Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

Tammybear's quite upset

76 replies

tammybear · 01/11/2004 16:37

Im half upset and disappointed and feel like i could cry, the other half is so angry that Ive been walking around with my fists clenched and felt like hitting the next person that p*ed me off.

to the point: dp said to me today he's having his doubts about us living together next year. he doesnt think we can really afford it, plus he would rather us living "comfortably" and not "struggling" like i am now (i added that like i am now bit!) Im so annoyed. Only saturday he was saying his parents are trying to change his mind but hes not having it and is definetly going to move in. but i knew they'd get to him, and tbh i have been thinking we'll probably be a bit tight with money, but at least we'd be together (cheesy i know!)

We were originally going to live together when he's done his third year which he was going to do here, so looks like we're going back to that plan (but havent really spoken to dp as ive been too angry/upset to talk to him so maybe i can change his mind...) but who says his parents wont change his mind then as well. oh poo!

OP posts:
PuffTheMagicDragon · 01/11/2004 23:16

Is that what he said?

Skate · 01/11/2004 23:18

Gotta go to bed now but just want to send you some big hugs {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}

xx

Original poster
tammybear · 01/11/2004 23:18

well shortened version, i know its probably best but just feel like s**t now

OP posts:
PuffTheMagicDragon · 01/11/2004 23:20

But you will keep the relationship going and move in together when he's finished the degree?

Original poster
tammybear · 01/11/2004 23:24

dunno, dunno if he'll ever move

OP posts:
PuffTheMagicDragon · 01/11/2004 23:26

. It's a big disappointment after feeling so happy about everything.

Original poster
tammybear · 01/11/2004 23:27

guna try and sleep. suppose to be visiting my old primary school to put dd on the waiting list tomorrow at 9:15am. dont wanna turn up all puffy eyed! nite

OP posts:
PuffTheMagicDragon · 01/11/2004 23:28

night night.

mummyloves · 01/11/2004 23:28

Oh TB, I'm so sorry. If it's any consolation I was supposed to be getting married the very day after I graduated. That meant that my final year was taken up with trying to study for my finals and organise a wedding. Maybe moving in with someone isn't as hectic as organising a wedding but nevertheless I found it too much. perhaps, like I eventually discovered, he just thought, as much as he really wants to, the timing is wrong. I'm sure he must love you and DD very much as he wouldn't have asked you in the first place. Sometimes though our hearts rule our heads, and maybe now he's thought about it, he just feels he needs that space in his last year to get the studying done with a bit of space to make sure he succeeds and so that it's better for both of you long term. I admit I don't know what sort of person he is but I personally know that I couldn't have concentrated or maybe even wanted to if I was living with someone, they'd be an obvious distraction! with no other bolt hole to go to at times when I really needed peace and quiet. I'm sure you've discussed all of this, please don't see anything more sinister in it other than this man wants to be with you very much, he just perhaps let his heart run away with his head and perhaps the actual practicalities of it get sidelined. If you both want to be together I'm sure that it will work out.Chin up sweetie, you both need to talk. Don't feel he's rejecting you, I'm sure he's not.

Original poster
tammybear · 02/11/2004 12:50

think i should hav put the title as tammybear's quite confused. after a lot of talking we decided its best he stays at home. BUT turns out where he thought he could do it doesnt do it now. SO the only places he can do it are near me or in reading. BUT he doesnt know whether to believe me or believe his parents. As his parents are saying we'll both need to be working full time, but from what Ive worked out, we'll be better off than I am now, but there will be an extra person so its best that we are better off than i am now. So now Im trying not to contact dp too much. Best to let him think about whats best for him to do without me influencing him.

OP posts:
JuniperDewdrop · 02/11/2004 12:53

I'm sorry to hear this tammybear it does sound very confusing. If you can possibly managae it do as you say and try to limit discussion. Do anything to keep your mind busy so you're not dwelling. We're all here for you hun xx

Original poster
tammybear · 02/11/2004 13:13

thanks juniper. been quite busy today so far. been to primary school and saw about 3 teachers who were working there that taught me. scary! been to orthodontist as well and finally been discharged! very happy bout that. got college tonight as well.

ive been trying to phone CAB to see if they can be of any help, just so i can get some proper advice to tell dp when i speak to him next. their phone line opens at 1pm but its gone 1 and im still trying to get my call answered!

