Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

My husbands wants me back but I'm in a relationship

28 replies

carls28 · 03/03/2020 07:30

I left my husband 14 months ago because the constant arguing was draining me. There was no affection we were just living together really.

We have a 6 year old.

Since leaving my husband alllots happened, he's signed the house over to me and he's living with his parents

Since the split, I have got into a relationship with someone else, and I feel really loved, we don't argue, things seem simple and easy however I've been told he cheated at Christmas, which he denies. I have also caught him lying about silly little things. He admittedly had two affairs behind his wife's back, and I know how much attention he gets off women from working with him previously. This guys says I'm the person he wants to be with for the rest of his life. I'm besotted with him but there's something I'm unsure about with him. I don't trust him.

My husband has recently opened up to me and told me that he would love to try again with me slowly. He loves me and has recently thought of nothing but me and he's not sleeping becuase it's consuming him. He said he has noticed a huge change in me and I have turned into the woman he's always wanted me to be. (Better with money and less erratic basically 🤣)

I have given him chance after chance since the split to get it back on track but I think I hurt him too much with the split so nothing came of it and I was left to think he didn't want me, hence moving on with someone else.

I don't know what to do now, I have the father of my son: my husband desperately wanting me back, but I am in love with someone I don't trust.

I would love nothing more than my marriage to work and have my family back, but what if giving up my current love is the worst mistake ever?

Help

OP posts:
BuddhaAtSea · 03/03/2020 07:32

Drop them both and focus on yourself would be my advice.

MorningNinja · 03/03/2020 07:34

You know, you can do this without either of them. It's not a choice between the two and from your post you deserve better than both of them.

Celticdawn5 · 03/03/2020 07:35

@ BuddhaAtSea
Yup.
I bet Husbands interest probably ramped up once he knew you had met someone else

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 03/03/2020 07:39

I don't like the sound of either. Just finish with them both and take stock.

SerendipitySunshine · 03/03/2020 07:40

Definitely ditch the new bloke. If you want to date your ex again, take it slowly.

SurpriseSparDay · 03/03/2020 07:40

He said he has noticed a huge change in me and I have turned into the woman he's always wanted me to be.

Never, ever go back to this one.

And drop the other one.

You do know it’s possible to be single, right? Perhaps your DS could do without you wailing over a man - at least for a while.

SW16 · 03/03/2020 07:41

what if giving up my current love is the worst mistake ever

It won’t be.

His modus operandi is klaxon clear: he love bombs and makes you feel wanted but cheats, lies and has affairs. Sorry: he won’t change by the magic power of You, and you are deluding yourself. You KNOW he lies, you know he is a serial cheat, and of course he denied cheating at Christmas.

Instead of reeling from one man from another step back and think.

Do you still love your exH? Why didn’t the two of you try, when things were hard? Did you go to counselling, try and learn how to talk, discuss and LISTEN to each other’s frustrations?

Are you erratic and bad with money? What did you find unsatisfactory about your ExH?

But for gods sake grow up and do something about ‘being in love’ with MrCheater. And don’t involve your child in getting your life enmeshed with him.

TooTrueToBeGood · 03/03/2020 07:42

You left for a reason and it sounds like you exhausted all attempts to make it wotk. Don't be one of those people who lets nostalgic cherry picking and blind hope drag you into a time loop. I'd also bin the cheating, lying lethario as you can guarantee he will do what he's always done. It's not an A or B choice, there are other options besides these two wasters.

Lweji · 03/03/2020 07:45

You need to become single.

None of them is right.

fluffiphlox · 03/03/2020 07:45

They both sound flakey. Drop both and get on with it on your own.

KidsWorkMastersLife · 03/03/2020 07:47

Sack off the new boyfriend whatever. He’s untrustworthy.

Don’t automatically go back to husband.

I don’t like his phrase ‘he has noticed a huge change in me and I have turned into the woman he's always wanted me to be’

If you do get back with him take it slowly and be sure that you want him, and that he wants you as you are, rather than moulding yourself into what he wants or having him romanticise you now that he doesn’t have you

Noodlenosefraggle · 03/03/2020 07:49

Think how your 6 year old will feel with you flip flopping in and out of a relationship with his dad. Both your husband and this other man seem unsuitable. Learn to be self sufficient for a bit and live on your own. You may find out who you are so you dont have people trying to mould you into what they want you to be.

joystir59 · 03/03/2020 07:56

@32BuddhaAtSea said it right. Drop them both and concentrate on yourself

Original poster
carls28 · 03/03/2020 07:58

I mean I have naturally became better with money from being independent. And that's what he's noticed.

Il be honest and say I did give my husband allot of stress when we were together by being a spendaholic, there were multiple times he would have to cover one of my bills.

I just think I have learnt so much since the split and I realise my own faults now which were clearly a contribution to how dismal the marriage turned towards the end.

I think allot of you are right through, I need to be on my own and find myself. My son comes first.

OP posts:
cherryblossomgin · 03/03/2020 08:02

He wants you back because he sees you moving on with life and he has probably realised that you can be happy without him. Remember why you split and if you give it a try do it slowly and secretly because you don't want your child seeing dad leave twice.

mummmy2017 · 03/03/2020 08:03

Honestly being single is not hard.
If you were the problem in the marriage, then maybe try dating your Husband for Six months with no sex.
Find out who you are.

Selfsettling3 · 03/03/2020 08:06

Neither soon good.

Did you raise the issues with your husband outside of an argument before you left or did you just up and leave?

Selfsettling3 · 03/03/2020 08:07

*sound

Dozer · 03/03/2020 08:08

The boyfriend is clearly not trustworthy: dump. Forget “being besotted”: you have DD to think about too. Pissing around with a cheater isn’t a luxury you can afford.

Best be single for a while. Is the divorce settlement sorted?

You don’t explain why you left your ex H. What were the arguments about? How did he treat you, pull his weight etc during your marriage?

Dozer · 03/03/2020 08:09

Sorry, DS.

SueEllenMishke · 03/03/2020 08:14

He said he has noticed a huge change in me and I have turned into the woman he's always wanted me to be.

This isn't good. Not good at all.

I don't think either of these men are good for you tbh. One you can't trust and one wants you to be his ideal version of you.

EugenesAxe · 03/03/2020 08:17

Also agree with @BuddhaAtSea. Or (sinking straight to his level), keep boyfriend around until you’re ready to move on. Don’t marry him or anything.

Pricklypear12 · 03/03/2020 08:22

Forget new boyfriend as he's already untrustworthy. Speak to your husband and take things slowly. He is the father of your child and that is what is best too. Also it sounds like you've realised that you also were responsible for the end of your relationship and have since matured so perhaps you're ready to give it another go

TorkTorkBam · 03/03/2020 08:23

Dump both.

Players are good with the ladies. They make each one of you feel like it's the perfect match, all at the same time. They are expert at working out what you want to hear and then they tell you that. You are being played.

lowlandLucky · 03/03/2020 08:46

There is a 3rd choice, be on your own. You very quickly rushed into a new relationship with a known cheat, you are right not to trust him. Your marriage to your Husband broke down for a reason, dont go back there. Your poor child needs time with just you, you need time without a man in your life. Are you scared to be without one ? Learn to love yourself.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.