Mumsnet Little Italy 3

[francagoestohollywood]

Welcome everyone

rant !!!! let it out !!!!

he is taking the piss! why would you take pride is the drudgery of organising moving country? do you think the argument is really about something else? i have realised that everythime me and dp fight, our fights are seemingly about something, but really about something else.

yes, of course there's also something else. My biggest mistake has always been not investigating soon enough the fact that I might have always been mildly depressed and that the move to this country had made it worse. I lost so much time, without doing nothing, thinking I'm just a spoiled brat, and should just move along with my life. I am an angry person.
But really, I'd like to see him more involved in the things that concern our family. After all he has a job, where he has more time than others to dedicate to his family. schoolrun time, sorry for the rant girls

definetely anger is a symptom of depression. i suppose you can see the move back to italy as a start to a new life, dealing with the depression properly, and see what lies behind, knowing that things will not change immediately though, in fact moving back might make it worse for a while.

it is certainly going to make things a lot more hectic . I'm very apprehensive of having to walk around the busy streets of Milan with two anarchist children in tow.
I already have the number of a good psicoterapeuta .
Do I sound like a terrible person, do you think?

sorry, have just reread my message and didnt' want to be ms doom and gloom.

I was in a similar situation to you, where something major happened in mine and dp's life (similar to your move back to italy). I had been hoping for htis thing to happen for years, strongly believing that it would cure my cure my mild anger, depression. When this thing i had hope for happened, i realized that i still felt mild depressed, and in fact i got more depressed, because i realized that i had been deceiving myself thinking that if this thing happened, i would feel normal.

Not sure any of this makes sense...

it does make sense a lot actually, and yes, I am aware of this. (what thing? sorry, being nosey again)

i cannot say it online, but it wasn't something about life or death, something fairly mundane, but important in our lives.

maybe your move back is stressing you from the point of view that you know that even in Italy it will still be you.

From what i know you haven't been wasting your life in the last few years, you have had your kids, i assume you have looked after them to the best of your ability and provided them with a good enough life, so deffo not wasted.

Have lots of friends who started careers in their mid forties, they say it is great because at that point they really knew what they wanted to do and what not to do.

No, I def haven't wasted my life as far as the children are concerned, I think I overall I like being a mum, the mum bit is a good part of myself. The rest is less satisfying and probably I'd feel more proud of my mothering side if I had more awarness of what I actually am.
I feel much beter after this sfogo thank you. Ds is downstairs making a television with duplo, so I'm feeling rather smug at the moment .
I'm going out tonight with 2 friends

Smug mum alert!

Ciao a tutte.

I've been offline for the last few days thanks to effing Infostrada cutting me off by mistake, then a week later still not fixing it despite loads of promises - il servizio sarà riattivato nei prossimi 24 ore - well, 6 days later I still have no line - so I complain again and get "è in riattivazione signora, non si può accelerare....". I was supposed to be working from home today but had to come to the office so I had access to internet. Yesterday I ended up going to an internet point di extracomunitari for a couple of hours to get some work done. Franca - do not get Infostrada/Libero ADSL when you move back, their customer service is shite. Ecco, rant over.

Franca - I don't know anyone who does English lessons in Milan. I'm afraid I'm totally useless as have moved well away from all expat circles and the only foreigners I know now are a couple of French mums from nido. I can try and find out if you like.

I'm sorry you're feeling depressed, a house move is very stressful and brings out all sorts of anxieties (DP left me to pack and organise the move by myself with an 8mo and was astonished everything was not packed up by a certain time. To be fair he was ristrutturando but I came very close to killing him on that occasion).

One thing I've learnt from all my various moves/changes is not to pin your hopes on everything being better afterwards, there may be a short honeymoon period but in the end it'll be the same shit but different weather (as a friend of mine used to put it). Take one day at a time, perhaps put in some easily realisable goals in the beginning to stimulate you/boost your self esteem as you go along and give you the impetus to do more.

Thanks Brangelina . yes, I agree with all you said. I suppose the next months will be very busy, unpacking, settling down, iscrovere i bambini a scuola, find some english speaking person, etc etc. I really do want to see a psicologo or something .... .
apparently there's fastweb in our building. alice is crap as well, or at lest my inlaws had lots of problems with it.
have to go, busy day

Brangelina you have talked some good sense there think I might save that bit of info as I often feel teh same we are currently house hunting as this place gets to me and I am hoping I will feel more positive about everything in our own place but I guess the shit ( and mess) will be the same anywhere!!!
We have fastweb and get on ok with it we have unlimited access to internet and also they do our phone as well . I think its expensive but my usage of the computer is minimum compared to what dh uses it for and he says its a better deal.
Hope you had a nice night out Franca and don't worry we will be here to talk to you !