OP posts:
JuniperDewdrop · 02/11/2004 13:15

Grrrr at those phonelines

You sound more upbeat now, that's good. Have you sat and asked him outright but gently if he'd rather stay at home and that you'll be ok if that's what he really wants? He sounds very confused himself?

Hope you get some good advice at the CAB, eventually!!

Original poster
tammybear · 02/11/2004 13:19

yeah he doesnt know what to do at the moment, which is why im trying to stay out the way. ive been telling myself that its probably better for him to stay there, and i was the one who actually said to him to stay home and do his course there. but now he's confused as it looks like he'll have to move here now. just wish his mum would listen to what ive been saying as i said that i know we'll be fine, but she doesnt quite believe me. but i know everyones having their doubts about it anyway.... how confusing!

OP posts:
JuniperDewdrop · 02/11/2004 13:23

I can imagine, poor you. You're doing the right thing though keeping out of it for now.
Did I read right that he doesn't want to be involved in DDs care? or is that her real dad? sorry if I'm confused

Original poster
tammybear · 02/11/2004 13:26

no, what he had said, but i completely misunderstood it, was that he doesnt want the responsibility of having a family, in other words, he doesnt want us to start a family yet (well duh since hes got his degree and im not ready for another one yet!) but he wants to be able to provide us (me and dd) with everything we need. but he doesnt seem to understand that i have everything taken care of anyway, and hopefully will have a part time job so extra costs will be taken care of him, and he should to.

CAB are going to phone me back. A lot for them to look into lol. But she said it might affect his student loan moving in, so thats another problem now. oh dear!

OP posts:
Original poster
tammybear · 02/11/2004 13:27

but the weird thing is his mum doesnt mind him living in a hostel nearby, but doesnt like the idea of him living with me.... hmmm... but its not like he can really support himself in that, could he?

OP posts:
JuniperDewdrop · 02/11/2004 13:30

Oh sorry for me being confused.

Do you get on well with his mum normally? I hope I'm not like that when DSs are older. No, I doubt very much I will be as I was brought up to live and let live and tbh I'd be glad he'd met someone nice and settled.

Hope CAB don't take too long hun

Original poster
tammybear · 02/11/2004 13:33

yeah i usually get very well with her. but i think she's worried that if he lives with me, then we wont get help and both have to get full time jobs to pay the rent etc. Im trying to get a job at the moment, but its so difficult, and i dont expect dp to work more than what hes working now if he's got to do degree full time. I think she's worried that he wont do his work as well as me and dd will be a distraction like mummyloves said. but id make sure he'd do it and even lock him in a room to do it! lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
tammybear · 02/11/2004 13:33

lol get on very well with her i meant

OP posts:
JuniperDewdrop · 02/11/2004 13:34

Have you talked to her alone about it? sorry if you've said already

JoolsToo · 02/11/2004 13:36

hello tb - I think you're being very wise about this - leaving him for a bit to think about it himself - good idea

hope you're feeling better today!

Original poster
tammybear · 02/11/2004 13:37

no, i was there this time last week and was worried that she might have said something to me, but it never came up. i dont know whether i should or not though. i dont think itd help tbh, and i dont want them to feel like im taking him away from them

OP posts:
Original poster
tammybear · 02/11/2004 13:44

hey jools, feeling a bit better.

CAB say that its probably best for us to not be living together as i forgot that his loan could really affect everything. hmmm... but dp says he doesnt want to stay in a hostel. he keeps texting me but havent replied so far

OP posts:
JuniperDewdrop · 02/11/2004 13:54

good on you for keeping cool!

What about a meeting with him and his mum? It's sometimes better to get it all out in the open and confront your fears? saves worrying too much.

Swipe left for the next trending thread