What would you do - friend shaving her sideburns

[back2thefuture]

An acquaintance (we're not close but get on well) (met at start of lockdown locally and see each other on walks etc) every now and then shaves her sideburns in a very extreme manner which is very noticeable and not very attractive - and also not necessary. She's not particularly "hairy" (NOT THAT THIS WOULD BE A PROBLEM ANYWAY - before anyone says - I'm just trying to set the scene, and also trying to understand why she does it.)

She is single and quite open about wanting to meet someone. She has her eye on several local guys but things never work out and she seems (naturally) upset when they stop calling and don't give a reason.

I'm not saying it's all because of the sideburns - I'm honestly not trying to be nasty - but all in all I just wonder if someone should say something to her along the lines of "gosh your sidies are quite trim - you looked lovely before, you know - I'm not sure you need to do it again next time" or something else? (Please do suggest!)

I'm just at a loss as I feel someone she trusts should say something but most of the mates she talks about are men and she has a brother, so maybe men are less likely to talk about it.... Please don't jump on me for that statement, I'm just theorising.

I would far rather not say something as it's awkward, and I don't want to upset her, but then again maybe it's the kind thing to do?

For example if it was me I think I'd like someone to discreetly take me to one side and let me know they can see I've shaved and it looked better before

Help!! From someone who really does want the best and has no ulterior motive - promise!!

What would you do?

Tricky definitely but I would take a risk and mention it. Only because she's hoping to meet someone and you think this might be an off putting factor.

Does she have short hair? Maybe suggest she changes her style or something so she no longer needs to shave. It must be a right faff for her.

Please don’t say anything. As someone who used to be hairy- before spending £££££ getting it permanently removed- I would have been mortified and gone home and cried. But aside from that what else would you say to people to make them ‘more attractive’......that they should loose weight, sort out their monobrow, get a decent haircut, get a new wardrobe? If she meets ‘the one’, he isn’t going to mind the side burns......or any other physical ‘defect’ you think she has.

I think if you really must say something just be aware that it might be the end of the friendship. I'd be fucking mortified if I was her.
Maybe just accept her as she is without commenting on her appearance?

I mean, I'd want someone to tell me, but not everyone takes it the same way. My friend group is very honest with each other so I guess it depends on the kind of relationship you have. It's impossible to say if she'd be offended without knowing her

What?????? Unless she has facial hair how can she have sideburns? Do you mean she's got a shit haircut?

Please let her sort her hair facial or otherwise herself.

I don't understand, if she's not hairy how can she have sideburns?! My hair stops just about my ears, where is hers growing to?!

I don't think you can mention it, I don't even know what you would say.

I can't picture what you mean OP. Are you using sideburns the right way?

I'm assuming wispy bits in front of her ears. Some people have a hairline where it creeps down in front of the ears a bit?

I wouldn't say anything

Sideburns? She must have quite extreme facial hair to be able to grow side burns. If that’s the case, can she grow a beard? If so, then please don’t say anything, it would be so hurtful. She’s doing the best with extreme facial hair.

Or do you mean she shaves the sides of her head?

I don’t understand either

Everything about your post is mean.

I'm struggling to picture exactly what you mean by sideburns. Maybe she has PCOS?

I’m also confused! Maybe it’s a DIY lockdown do that’s gone a bit awry. She may well already realised she’s messed up. Or maybe she likes her sideburns like that. Who knows? Either way, I think you should leave her be. I’d be mortified if someone said that to me - and you aren’t even good friends with her!

Are you both 11?

@Covidcovid

I'm assuming wispy bits in front of her ears. Some people have a hairline where it creeps down in front of the ears a bit?

I wouldn't say anything

Yes, this. So she has kind of taken her hairline up above her ears.... using the word sideburns probably was misleading, sorry. I should have said wispy bits. There is no beard or anything. I honestly don't intend to be mean, I promise. You are right though that she may be mortified and I wouldn't want to do that. I'm honestly just not sure if people generally would want a little bit of friendly advice but it seems maybe not, so thank you for being honest :)

I don’t get it. She’s not visually impaired, she can see her own face/hair and make decisions accordingly.

It’s not like smelly breath or your dress tucked into your knickers which you might not know unless told...

@thisislovelyme

Tricky definitely but I would take a risk and mention it. Only because she's hoping to meet someone and you think this might be an off putting factor.

Does she have short hair? Maybe suggest she changes her style or something so she no longer needs to shave. It must be a right faff for her.

Ah and should have also answered this - no, she doesn't have short hair. It's shoulder length. So when she ties it up, there are very obvious dark shaved patches

@NellWilsonsWhiteHair

I don’t get it. She’s not visually impaired, she can see her own face/hair and make decisions accordingly.

It’s not like smelly breath or your dress tucked into your knickers which you might not know unless told...

This is true!

Like this sort of thing?

I don’t think it would magically repel all men.

It’s rude to make comments about other people’s appearance.

So it’s obvious hats she shaved? It looks peculiar?

Hmm......difficult. Perhaps just compliment her when they are wispy and grown out a bit? “Your hair looks so cute like that, it really frames your face, you I really prefer it when you let it go natural. Much more feminine looking” etc etc.

Does she have long time short hair.....it sounds like maybe she needs a gentle hand, so tread very carefully.

@Reinventinganna

Everything about your post is mean.

I'm so sorry - honestly not my intention. I fully understand and know everyone is different and there are all sorts of explanations. And I'm not saying I'm perfect for a second. That's why I needed a bit of mumsnet to get a balanced set of views. What I am saying is if there was something I could do or not do that might be easy and might be helpful, I'd want to know.

@Atalune

So it’s obvious hats she shaved? It looks peculiar?

Hmm......difficult. Perhaps just compliment her when they are wispy and grown out a bit? “Your hair looks so cute like that, it really frames your face, you I really prefer it when you let it go natural. Much more feminine looking” etc etc.

Does she have long time short hair.....it sounds like maybe she needs a gentle hand, so tread very carefully.

Thank you - this is a nice way of saying it :)

Or go the other way and help her define the look with an edgier shave??

Well unless she doesn’t own a mirror, I would suspect she already knows!