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Original poster

What would you do - friend shaving her sideburns

55 replies

back2thefuture · 18/01/2021 18:51

An acquaintance (we're not close but get on well) (met at start of lockdown locally and see each other on walks etc) every now and then shaves her sideburns in a very extreme manner which is very noticeable and not very attractive - and also not necessary. She's not particularly "hairy" (NOT THAT THIS WOULD BE A PROBLEM ANYWAY - before anyone says - I'm just trying to set the scene, and also trying to understand why she does it.)

She is single and quite open about wanting to meet someone. She has her eye on several local guys but things never work out and she seems (naturally) upset when they stop calling and don't give a reason.

I'm not saying it's all because of the sideburns - I'm honestly not trying to be nasty - but all in all I just wonder if someone should say something to her along the lines of "gosh your sidies are quite trim - you looked lovely before, you know - I'm not sure you need to do it again next time" or something else? (Please do suggest!)

I'm just at a loss as I feel someone she trusts should say something but most of the mates she talks about are men and she has a brother, so maybe men are less likely to talk about it.... Please don't jump on me for that statement, I'm just theorising.

I would far rather not say something as it's awkward, and I don't want to upset her, but then again maybe it's the kind thing to do?

For example if it was me I think I'd like someone to discreetly take me to one side and let me know they can see I've shaved and it looked better before Confused

Help!! From someone who really does want the best and has no ulterior motive - promise!!

What would you do?

OP posts:
FiveNightsAtMummys · 18/01/2021 20:33

I'd not say anything, if she didn't like it she wouldn't keep doing it. She might not like your hair but that would be her problem.

MarmiteWine · 18/01/2021 20:33

I remember my late gran doing this. It was because that small area was very grey but the rest of her hair wasn't. She preferred to shave off the grey than to have the fuss of dyeing it for the sake of such a small area.

I wouldn't recommend mentioning it. Realistically, this won't be the reason for her lack of success on the man front.

Atalune · 18/01/2021 20:33

But do not, whatever you do, tell her men might find it unattractive because I am sure that isn’t true and would hurt.

Original poster
back2thefuture · 18/01/2021 20:35

@ProudAuntie76

Like this sort of thing?

I don’t think it would magically repel all men.

It’s rude to make comments about other people’s appearance.

Yes - very similar! You're so right, it would be rude to just comment. My intention is to help not just comment. It's a case of misplaced good intentions on my part I think, though, but of course they can often go wrong!
OP posts:
Taylrse · 18/01/2021 20:36

I don't think I'd say anything. She must be ok with her shaved sideburn appearance to keep doing it.

Plus if that is what is putting men off, one of them would have probably told her by now.

ProudAuntie76 · 18/01/2021 20:38

Honestly...if it is like that picture, as you say “very similar”, it’s not the hair which is putting men off. It’s an alternative look, it’s edgy. Some men would be really into it. To be honest, I think it looks pretty cool and I’d probably compliment the woman in the picture.

bitheby · 18/01/2021 20:38

You would love my hair cut. The whole sides of my head are shaved. I don't think it puts off prospective partners.

alexdgr8 · 18/01/2021 20:46

it's a style, just one you would not personally have.
so what. you don't have to have it.
your concern is misplaced. this is not her problem, if she does indeed have a problem.
just enjoy your walks, but not too close, don't keep staring, or else we'll have a thread along the following lines:
i've taken to walking in the park with a pleasant enough
young woman. problem is she keeps staring at me, kind of
sideways, furtively, and often asks me about boyfriends,
dating etc. i think she fancies me. how can i tell her i'm not
interested, don't want to hurt her feelings.

titchy · 18/01/2021 20:47

Blimey OP if it's anything like that picture it's absolutely fine. It looks good, modern, cool, edgy. Perhaps you need to get with the times a bit!

peboh · 18/01/2021 20:48

It's not really any of your business. Leave her to do whatever she wants with her face and hair.

CathyorClaire · 18/01/2021 20:50

I wouldn't even clock someone with the look in the picture.

Dunno what you're on about, TBH. It's fine. If you value the acquaintanceship, say nothing.

Glitterandunicorns · 18/01/2021 20:52

If it is the same as the picture, I've had a more extreme version of that haircut.

