Hi OP, sorry you are feeling like this. It sounds very similar to lots of people’s experiences. I think many of us can relate.
There’s tons of great advice already here. I get the ‘purpose’ feel. I think this hit me hard in a mini midlife crisis a couple of years ago, and I had many of the same thoughts.
I finally made the move to start a community college course. It’s low pressure, once a week. It’s been amazing to get out the house and I’ve made new friends. It’s really helped me. So even if it’s not retraining, an evening course on flower arranging, painting or something else creative may give you the first step to having something for yourself. Anything creative will be good. As PP have said, confidence will come. You just need that first step.
Your GP sounds rubbish. Please get a new one! You’re already there in terms of wanting to get help, so keep going.
When you’re feeling low, call Samaritans. They are great. They will help and can signpost you if you need it. I’m not a shrink, so I can’t advise you on mental health. But if CBT isn’t for you, there’s plenty of other therapies out there.
Many of us feel we don’t have purpose. Try not to let this get you down. Instrusive thoughts are possibly part of your anxiety. Try and remember when they occur to say, ‘that’s not me, it’s my anxiety’. I read this about coping techniques for Pure OCD. I thought it was a good way to approach feeling low or anxious.
Another good tip re your body dysmorphia it to start talking to yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you’re beautiful, your kind, that your body is amazing. Women are so sucked into the idea of having to look a certain way to be happy. Frankly, it’s BS. Your body is amazing. It heals itself, it keeps you going, legs are for walking and jumping.
I stopped caring about the way people look at me and my body when I realised they are probably so in their own head they haven’t even noticed me. No one is looking, I promise. We are all so self obsessed we are too busy thinking of ourselves. So when you’re out, try and remember this. It might help your confidence. When you’re ready, go order a coffee.
Other mood boosting things to try - Put on some music and dance. Go for walks in the woods. Stare at the trees, pick up leaves and pine cones. Skip places. It’s amazing how wonderful you will feel by simply skipping. Sing in the shower.
These are silly, minor things. But anything that makes you laugh or smile is good. I get these won’t happen on bad days. But do them on good days and soon you might find you have more good days than bad.
Open up to your partner. If he’s a good man, having someone to be a container for your feelings will be good for you. No need to get too deep, just having someone who listens is good. You will feel lighter for it.
Lots of hugs. It’s hard to get through these feelings, but you will get there x