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Original poster

Another Mumsnetter Waves Goodbye

261 replies

TraceyP · 11/10/2004 17:09

I came to MN to find friendship, an enjoyable way of passing the time, and support for my depression and suicidal feelings. What I often find now when I switch on my PC is spiteful comments, MNers being aggressive and confrontational, and finding that you can't even post a politely worded opinion without someone hurling themselves down your throats. There are now thread titles that I won't even open because I know that people will be bitching and sniping, and I find this very sad. I have actually sat in tears this afternoon because of certain posts that I've seen, and this is not how I want to feel when I come to Mumsnet.

This is not what I want from a site which should to be friendly and supportive, so I have decided that now is the time to leave. You won't miss me, of course - most of you won't even have noticed that I've been around! - but I just wanted to say thank you to all of those people who have supported me through my recent bad patch. Thank you for your concern and for everything you have said to make me feel better.

OP posts:
soapbox · 11/10/2004 17:13

TraceyP

I've certainly noticed you around today and enjoyed 'chatting' with you

I've been on this site for a very long time, couple of years or so and TBH still spend most of my time lurking! I do read all the argy bargy threads, but most of the time just don't post on them. Don't really like confrontation much, and save myself for hte arguments that really do matter, and they tend to be in RL!

I hope you don't go - but understand if you dpo

MummyToSteven · 11/10/2004 17:14

Oh Tracey - sorry to hear what you have decided. It will be such a shame to see you go - I do think that you, and others such as MIAM on the Feeling Low board, have such a lot of kindness and great advice to offer people. I have not been on this site for long (since about June) but it does seem to be going through a phase at the moment - i seriously think that the change of seasons is getting people down in one way or another, resulting in the narkiness. You have my e-mail addy anyway I think if you want to keep in touch

collision · 11/10/2004 17:14

Oh goodness. I dont know what has happened but I am really sorry that you are so upset. Sometimes we post and dont get answered which is upsetting and I know how you feel if you do get ignored. I dont know if someone in particular has upset you...I just wanted to say...I dont know really...just that you sound so upset and MN can be a laugh and a good place to air your thoughts and feelings which you cant always do in RL. Hugs to you.

woodstock · 11/10/2004 17:16

Please take some time to reconsider TraceyP. I was dreadfully upset at what I saw to be an attack from a fellow MNer several weeks ago. I felt betrayed by a place that had seemed so welcoming and friendly. I took some time off, probably lurk more and post less now, but still find some useful information and support on the site.

FWIW I agree with your opinion on the smokers thread.

iota · 11/10/2004 17:16

traceyP have to echo mummytosteven - I really can't understand why things are blowing up all the time on here at the mo.
Stick around and don't get sucked into the argy bargy

PicadillyCircus · 11/10/2004 17:22

Tracey - I've seen you around and would be sad to see you go.

Thomcat · 11/10/2004 17:24

Oh how sad. I hope you reconsider and use mumsnet as a place to come to if you feel in nned of support or advice.

Original poster
TraceyP · 11/10/2004 17:24

Just came back to switch off the PC and found these - thank you. At the moment I'm depressed enough in RL without having to be upset by MN too! It's probably not so much the actual comments and threads that have upset me (I'm normally pretty thick skinned and can give as good as I get), more that at the moment my depression is making me over sensitive. Still, sitting here in tears over someone's silly comments isn't the best way to feel better. I don't like confrontation, particularly when it's not asked for, and I'm finding it really hard that this is what MN has come to. Some of the threads over the last couple of days have been horrible, and some of the criticism that certain MNers have come in for has been really awful. At the moment this is not the kind of place where my head needs to be.

OP posts:
KangaMummy · 11/10/2004 17:25

tracey please do not go I really enjoyed chatting to you yesterday about your wench costume you have to stay so we can hear how your costume goes and about the party.

I keep hearing that people want to leave because of horrible things that people say here but I have never seen any of the rude threads so I never know what they are talking about. I hear about trolls as well. Hope you do stay.

tammybear · 11/10/2004 17:26

TraceyP - Mumsnet is suppose to be a place for support and advice, and although there has been one or two threads lately where things have gotten out of control, the majority of the threads are of a good or looking for help nature. Please don't feel like you have to go because of some of the negative threads. It's best to try and ignore them if they bother you. xxx

GRMUM · 11/10/2004 17:26

tracey I hope that you won't go. As others have said just lurk for a while....(but don't forget to post when you have signed on for your OU course!!) x

soapbox · 11/10/2004 17:27

TraceyP - would it be possible for you to post and read only the 'feeling low' topics. That way you could still get the support, and give support too, when you want to, without being affected by the cut and thrust of the other threads?