Tbh, you sound a bit like my older relatives! I get that it's not to everyone's taste to have an undercut or shaved bits in your hair, but it is quite alternative and sounds you've just got different tastes in haircuts! It will not put any prospective partners off, and if it did, they wouldn't be decent people anyway.

At first, I thought you were trying to say she'd made a bit of a mess of her hair, but it sounds like it's a deliberate design choice.
It's nice that you're trying to help your friend, but it's not kind to tell someone you don't like their hair, however nicely you try to phrase it.

Original poster
back2thefuture · 18/01/2021 20:56

@alexdgr8

it's a style, just one you would not personally have. so what. you don't have to have it. your concern is misplaced. this is not her problem, if she does indeed have a problem. just enjoy your walks, but not too close, don't keep staring, or else we'll have a thread along the following lines: i've taken to walking in the park with a pleasant enough young woman. problem is she keeps staring at me, kind of sideways, furtively, and often asks me about boyfriends, dating etc. i think she fancies me. how can i tell her i'm not interested, don't want to hurt her feelings.
Haha - yea, point taken!
OP posts:
Original poster
back2thefuture · 18/01/2021 20:58

@bitheby

You would love my hair cut. The whole sides of my head are shaved. I don't think it puts off prospective partners.
I actually probably would! I promise I'm not the style police. One of my good friends has an undercut all round and dyes it pink - it's cool. I'm not against alternative stuff, though I know it may sound like I am :(
OP posts:
ApocalypseBiscuits · 18/01/2021 21:18

@ProudAuntie76

Like this sort of thing?

I don’t think it would magically repel all men.

It’s rude to make comments about other people’s appearance.

Ooh I really like that. Reminds me of Karen Hauer's hair.
What would you do - friend shaving her sideburns
ApocalypseBiscuits · 18/01/2021 21:18

What is your opinion of Karen Hauer's hair OP?

Jenala · 18/01/2021 21:22

Is she shaving it so stubble grows back, or using clippers to make it very short as per pictures?

I wouldn't say anything either way, but fully shaving it is weird. Those pictures are fades/short clippers. Not stubble.

nzeire · 18/01/2021 21:29

I know what you mean, a woman used to come into my shop with this look. It actually looks so bizarre. She was super conventional, so I don’t think it was an @edgy” look, more asylum
And nope, you can’t say anything (maybe if you were her bestie)

nzeire · 18/01/2021 21:29

Look look look

Plussizejumpsuit · 18/01/2021 21:31

If her hair looks like the pic she's done it intentionally so leave her to it
It's not like she's accidentally messed up

Original poster
back2thefuture · 18/01/2021 21:37

@ApocalypseBiscuits

What is your opinion of Karen Hauer's hair OP?
Yeah love Karen Hauer's hair! I think I'm not doing a good job of explaining. But I don't think it's edgy / a statement / a style. But I could definitely be wrong - she might be going for this look, which of course is absolutely fair enough and not my business. Thanks mumsnetters!!
OP posts:
reindeesandchristmastrees · 18/01/2021 21:41

I'm not very hairy but I do have long sideburns - I have been tempted to shave in the past as I tend to have short hair. Short hair and a long side burn isn't necessarily a good look but it may be that she over compensates for that (I may have done the same in the past)

ApocalypseBiscuits · 18/01/2021 22:56

I wouldn't say anything. Or if I did it would be something along the lines of "doesn't so-and-so's hair look great" (Karen Hauer - I'm not obsessed I promise! lol) so that maybe your friend will get some inspiration and go for something that flatters her better. Perhaps she's going for edgy and it's misfiring. That is the sort of thing I'd do so I sympathise with her if so. It's easy to get hair wrong. There was an amazing thread on here the other day with women describing their worst fashion mistakes: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4138148-I-bought-a-white-coat-in-the-sales-to-look-like-Olivia-Pope-but-I-actually-resemble-a-middle-aged-taekwando-instructor Edgy misfires abound.

TillyTopper · 19/01/2021 07:23

I don't think you're mean at all OP, you come across as very caring about your friend. I wouldn't mention the shaved bit or sideburns, if I was to say anything at all I'd wait when you're discussing hair and styles and perhaps say "I've been thinking I might [whatever would be a change for you] Have you ever thought of going a bit longer?" Good luck if you decide to say something.

Porridgeoat · 19/01/2021 07:33

If it’s done in an edgy way it could be nice

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