friends DH caned his ds?!

[joanneg]

I say friend it is actually the daughter and son in law of my Mums best friend.

The story is: the ds is FIVE - cant go into why the child was naughty just incase the mum uses this site - but needless to say it wasnt very naughty at all and involved him taking something that wasnt his.

Anyway the dad wanted his son "to have a hiding to remember so he would never steal again". So took out a cane (I mean who actually has a bloody cane??) and walloped his ds across the bottom (dont know how many times). He left nasty red marks across the childs bottom.

I was really shocked about this, not sure that my mum was really as shocked as me. I am not overacting m I??

That aside if you commit a crime in a country where it is illegal then you should expect the punishment that goes with that crime in that country.

I'm off because am sorry but can't agree that you should get thrashed for doing something that is what everyone does (drink alcohol) we don't wip people because they don't follow our religious beliefs

Good Grief guys-joanneg wanted some help!

sorry but couldnt let that go.

I would definetly report to childprotection part of the police.

and she is getting help (with explanations of it's very wrong to do this....the fact that in Saudi Arabia they are really fierce about people who disobey the law was to say please get help it is very wrong) ie. that is the sort of thing SOME people do in their nation to tell them they are wrong but it is not right is it? please don't let him do this again .

I do understand that,was an outrageous statement.
But i think Nspcc or Childline like i said earlier.
Ireally hope it all gets sorted joanneg.Good Luck and do let us know what happens wont you?
I keep thinking of the little boy.
My son is 5 and is tucked up in bed excited about 1/2 term etc i feel sooo sad.Good Luck again.

are you still there joanneg

I agree that the caning is awful and should be reported if it is true. That poor little boy. I want to cry for him. BUT I think you need to be very careful that you have the correct facts before you report people. At the moment this is a third hand story and so could be exaggerated by neighbourhood gossip. I've been involved as a teacher with a case where an inaccurate rumour have caused great upset to family. I witnessed the alleged incident that was reported and didn't recognise it it had been so exaggerated by the time social services asked me about it.

And Lavender, you talk about arabs being different from 'us'. How do you know the ethnic origin of all us mumsnetters? How can you be so sure that women of arabic origin don't enjoy talking about their children on mumsnet just like 'us'. They are us FGS.FYI many many people of arabic origin live in this country and they don't all believe in Saudi style punishment.

I was generalising and I guess cross about my late father's treatment...I just say it the way it is

Thats the point thought Lav - you dont say it the way it is as it ISNT the way you say it.

Anyway - this poor little boy - feel so sad for him.

Also agree about consideration that this may not be the whole truth but I think that in cases like these surely they need to be investigated?

That's what racism is lav. Making generalised comments about a race of people.

(was referring to the people who run the country....Tony Blair doesn't do this....please.

Perhaps you need to preview carefully then in future....

How about if people are wanting to go off on a tangent on a thread like this that they start a new thread to discuss it.

This whole issue is about a boy who, quite honestly, my heart breaks for! Caned FFS, CANED, I never knew it would cross someones mind in this day and age!

And where the hell would he get a cane? The fact he had one indicates this poor little lad is in a horrendous situation, black sheep at that age! OMFG! Poor poor boy, Joanneg I hope you report this sick swine and get that little boy help! Shame on the mother too, if anyone came near my ds twins with anything like a cane they would have me to deal with.

No way, this isn't punishment, this is abuse in its worst, sickest form. Let us know what happens Joanneg, thank God he has you to help him (again I would do it anonymously as if he can cane his own child, well, he isn't to be trusted that way.)

report him please (have re-read this and feel physically sick at the thought....so very sorry for going off tangent here but point being he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it at all.....no excuses for this in this day and age)

joanneg, you can also call social services without telling your name. What a terrible incident... So far I was not able to establish how exactly you came to know about this incident. have you any proof of it? Even if you will not be involved in further enquiries, if you do get SS or NSPCC or the police involved they will do all that on their own trying to establish teh facts, but are you quite sure this has happened? have you more suspicions on the way this father deals with his children? The accusation is very serious and if true it needs to be addressed fast and efficiently by the authorities.

just wanted to add not to tell us how you found out about what happened, extra details etc in case, as you said, the boy's mum is from mn. i wasn't at all questioning your story, those were just some questions you'd probably ask yourself before reporting the incident or when considering if to report or not...

joanneg - have been following this thread and am feeling haunted by it. What have you decided to do??

Hi everybody

Just checked in and am pleased with the response on this thread - makes me feel that I am not overreacting. Thanks for all of your advice.

I spoke to my Mum about this on Thursday because it was really troubling me and after a lot of your posts I wanted to get my facts 100% straight. Apparently the parents of this couple (the man who caned his ds) have stepped in and are apparently outraged that this happened to their grandson - in addition it seems that he smacks the kids quite a bit for silly things. My mum reckons that we should leave the grandparents to deal with the situation. What do you guys think?

Thanks again for the support.

I would definitely monitor the situation myself though. Give them a chance to deal with it, but they have to deal with it properly. Caning a child is so unnacceptable on so many levels I wouldn't know where to begin. Good luck.

I would still talk to the NSPCC, just to set your mind at rest that you're doing as much as you can under the circumstances. The grandparents may or may not be the ideal people to deal with this.

I would still contact NSPCC or the local social services (both can be done anonymously) as it would give the Grandparents some backing. They may be too emotionally involved if you see what I mean.

This monster needs professional help, not for it to be hidden in the family.

I would still intervene with teh call to Social Services, they may be able to haelp the father better than the Grandparents by offering support, other strategies for coping with challenging behaviour and will defintely help the littel boy by being a presence in his life.

What a nightmare for all concerned especially the wean, poor chap.

Do let us know what happens joanneg.

if Joanneg does report it and the family is contacted by social services or some other such organisation - do you think it would stop there or would it just continue behind closed doors?

poor little boy - it's so horrible for him that he's already treated like he's a black sheep - he's only 5.