Not trans, not cis. What am I?

[allaboutthecrisps]

This is a genuine thread. I will try and phrase this well and please only respond on topic. It's hardtm tobhave a respectful conversation about any gender identity topics atm but I feel it's important that we work towards that. So I've been trying to educate myself about gender identity issues. I have read around a little and explored some definitions and descriptors. I have come to the conclusion that I do not have a gender identity. This means I'm not cis as the definition of that relies on my gender identity matching my biological sex. I'm not trans as there's no sense of a mismatch either and whilst I hate my body that's not because of it's sexual characteristics. I could see a category of gender queer but that did not really talk to me either. This came up because I was completing some questionnaires which asked me to report my gender identity. If this is something we're going to be asked to do more often (and I think it is) its important to me to do this in a way which I can actually identify with. There will be people much more informed about these issues than me so can you advise what 'gender identity' someone without a gender identity can report. Ia it perhaps agender or are there other more helpful categories?

I'm not cis as the definition of that relies on my gender identity matching my biological sex.
I'm interested in how you would describe your 'gender identity' and how you feel it doesn't match your biological sex?

Non binary?

I think that makes you Gender Critical ie you don't really ascribe to the idea of 'gender' being a thing at all

Obviously I can't tell you you're gender identity, but what you've described sounds like the dictionary definition of agender Some people who are agender consider themselves part of the trans spectrum (i.e. everything other than cis), it's up to you if that's something you'd be interested in exploring.

I did wonder about non binary but that seems to hinge on an acceptance of the concepts of binary man and woman identies. I am describing myself as non binary but it doesn't sielt well. @hazel I don't have a gender identity so there's no possibility of either a match or a mismatch.

sit well sorry!

Pangender?

I too don't believe I have a gender identity because I believe gender to be a set of constructs that society has decided apply to men or women. I have a sex - female, and a personality. I don't understand why another label would be needed.

Could you be non binary OP? If you don't feel as though you are male or female and there's nothing that seems to fit, perhaps you don't conform to social stereotypes and are non binary (like most people).

Have you been to your GP to discuss this dissociation from your sex? There could be something else going on there such as Autism.

I went through something similar as a teenager as I didn't identify with stereotypical female things and I wore trousers, had short hair and wasn't into what other girls were into at school, I found it boring and I didn't relate to it at all.

I didn't ever think that I wasn't a girl but I did think that there was something wrong with me or I was the 'wrong' type of girl. As I got older, boys would call me a 'dyke' because I wasn't 'feminine' enough or didn't conform to what they perceived as feminine.

I still don't but do see myself as a woman. You say you've read a lot about this so what do you think?

I’m no expert btw just having a google for you :)

Do you actually want advice or are you just telling us you don’t believe in the concept of gender? That’s fine but it would be better to be upfront as people are trying quite hard to help you here and I’m not convinced you actually want an answer?

Options might be

Agender
Non binary
Bi gender
Aliagender
Demi gender
Gender apathetic
Feminine of centre

There are plenty more options.

I would imagine there a quizzes to help you know what gender/s may fit you.

Good luck finding a gender that encompasses you and allows you to live as your true self.

I agree with Hazey btw - if you do too then it’s fine to just own that.

I've gone through a similar process and landed on gender critical I.e. pink and blue shit is a load of marketing bollocks which the world would be a better place without.

@RiaOverTheRainbow

Obviously I can't tell you you're gender identity, but what you've described sounds like the dictionary definition of agender Some people who are agender consider themselves part of the trans spectrum (i.e. everything other than cis), it's up to you if that's something you'd be interested in exploring.

Someone not believing they have a gender comes under the trans umbrella? What would they be transing to or from, exactly?

Thanks guy. Helpful responses. I think I feel like hazel really. Theres no dysphoria at all and nothing has changed for me. I feel entirely comfortable a s biological female but can't connect with the gender identity discourse enough to comfortably describe myself as cis. People will look and me and probably see a woman. I'm straight. I probably do conform to many stereotypes but I don't have a gender identity.

I decided for census purposes that I am agender, as I don't subscribe or adhere to the stereotypes associated with my sex. Although in reality I think gender critical is more accurate, but strangely that wasn't an option.

Sounds pretty agender to me. You don't have to put a label on it if you don't want to. You can just say "I identify as me".

I'm secure in my own gender identity and find it very useful to have a label for it. But just because I DO find my label really helpful and reassuring, doesn't mean you have to label your feeling, unless you feel that you would be more secure with one.

I hope you're able to find a way forward which fits you :)

HI Charlotta. Genuinely want advice. It's hard to know how to describe myself in a way which feels true to me and respectful to others who see the world in much more gendered terms. We are asked to tick different boxes than we were a decade ago and I want to find a way to do so that meets both those aims.

@allaboutthecrisps

Thanks guy. Helpful responses. I think I feel like hazel really. Theres no dysphoria at all and nothing has changed for me. I feel entirely comfortable a s biological female but can't connect with the gender identity discourse enough to comfortably describe myself as cis. People will look and me and probably see a woman. I'm straight. I probably do conform to many stereotypes but I don't have a gender identity.

Gender is subjective and not universal at all. It's a bunch of stereotypes and one is labelled 'blue' and one is labelled 'pink'. You fit in better into society if you conform to the colour attached to your sex. I didn't and was called names.

I'm straight as well OP. I just accepted me as a human being and not a bunch of stereotypes that I have no interest in. Perhaps you need to explore who you are as a person and ignore the word salad associated with the debate.

Isn't this fairly common though? I'm a woman. I give zero thought whatsoever to my gender. As PP said, I have a sex and a personality.

I too wouldn't describe myself as cis. I am just a woman, biologically female and into what I'm into and looking what I look like ...to be honest most of the people I know are like this, and don't fit into neat made up boxes of 'boy mode' or 'girl mode' (boak) and I encourage my children to be like this too. If society thinks that certain things are only part of the male world or part of the female world...then society needs to change.

@NiceGerbil

Options might be

Agender
Non binary
Bi gender
Aliagender
Demi gender
Gender apathetic
Feminine of centre

There are plenty more options.

I would imagine there a quizzes to help you know what gender/s may fit you.

Good luck finding a gender that encompasses you and allows you to live as your true self.

How would adopting any of those labels allow you to live as your "true self"? . What on earth would it change?

I'm afraid that if a questionnaire asked me my gender identity, I'd write "None of your damn business". Unfortunately, there may not be a write-in option. Could you pick Other if such a question ever comes up?

If you describe yourself as agender or pangender...do you also accept that you are a woman and female (or a man and male)?