between zits and grey hair. Well it didn't. Which would almost be enough to make me want to do drugs, except that I don't particularly want to 'do drugs' I just don't have a problem with people who do.

Mincepiedermama · 09/12/2007 23:19

Also UQD it's only 'studenty' to you because you remember coming across it in your student days.

I only really came across weed in my student days and not much of that. It was after my student days that my real good drug times occured.

noddyholder · 09/12/2007 23:27

My only concern nowadays would be that something awful would happen to me while under the influence otherwise I have no moral problem with someone doing what they like with their own body.I wouldn't risk my life though knowing someone else relied on me.I too never touched drugs as a student

slim22 · 10/12/2007 01:05

Oh I missed this thread!

Nothing to add, just skimmed and Madamez has said it all probably more eloquently than me anyway!
(Madamez I'm such a fan if you have not noticed yet!!!!)

Now, can someone please pass me that joint?

UQD what is "meejah?"

UnquietDad · 10/12/2007 10:03

meejah = media

CoteDAzur · 10/12/2007 12:21

cazboldy - Had your first child at 15, married at 16? Huge respect. I had my first at 35 and could not have done it in my twenties, let alone teenage years. It must have been very hard for you. Glad to see it has worked out for you.

Having said that, you are right, most people I know would not be happy at all if their daughter showed up pregnant at 14, intending to keep the baby and get married at 16.

Live and let live is a good philosophy.

cazboldy · 10/12/2007 17:39

thanks cotedazur
actually it wasn't that hard. ( i have a lovely dh!) mum and dad were disappointed at first, but love all my dc to bits now!

Incidentally, I would rather my daughter was pg than on drugs!

CoteDAzur · 10/12/2007 19:07

I think there is a big difference between dabbling in drugs as a teenager and trying them out for the first time later in life, when you have already finished your degrees and are working full time. As a student, drugs can take over your life. From late 20s onwards, that is very improbable, since you are more mature & already with responsibilities.

With no disrespect nor judgement towards you, I am not sure if I would prefer my daughter to be married with a child at 16 to her smoking a joint or two. I would hope that she earns a degree or two, excels in her chosen career, stands on her two feet financially, live her life to the fullest, and of course marry a good man and have children. The problem being a married mum in one's teens is that even the very best case scenario (yours - still happy after many years) allows only the last bit to come true.

On the other hand, if she smokes a couple of joints in her teens (as do about 20% of teenagers, apparently), she will most likely grow out of it, and if she doesn't, I can always lock her in the bathroom for a few months and feed her through the keyhole until we come to an understanding.

DeathBySnooSnoo · 11/12/2007 16:33

i would prefer that my daughters never took drugs or got pregnant...atall,ever,but i would be more annoyed if one of them got pregnant in their teens than took drugs.i spent my teen years being a good girl(apart from the odd spliff) then got pregnant shortly after i turned 20.it was in my early 20's that i experimented with drugs

UQD-if you are going to call all drug use drug abuse,does that include smoking cigarettes,having a couple of glasses of wine etc?do you have a problem with 'social drinking' as well?

i would prefer to leave spots in my past but sadly my hormones will not allow it

UnquietDad · 11/12/2007 19:00

People have missed the point about "abuse". Go back and read what I wrote again. A couple of glasses of wine is not abuse because that's what wine is for. And you are not going to die from a glass of wine unless you suffer some allergic reaction.

zippitippitoes · 11/12/2007 19:02

hmm so during the prohibition was drinking alcohol,in a speakeasy abuse? or making a still in saudi

UnquietDad · 11/12/2007 19:06

That was an oddity of the law, though. Wine wasn't invented for any medicinal purpose; it was a pleasurable drink from the start.

These controlled substances are controlled for a good reason. People may argue it's a bad reason. Fair enough. Argue the toss with your MP and try and get the law changed.