Yesterday I discovered my dad is a cross dresser

[Bluebudgie]

Name changed for obvious reasons also not sure if this the best section for this?

Yesterday morning my dad was rushed into hospital, thankfully nothing life threatening and he should be home in a few days.

I went round to his flat just to check everything was turned off, safe and secure etc.
I noticed there was a load of washing finished in the machine so thought I would hang it on the airer to dry, most of what was in there was womens clothes.
So I'm thinking oh he is doing someone a favour, a neighbours machine had broken maybe.
On the airer there were already other clothes and underwear I'm still thinking it's someone else's of course.
Having folded it all and hung up what had come from the machine I went into his bedroom and the penny dropped!
More clothes hanging in his wardrobe and a bra on the bed.
At this point I did have a good look around I know its wrong but I had to be positive in my own mind about what was dawning on me, I am in no doubt that the clothes etc are his.
Thing is I don't know what to do now, I'm thinking maybe I should go back and put the laundry back in the machine and pretend I hadn't noticed or leave it as is and just not mention it.
Maybe he would be happy if it wasn't a secret?
I really don't know what to do for the best.
I wonder if my mum knows? Is this why they divorced? I obviously can't speak to her.
Just not sure how to handle this whilst still dealing with my own thoughts and emotions.

Does he have a girlfriend?

If you're ok with it then speak to him. If you're not ok with it then put it all back and don't mention it. Either is ok IMO.

Could he have a secret girlfriend? Ritter way I would just not say anything, if he doesn't want to involve you in that part of his life that's his business

No girlfriend, he has been single for a while.
There were other items that were enough to convince that the clothes are his.
Its a shock I can't deny that, but it doesn't really bother me.
I would be happy if he shared this with me but what if he is happier with no one knowing, I wouldn't want him to be embarrassed.

I would leave the laundry where it is, not put it back in the washing machine. Then say nothing and leave it up to him.

That must have been quite a shock @Bluebudgie.

I’d put everything back and not mention it. If he wanted you to know he would have told you, not everything needs to be talked about. I don’t think he needs the extra stress while he’s just been rushed to hospital

Id put it back and never mention it. It's his business.

I think I would also put it back!

I think it partly depends on your relationship with your dad. With mine, I would probably say something like "hey dad, when I went round I took your laundry out so it wouldn't mold. What a great top, where did you get it?".

But I also just recently told my dad that men are horrible and I was only dating women from now on and he said "yeah, that sounds like a good plan".

I think it's best left unsaid. It's a sexual fetish - you don't really want your dad discussing that with you? Unless you have a particularly close relationship where you discuss your sex lives, probably better to pretend you haven't seen anything.

Does he know you've been to the flat, and if so, could you have been, done the basic safety checks, maybe picked up the post etc. without seeing any of this? If so, I might be tempted to put the washing back and pretend I never saw anything.

I suppose it depends what kind of relationship you have regarding discussing private stuff, and what kind of a man he is but he's if not said anything and doesn't cross dress publicly, it's likely he would prefer it to stay private. Also if he's been ill, it's extra worry he doesn't need.

I see no reason to ever speak to him about it. It's his private business.

Its absolutely his business. You shouldn't have went snooping about to confirm your suspicions, its literally nothing to do with you at all.

Put the clothes back and don't mention it.

How would you like it if you were rushed into hospital and your dad started snooping around your sex toy drawer just to confirm what you're into.

Creepy as fuck.

@DoubleNegativePanda

I think it partly depends on your relationship with your dad. With mine, I would probably say something like "hey dad, when I went round I took your laundry out so it wouldn't mold. What a great top, where did you get it?".

But I also just recently told my dad that men are horrible and I was only dating women from now on and he said "yeah, that sounds like a good plan".

That's not a bad idea, if I do decide to approach him about it I would consider that thank you

@beastlyslumber

I think it's best left unsaid. It's a sexual fetish - you don't really want your dad discussing that with you? Unless you have a particularly close relationship where you discuss your sex lives, probably better to pretend you haven't seen anything.

I don't think it's necessarily a fetish, as you can imagine I have been doing a lot of research, there are many reasons men do this.

How’s it any different to my kids finding vibrators, corsets, thigh boots? It’s none of your business say and do nothing.

I can see why you are shocked and I can also see why you feel it's difficult to say something but also difficult to say nothing. I just wondered why you feel you can't discuss it with your mum?

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Its absolutely his business. You shouldn't have went snooping about to confirm your suspicions, its literally nothing to do with you at all.

Put the clothes back and don't mention it.

How would you like it if you were rushed into hospital and your dad started snooping around your sex toy drawer just to confirm what you're into.

Creepy as fuck.

100% this!!!

This isn't about you OP. His lifestyle choice is HIS business! The only thing to to is carry on loving him as your dad. This 'discovery' changes nothing.

@HappyGirl86

I can see why you are shocked and I can also see why you feel it's difficult to say something but also difficult to say nothing. I just wondered why you feel you can't discuss it with your mum?

It was a huge shock particularly on top of his hospitalisation. I feel I would be betraying him if I talked to my mum, especially if she doesn't know.

I'm kind of shocked by the assumption by a few that this is sexual thing!
I had an image of him relaxing in front of the telly with a cup of tea on a Sunday evening.
I hate to think he feels embarrassed or that he is lonely rather than feeling he could confide in me, but on the other hand he may want it to be a secret.

I agree, it's his private life, why would you discuss this with his ex? Nope.

I wouldn't stress it. Leave the washing out and let it be. If he brings it up just say it was a bit of a shock but doesn't change how you feel about him.

I'm kind of shocked by the assumption by a few that this is sexual thing!

I’d be shocked if it’s not.

This happened to a friend of mine, in similar circumstances. She chose not to say anything to anyone (apart from me, and I haven't either).

I'm shocked you had a good look around to the extent you found all this stuff. You didn't just see a couple of things and leave it at that, you 'had a good look around' and say you know that was wrong. Yes it was. Really shitty thing to do privacy wise especially as he was away and vulnerable. I hope he is ok now.

Bit odd you're making out posters saying it's likely to be a sexual thing are somehow prudish or judgemental when you were the one going through his stuff as if looking for evidence of something!

Don't mention it to him. It's not your business and you had no right to do what you did.

@TheChampIsHere

I'm kind of shocked by the assumption by a few that this is sexual thing!

I’d be shocked if it’s not.

Perhaps it's an identity thing! This is why people should educate themselves befor speaking!