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Original poster

She doesn't want to talk to me on the phone/voice..why?

60 replies

Overjoyedd · 13/02/2021 21:42

Hi all

I have this female FB friend who I've known almost 10 yrs (she is in her 30's, married, no kids)

We talk (by wiring on Messenger I mean) things quite openly.
health, finance, hobby, family etc,. but we've never talked on the phone/voice before.

I've seen her pics w/ her husband, her work, even her online resume she recently created so there's no way she lies about her being woman etc,

In late 2020, I was having a little issue with something Sad and I really wanted to talk (voice chat) to her about it as I've told her about the issue previously, briefly.

but she basically said : I don't really do phone calls :

-she doesn't like talking on the phone and only talk to her mother on the phone, or at work when she really had to.

  • not huge fun of talking on the phone
  • it give her anxiety she chooses not to do it
  • it's general anxiety of not wanting to feel stupid

I don't think she dislike me and such, as she almost always sends me Messenger message first (even what she's told me above)
and when I reply, she always comes back to me like within 5 minutes . so she is clearly likes keeping in touch with me though?

I am obviously a bit sad that she didn't want to talk with me when I needed her, but also trying to understand what is making her in that way Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Overjoyedd · 14/02/2021 11:56

Just to clarify to people who assume is s a scam -- ok i understand you don't have time to read the whole thread but pls note below:

We've used Payapl to purchase something I can't buy in the UK
(and vice versa she is in Canada and she sent me money and asked me to get something what she can't get in Canada e.g. limited edition makeup)

*I only did that above after I've gotten known her after like 7 yrs

I did NOT just gift the money or item

Item I've sent her, she put them on her website (I checked her website registry info and it's legit with her name etc,) website is related to her profession

Reason I mentioned She replies the message quickly -- is to explain that she is NOT avoiding to communicate w/ me yet reluctant to use the voice chat which I'd like to understand the psychological reasons

OP posts:
Original poster
Overjoyedd · 14/02/2021 11:56

*who assume she is a scam

OP posts:
SheeshazAZ09 · 14/02/2021 12:10

I hate talking on the phone too as I can’t see visual cues and find it a real effort. I would give her benefit of doubt.

Butcanyoujusttellme · 14/02/2021 13:32

Anyone can register a website op

You seem irritated at people suggesting this may be a scam, which suggests you’ve heard it all before too.
If everyone keeps saying the same thing, then you may want to consider it.
Again, all the reasons you’ve given ‘proving’ this isn’t a scam, don’t check out.

If however you’re sure this isn’t a scam, and she’s given you her reasons for not wanting to speak on the phone already
I’m not sure what you’re looking for here?
She’s told you she doesn’t want to, and why.

What response are you hoping for here?

Original poster
Overjoyedd · 14/02/2021 13:37

Thanks for your comment all Especially thank you for those who brought up medical/ psychological point of view :)

I think my conclusion is -- she has possibly medical/psychological reasons not wanting to talk on the phone, which she isn't either aware , or embarrassed to open up at this point

So let's leave it as it is for now

and @wellthatsunusual thanks again for your first comment. I felt that you tried to understand / being fair to me which I know you have more compassion than others whothinksthingsarejustblack&whiteandIhavetosuckitup. Grin

Have a good weekend all :)

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 14/02/2021 13:51

I hate the idea of phone calls. I won't even phone for a take away (DH tries to force me by refusing to do it for me. I have been known to cry out of hunger and frustration Angry)

People at work would be gob snaked if they knew this about me. I CAN do it if I have to, I just hate it.

I don't mind speaking with people I've always spoken to (close relatives) but to someone I'd only communicated with in written form...tbh it just wouldn't happen.

Meowtha · 14/02/2021 13:51

I hate talking on the phone. I talk to friends either on WhatsApp or in person.

I don't think I've had an actual phone conversation in about 4 years.

TitusPullo · 15/02/2021 09:44

I think the people who are saying they hate talking on the phone are missing the bigger picture. The OP has never met this person, in over a decade of typing to them, they have never seen the face or heard the voice of the person behind the screen. I almost exclusively WhatsApp friends and family but I have met them and others connected with their lives. I know the OP doesn’t want to entertain the idea their friend may not be being completely truthful about their identity but it’s a huge red flag.

lazylinguist · 15/02/2021 10:06

Tbh I wouldn't regard someone I'd never met and had only communicated with online as an actual friend. I certainly couldn't imagine feeling comfort from hearing the voice of a person I'd never actually spoken to. I have no problem with phone calls, but they aren't a normal way for me to keep in touch with people except my parents and sister.

Maybe your friend isn't legit, OP. But I think it's just as likely that she just sees this relationship differently from you. Stepping up from an 'internet friend' to an in-person friend might not be what she wants.

AmberItsACertainty · 18/02/2021 01:29

OP I'm really sorry but trying to work out why your friend doesn't want to talk on the phone is just rude. It's like you're trying to work out if she has a medical problem and what it might be. It's actually none of your business.

She's been open with you about the phone giving her anxiety. She didn't need to share that much, but she chose to. She could have just said No and not given a reason. She doesn't owe you reasons. If you're friends with her why can't you just accept her as she is? Why the need to work out a reason or "wait for her to open up?" Sorry but I find it creepy and weird.

She has a boundary that's all. She's decided she won't talk on the phone. You don't have to understand it you just have to respect it and accept it. If it's a deal breaker for you then end the friendship. But don't push at someone's boundaries, it's rude and disrespectful.

I don't do phone calls. I wouldn't mind you calling if your house was burning down or you were dying, but that's it. Literally.

I'm busy (we all are, aren't we?). I'm never sitting staring at the phone waiting for it to ring. I'm always doing something and whatever I'm doing, I don't want to be interrupted by somebody chit-chatting or moaning on, or whatever, for a couple hours. I'm no good at keeping track of time and it messes up my day, leaving me with something half done, the something I was in the middle of when the phone rang.

If people can't understand that then I block their numbers so they can't call me. These are my friends and I block them if they can't respect my boundary around not phoning me. It's not something that's open to negotiation, for me. It doesn't mean I hate them or don't care. It just means I don't want them phoning me. I'm available by text or pre-lockdown I'll arrange via text to meet up with people. It's just a choice of how to live my life. It's nothing sinister, nothing that needs 'working out' or 'opening up' about.

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