I think that getting your own house, a house that you like and feel comfy in is actually very good to boost your mood. Of course it doesn't solve all the problems, and it's very stressful to find a house anyway, but it's nice to have a place you love to come back to .
My parents have fastweb and feel like they are having a good deal, it think they reckon for them it's cheaper than alica/telecom. boh, I need to do my homework on this.

have just had one of these painful days where i could have strangled a friend. she came round with her ds who was aggressive, wrecked the sitting room, kicked me and ds, and all this with my friend smiling and saying 'he is such a boy, insnt'he'. It has happened a few times before and it always leaves me stressed, have now decided to see her without kids. hahhhahahffhalsvdlksvnvvjlannvn why cant' some parents just discipline their children????? why so passive?

thank you for rant.

sometimes it is out of ideology, sometimes it's a bit of lazyness. Do you think you are really going to talk to her about this? Sounds like you had a long hard day, pour yourself a glass of wine, or whatever take your fancy .

Brangelina forgot to say at packing on your own with a 8 months baby!

no, she does not realize, i cannot criticize her style of parenting, it is who she is; ds does not want to see her ds and also her little dd who wasnt around today but is also being brought up without boundaries, ever again. will see her without kids. do you know people like this? unfortunately i seem to know quite a few, and of course the odler the kids get the more out of control they become.

No, of course you can't. No, I don't think I know anyone like that with extremely aggressive dc. I think I wouldn't be happy either if another child was repeatedly aggressive to the dc. Of course children aren't always nice to each other, but if it's on a regular basis, then I think the right thing to do is not to see her with the children for a while. But how are you going to explain it?

have to go and make the insurance list, be back later

franca, hia, you after english lessons for the kids?

Oh God, I'd forgotten all that crap about insurance lists and moving, I remember having to itemise veverything we owned and giving it a purchase value in swiss francs! And I'd never even been to bloody switzerland! Everything was a total guess, just making up values for stuff. And we've got so much stuff since we've been here. groan.

Try not to think too far ahead. It's like all major stuff, just take it one day at a time.

You've been so great to me with this move. If there's anything I can do for you... No idea what , but I mean it.

Still undecided which'd be worse, going early & having baby in foreign country, or staying as long as possible and going through the move with a new baby in tow.

Hi Ernest, yes, we are totally guessing here, however the sheer quantities of stuff (books in particular) is pushing the insurance cost quite high!
I've been to whsmith for the books and there's lots, shall I get spelling exercise books? I'm getting some books for the dc as well, thing is that it seems I never have the time to spend more than 10 minutes in the shops, and I need to take my time...
Yes, I'm looking for an english speaking babysitter, someone who came twice a week and played with them in English. Or an english teacher experienced in "teaching" to small children.
My advise is to have your baby in Switzerland. June can be extremely hot in Milan, I really wouldn't recommend it to an English pg lady ! As I said, I think that the level of care is on average very high in Milanese hospitals, but it'd be less stressing giving birth in Switzerland, where you already know the doctors etc. IMHO, obviously.
Once you move to Milan, I'll be able to advise you on paediatricians, consultori, etc.
No problem, it's fine, I think we are taking to heart your move, it is stressful and daunting. I will email you my mobile number, if you want to meet after Christmas. dh and i will be in Milan trying to get the new flat ready.
You can pay me back with access to English speaking children , don't move to Milano 2 though, otherwise it will take ages to meet up
Did you see that there's a mother and toddler's group organized by English/amewrican women?

Franca Amazon delivers to Italy and if you get a few things the postage does not work out too bad.
Ernest I would agree with Franca Summer in Milan can be very very hot - Why not move down say September time when things are a bit cooler that is if you can. Glad you popped back on here thought we had frightened you off.
Its warm here - strange and its grey and keeps raining on and off tried to go out 3 times this morning and then gave up!

After a good night sleep I feel a lot more on top of the world. Wont't see this particular friend anymore, won't tell her why, she is very hippy in her outlook on bringing up kids, ie let them do whatever they want whenever they want, cannot criticize her way of dong things, but as it is a nighmare in my view to be together, I will try and socialise without kids. sighhhhh

Franca will you come back with the kids to England on holiday?

After a good night sleep I feel a lot more on top of the world. Wont't see this particular friend anymore, won't tell her why, she is very hippy in her outlook on bringing up kids, ie let them do whatever they want whenever they want, cannot criticize her way of dong things, but as it is a nighmare in my view to be together, I will try and socialise without kids. sighhhhh

Franca will you come back with the kids to England on holiday?