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Original poster

friends DH caned his ds?!

78 replies

joanneg · 20/10/2004 19:38

I say friend it is actually the daughter and son in law of my Mums best friend.

The story is: the ds is FIVE - cant go into why the child was naughty just incase the mum uses this site - but needless to say it wasnt very naughty at all and involved him taking something that wasnt his.

Anyway the dad wanted his son "to have a hiding to remember so he would never steal again". So took out a cane (I mean who actually has a bloody cane??) and walloped his ds across the bottom (dont know how many times). He left nasty red marks across the childs bottom.

I was really shocked about this, not sure that my mum was really as shocked as me. I am not overacting m I??

OP posts:
Cam · 21/10/2004 12:00

Yes you can report it to the Social Services or the NSPCC and they will immediately report it to the police. Or you can report it to the police and they will immediately inform the Social Services. They work together in a child protection team.

ScummyMummy · 21/10/2004 12:48

I agree that you should report it to social services/NSPCC, joanneg- it really sounds like this family needs professional help. A decision to punish a five year old so very harshly doesn't bode well- what will these parents decide to do in the future if nobody challenges them now? Fwiw and in case it makes you feel better, (you too, janh)I doubt that a single incident of this would result in the family being broken up by social services. I could only see that happening if this behaviour is indicative of more general physical abuse. Unless this is the case, the emphasis would probably be on re-educating the parents on what is/is not acceptable.

Delovely · 21/10/2004 12:58

Agree strongly with Scummy about reeducation. PLEASE report him for the little boy's sake. Call the NSPCC for guidance if you have any doubts: 0808 800 5000. You can talk to them in confidence; I did this when concerned about a young girl I know, and they advised me on the next step without requiring any details from me. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't ignore this.

ladymuck · 21/10/2004 13:12

I guess it depends on what you know of the situation, and how you know about it (plus in what context it was shared). I would be hesitant in going straight to the authorities without at least warning the parents that this is what you intend unless you are VERY sure of your facts.

I appreciate that the argument "it was good enough for me" doesn't hold much water these days, but looking back on the canings that I received at this age: whilst they had an impact, losing one or both of my parents would have had a much greater impact.

You obviously feel strongly - but I really would urge you to go to one of the parents first before goign to the authorities. If after talking to the parents you still feel that the child is at risk, then you need to take further steps.

Delovely · 21/10/2004 13:41

Whatever you do, doing nothing is not an option

color · 21/10/2004 13:58

Ditto Delovely.

joanneg YOU MUST report him. You have no option. What could happen or has happened does not bear thinking about and if you do not report him how will you feel for not helping the child.

doobydoo · 21/10/2004 14:05

How awful made me want to cry.
You could ring Childline or the NSPCC for advice and to find out what would happen if you wanted to take it further.It might be difficult to approach the father!
Also the mother might not have felt able to intervene for lots of reasons.I mean who knows what goes on behind closed doors?
Also how did you find out about this?
and 1 other thing it is just so undignified for the little boy...I feel so sad.

MarmaladeSun · 21/10/2004 16:10

I don't think you should approach the family; I did a course for childminding about child abuse and the family should never be given advance warning as if there is abuse happening, then it gives them a chance to cover their tracks, co-erce the child into lying about it etc. I would contact the NSPCC as others have said. They are lovely and will give you advice without pressuring you into doing anything.

lou33 · 21/10/2004 16:13

Agree with doobydoo

lou33 · 21/10/2004 16:14

and marmaladesun, i meant to add.

aloha · 21/10/2004 20:18

NSPCC. Just do it. It can be anonymous and they WILL investigate thoroughly. I have done this myself when I thought a child was in danger. This is child abuse, no question.

aloha · 21/10/2004 20:20

DON'T warn them. No way. The child won't be taken into care, so don't panic about that. But this is VERY serious. Please call. If you don't want to, give me the details and I'll do it.

aloha · 21/10/2004 20:21

They will alert the local social services who will visit the family ASAP - usually same day. They will talk to the parents and examine the child.

Spod · 21/10/2004 20:24

that is awful, how can someone treat a five year old like this?

lavender2 · 21/10/2004 20:28

that is bang out of order...have slapped ds and dh with hand but no way would use anything else(smacks of arabs who are inhumane people when my dad had alcohol over there he was wipped with a stick so many times that he had marks that he had to disguise by saying he couldn't go swimming because he had been shot (didn't find this out until too late to talk to him about iykwim) so really this needs to be nipped in the bud because that is child abuse of the highest order and glad you came onto mumsnet because bang out of order...you are not overacting...

hercules · 21/10/2004 20:46

arabs are inhumane people?????

That comment is bang out of order and racist!

Perhaps you disagreed with the law in the country and method of punishment although I assume this would have been known in advance.

moderatorlou33 · 21/10/2004 20:46

Lavender, welcome back to mumsnet, but I have to say your comment about arabs goes completely against the mumsnet philosophy, and is liable to cause great offence. I would ask you to have a look at our mumsnet philosophy again, and if you feel you cannot adhere to it, then it would be better to refrain from posting until you can.

Any other netters, please try not to get drawn into a discussion about race.

Best wishes.

hercules · 21/10/2004 20:47

Posts crossed there lou.

WideWebWitch · 21/10/2004 20:47

Well done Lou. I resisted posting, I really did. But I'm glad to see that you have. OK, I'll shut up now.

hercules · 21/10/2004 20:48

I will say no more except for the first time ever on mumsnet.

lavender2 · 21/10/2004 20:53

not all arabs ffs but that was an example of mine where I was seriously upset and that was the people who did it (am not trying to incite anyone...please take it in the way it was meant to be...ie. arabs (look at the recent news) are a little different to us....am not going to be accused again of something.....thank-you

hercules · 21/10/2004 20:57

There are so many ignorant comments in your posting I darent start to explain.

moderatorlou33 · 21/10/2004 20:58

you quoted "smacks of arabs who are inhumane people". That is quite a general and sweeping statement and will cause offence. If it was a mistake, then I would suggest taking longer to think about what you are saying, before you click the post button in future.

lavender2 · 21/10/2004 20:59

???? I am going to leave this site for good (it wasn't your father who was wipped was it) Ken Bigley?????? get real.

hercules · 21/10/2004 21:01

A white person swore at me the other day but I dont for one moment think that means all white people will swear at me. It is called judging a whole race of people based on the actions of a tiny tiny tiny few of that race.