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Original poster

Another Mumsnetter Waves Goodbye

261 replies

TraceyP · 11/10/2004 17:09

I came to MN to find friendship, an enjoyable way of passing the time, and support for my depression and suicidal feelings. What I often find now when I switch on my PC is spiteful comments, MNers being aggressive and confrontational, and finding that you can't even post a politely worded opinion without someone hurling themselves down your throats. There are now thread titles that I won't even open because I know that people will be bitching and sniping, and I find this very sad. I have actually sat in tears this afternoon because of certain posts that I've seen, and this is not how I want to feel when I come to Mumsnet.

This is not what I want from a site which should to be friendly and supportive, so I have decided that now is the time to leave. You won't miss me, of course - most of you won't even have noticed that I've been around! - but I just wanted to say thank you to all of those people who have supported me through my recent bad patch. Thank you for your concern and for everything you have said to make me feel better.

OP posts:
tigermoth · 11/10/2004 18:46

tracyp, not sure what threads this afternoon have left you in tears, but hope it wasn't the discussion about telling your children you love them? sorry - I don't read all the threads, but I know you posted on that one. Hope whatever you decide to do, you feel better soon.

NomDePlume · 11/10/2004 18:51

TraceyP, if you decide to go then it is entirely your choice, but it has been nice 'meeting' with you and reading your input.

It makes me feel sad that there are mumsnetters who feel unwelcome or uncomfortable on MN.

Sometimes I toy with the idea of leaving, but then I know my life will be that little bit emptier without it

bakedpotato · 11/10/2004 18:53

oh traceyP, you have made me laugh since i stumbled across mn. not least that recent story about your MIL on the canal boat. don't go!

Thunderbird1 · 11/10/2004 18:57

I too have seen all the to-ing & fro-ing thats been going on & I just think that I only post/read what I want to post/read. If I don't agree with something, I tend to steer clear & just think 'each to their own'. If a topic looks deep & a bit heated, I tend to stay away unless I feel as if I have something constructive to add. There is a lot of support on here & a lot of good advice. We all have our good & bad days & every now and again we all loose it to some extent- whether we mutter under our breath, swear out loud or yell at the kids (or reach for the choccy !). Its a real shame if too many people get disillusioned. Its also easy to read different things into how things are written - some people I think don't realise how things can be read & interpretted which can cause problems. Anyway - thats a bit long winded but - please don't get too down & disappear - TraceyP or anyone !!

October · 11/10/2004 19:40

Message withdrawn

Skate · 11/10/2004 19:49

I'm in your fanclub too Jampot!

BTW, where's Evesmama today? Thought she'd be revelling in MN today!

poppyseed · 11/10/2004 19:52

Just stay with us - wade past the time wasters and people who don't really support - concentrate on the people that matter...and who have given you advice in the past .
Be selective, if need be, as to what threads you post on, but think before you go. I always seem to feel on the whole MUCH better after talking here.

logic · 11/10/2004 19:59

TraceyP, I too have been attacked for making positive comments by people who really should know better and it's made me much more reluctant to post. I am pretty much sticking to the threads where I know that people are nice and avoiding the others. I just want to say that I have enjoyed reading your posts and it would be a loss to MN for you to go.

EvesMama · 11/10/2004 20:06

hi skate, im here!

couldnt get on this afternoon as dd gave me jip all day and had to rush around getting ready for play group when she dropped off!
how you been today?

zebra · 11/10/2004 20:06

I like you too, Jampot. Sorry I don't really 'know' you TraceyP or I imagine I'd say the same to you, too.
Having been flame-roasted so many times on MN I ought to hate it, but guess I'm too addicted. Plus for all kinds of reasons I can't manage to get any sort of social life in RL.
Feel really out of the loop I keep missing these threads that upset every1. Maybe we need a "Be nice to everybody else on MN" day.

confused39 · 11/10/2004 20:47

TraceyP, can only echo what others have said. Hope you change your mind...I do think some threads / postings on Mumsnet has been particularly confrontational recently but it has been this way before and settled back down.