This site goes through little spells like this now and again - hopefully it will settle down again soon

Take care, whatever you decide

moomina · 11/10/2004 17:28

Tracey, I completely agree with you. I used to genuinely love this site but increasingly when I post on, or start, threads I end up wishing I hadn't bothered. Of course there will always be disagreement - in fact that's what keeps sites like this alive and interesting - but there's too much disagreement just for the hell of it here these days. I am sorry that you've decided to leave but I don't blame you at all. I think lurking is the way forward as there is lots of useful stuff but personally I can't face any more of the holier-than-thou or aggressive stuff that passes for debate on MN nowadays.

beachyhead · 11/10/2004 17:30

Hope you stay - I know the smoking in the garden thread had a bit of ding dong in it, but with emotive subjects such as smoking, people have very strong opinions and emotions. Hopefully you can stay on the threads where you find the most help - you've made lots of friends on here it seems from the response.

JoolsToo · 11/10/2004 17:31

TraceyP - you always seem to post sensible messages to me - why are you upset? Please don't be - people ignore me all the time (and I've been called 'crass') - so what? I'll live (maybe I've got elephant skin) Come on girl, show em what you're made of!

We're people you don't know and will never meet so don't let it bother you - its just a bit of banter. We'll miss you if go

lalaa · 11/10/2004 17:38

As a fellow lurker (most of the time) and a moderator, I want to say please stay. I've been here for two and half years and mumsnet has been an absolute godsend. It has changed in that time, but mostly for the better - lots more people = lots more opinions, but also, and more importantly, lots more advice and support. I do acknowledge what you're saying, and do appreciate that when you are feeling low in RL, it's very hard to come online and to receive negative feedback, but I think the idea soapbox has suggested (just looking at the Feeling Low topics) is a good one to keep in contact with people and to keep yourself feeling sane. I had some PND, and I know that you need your support systems to keep you going. There really are some great people here.
I hope you stay. I've seen some of your posts and think mumsnet is a better place with you here!

tammybear · 11/10/2004 17:39

Ive been here since April and still wonder if people like me on here or not. But even if they didn't, I doubt it would stop me from posting. There have been some heated discussions on here lately, but do remember the majority of the threads on here are good. And there are people that genuirely care for you on here and want to support you.

JoolsToo · 11/10/2004 17:41

I like you tammybear

tammybear · 11/10/2004 17:41

heehee joolstoo, thanks, i like you too

fearful · 11/10/2004 17:43

And I totally agree with you on the smoking...

Imdepressedtoopleasestay · 11/10/2004 17:51

TraceyP, stay.

I've changed my name for this because I find it very very hard to talk about the problems I have had, even on an anonymous site.

Depression made me lose ALL my self confidence and self belief. I couldn't/wouldn't see friends (some of whom got really fed up and angry with me, others have stuck it out and are still friends).

Mumsnet has been/is one of my ways back into the world. Some of what goes on here ( particularly recently) I have found really difficult, even when its not directed at me. I've lost a lot of my reasonably tough outer shell through depression and its only just starting to replace itself. I've become scared of posting on certain threads, even though I'm interested because if I'm shot down in flames by an aggressive posting, I'm up all night thinking I'm useless/worthless/have no valid opinions etc.

But, on the whole, I think Mumsnet is still brilliant and supportive.

At the mo, I'm posting less as a self protective thing and hoping that things will calm down.

Maybe have a break from posting for a few days and come back on when you feel ready.

((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))) to you.

Skate · 11/10/2004 18:19

TraceyP - don't go! Like others have said, why not lurk a bit and skip the posting for a while?

I too want to hear how your 'wench' costume goes down!

Got to go - screaming baby - don't know what's up with him today!

PS - Tammybear, I like you!!!

jampot · 11/10/2004 18:21

Tammybear I like you too - but I know how you feel. I don;t feel very liked here sometimes either

nutcracker · 11/10/2004 18:23

Jampot - I think you are brilliant, fandabbydozy, wonderful.....need i go on

coppertop · 11/10/2004 18:40

I'd join a Jampot fan club too!