At it's best, Mumsnet is simply fabulous - I have been blown away with the amount of support/advice/friendship I have found and read about on here. Hope you get to experience that too.

almost40 · 11/10/2004 20:51

Well, I'm sure what I'm about to say doesn't belong on this thread, but don't know where else to put it. I think that part of Mumsnet's recent problems comes from the number of threads that come up under the Active Conversations link. There are just too many to keep up, and I think it is promoting somewhat thoughtless comments. I think it was better in the good old days when there was just so many threads that popped up. Does anyone else share this view? I wonder if we could write to Tech to have us go back in time? More is not always better . . .

Uwila · 11/10/2004 20:56

I think it's a people issue, not a technology issue. It isn't that mumsnet is bad. It's that people say bad things sometimes, and the medium sometimes happens to be mumsnet.

As someone who recently felt just as you do now, I would suggest that perhaps you might benefit if you separate the people and the nasty comments from mumsnet. some of the people here are nice and supportive, and others don't know when to bite their tongues.

It would be a shame to let the nasty few ruing the good things about mumsnet... and there are good things here.

Original poster
TraceyP · 11/10/2004 21:02

I knew I couldn't stay away long - I pop back for a peek and MNers are still at it. Accusations of trolling, people getting nasty, others accusing people of aggressive posts simply because they change their nickname to avoid the brickbats, there's even someone trying to pick a fight with someone else at the minute over some nastiness on the Education thread. Thank you to everyone who has asked me to stay and said such nice things, but MN is doing my head in at the moment. It's like kids fighting in the playground, and we don't need that.

OP posts:
poppyseed · 11/10/2004 21:14

Sorry you feel like that . Unfortunately it's a reflection of RL perhaps at the moment. I am blissfully unaware of it all going on and remain up here on my wine cloud looking down on it all. Hope you don't stay away for long.

tammybear · 11/10/2004 21:14

i know traceyp that its horrible, and i wonder why on earth people have to turn it into something its not (although I can understand the education one, the original poster is angry and upset). its best to avoid those threads and post on threads that you feel comfortable in iykwim. xxx

October · 11/10/2004 21:16

Message withdrawn

Uwila · 11/10/2004 21:17

mmm... wine cloud. That sounds nice. I'd like be there.

Original poster
TraceyP · 11/10/2004 21:17

I've gone.

OP posts:
October · 11/10/2004 21:19

Message withdrawn

musica · 11/10/2004 21:19

I've just had a revolutionary idea. How about a new category, which threads can be moved into, labelled 'DANGER - FIGHT' or something to that effect, or even just have the titles in red or something, then anyone who wants to avoid confrontation can know in advance, rather than getting sucked in!

WideWebWitch · 11/10/2004 21:20

And uwila, if you can come back, I think anyone can! Agree with you, this does happen sometimes and it does always die down again quite quickly. I don't even think people necessarily always say bad things, just that on a site this size people are bound to disagree with each other. Human nature innit? And a certain amount of disagreement is healthy and quite as it should be.

Uwila · 11/10/2004 21:20

TraceyP, perhaps a break is what you need. But, I hope you come back. The day I told everyone I was leaving, I was sooooooo mad there was smoke coming out of my ears. But, there's nothing to stop you from linguring and reading... if you want to.

And, if you don't want to... then I of course respect your choice.

Skate · 11/10/2004 21:20

Nooooooo.

SpringChicken · 11/10/2004 21:24

TraceyP - i do sincerely hope that it wasn't be that upset you so much today

I mean this comment in a general way but things have changed on mumsnet lately - its either one end of the scale or the other, no happy medium. People don't seem to be able to disagree with someones comments without it turning into something it's not (and i'm not just talking about our disagreement earlier) or at other times people just seem to be being deliberately nasty for the sake of it.

As i said, i do really really hope it wasn't me that has made you decide to leave mumsnet - it is a good place really but as some people have said, it just goes through rough patches.
I don't recall reading any of your other threads about depression and suicide but i really do wish you all the best and hope things work out for you.

Big Hug