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Original poster

A cleaner, an ironing lady, an au pair...

120 replies

emkana · 01/10/2004 23:20

... that's the help my friend has, while being a SAHM. Now when she and I and some other friends get together for a chat and have a moan, I just can't help thinking "What on earth are you complaining about?" She does have a three-year-old, a two-year-old and a small baby, but, wait for it: The oldest now goes to private kindergarten every day until 3.30 pm, the middle one goes to nursery every morning.
I keep thinking "So what do you do?"
Her dh works very long hours, so she says how tiring it is to do the bedtime routine on her own.
Am I being unfair and a cow? Or am I right?

OP posts:
Chandra · 01/10/2004 23:22

envy, a terrible thing...

Just joking!!!

Skara · 01/10/2004 23:23

dunno emkana but I am v envious of her! I have similar age gaps and a dh who works v long hours and no help...wouldn't mind one of the three at least

hoxtonchick · 01/10/2004 23:23

you are soooooo right.

harrassedmum · 01/10/2004 23:24

Yeah. Lucky cow. Can i share?

paolosgirl · 01/10/2004 23:27

All those people to organise and supervise - no wonder the poor thing's exhausted!
I think I'd find her bleating a bit hard to stomach too...

mummylove · 01/10/2004 23:27

lucky lazy cow

seriously id get peeved off with all those people between me and my baby

i love our time alone, i act like a plum in my pj's and she loves it.... plus i can sneakly watch bits of tricia

oh no i let it out!

Chandra · 01/10/2004 23:29

It's very stressing to organise the work of the staff!!! (No experience in domestic staff management whatsoever but, could it be? )

colinsmommy · 01/10/2004 23:31

Same situation here, emkana. Dh's cousin's wife is a SAHM, has a cook, gardener, chauffer, cleaner and live-in full-time nanny. I'd normally say thats great since they can afford it. However. . . she came here to visit, and had never had to change a diaper until then, because she's always had her nanny until then(her son is 13 mo old, she's never gotten up at night with him, left it to the nanny. She spends most of her days shopping w/o taking her child with her, and while she was visiting here, she kept pawning her child off on others, saying it was "too hard" to take care of him. She told me she just didn't know how I did it (am a SAHM a 13-mo old son)without help. TBH, I envy her the cleaner, and would love to have more time away without the baby, but cannot understand her situation in the fact that she almost never spends any time with her child.

Original poster
emkana · 01/10/2004 23:34

See I don't understand that at all, I'm like mummylove - I was always so jealous of other people holding my baby when they were tiny, would be pointless for me to have a Nanny as I'd never let her do anything! But my friend openly admits that she doesn't really like this stage, she's just waiting for her children to grow up a bit and then she says she'll enjoy it more. I think

OP posts:
colinsmommy · 01/10/2004 23:37

But will they want to spend time with her by the time she's ready to commit the time to them? DH's cousins baby doesn't say mama, he says the name of the nanny. I about fell over when I heard that.

princesspeahead · 01/10/2004 23:38

All relative, isn't it?
Probably others would think that people in your situation have nothing to moan about because you own your own house/ can afford central heating/ have healthy children/ are literate/ ....whatever.
Live and let live, I say

Original poster
emkana · 01/10/2004 23:41

Thanks, pph, I can always trust you to put me in my place.

OP posts:
Miaou · 01/10/2004 23:42

Is she maternal, emkana? I have to say, it would break my heart if my children preferred comfort from a nanny rather than me (if I was a SAHM, I mean, a bit different if I was working).

princesspeahead · 01/10/2004 23:42

I of course speak as someone with three children, a cleaner, nanny and gardener...
but no chauffeur.
ho hum

Miaou · 01/10/2004 23:47

I hope I didn't offend you pph.

I'm not very good at making my point .... personally I think that most people have a motivation/purpose in life. It may be to work, it may be to be a mother, it may be a combination ... but if you do not work, yet do not do the mother bit either, then what would your motivation be in that situation?

I don't think I've expressed that very well...sigh

jampot · 01/10/2004 23:48

my boss and his wife have a cleaner, gardener, dog walker, nanny and have 2 children aged 1 and 3 but they had all that when it was just baby 1 and she's a SAHM

lou33 · 01/10/2004 23:51

I have dh.

My sister has , dh, couple of gardeners, daily cleaner, a couple who live on the cottage on her estate, and they cook and do kid related stuff. Every so often a secretary pops in as well.

I'm not jealous

princesspeahead · 01/10/2004 23:52

not offended at all miaeow.
much too thick skinned to take it personally. and as we have previously established, I couldn't give a proverbial fig about what people think, as long as I'm happy with my own decisions!
and my children love their nanny (thank goodness) but love me more (ditto)

lou33 · 01/10/2004 23:53

Oh and about 6 cars , 2 dogs and 1 cat. House in spain. Sold the plane they owned though.

unicorn · 01/10/2004 23:57

Wouldn't we all want the above if we could have it?

let us be honest..

Personally (if situation allowed) I would definately have a cleaner, and a part time childcarer... because, I don't like continual house maintenance, and I WOULD like a break from my kids now and then.

I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

Original poster
emkana · 01/10/2004 23:59

Neither do I, but at our get-togethers it sometimes strikes me if she doesn't see the irony - there's another friend with three under three who has none of those things, and she doesn't complain half as much!

OP posts:
lou33 · 01/10/2004 23:59

I'd love to have as much help as possible. I would enjoy my kids more then I think. And I would love to be able to try being a lady who lunches/shops for a while. In fact I was destined to be one , but I suspect someone stole my identity. Can I have it back now please?

colinsmommy · 02/10/2004 00:01

Oh, pph, yes you're right. My problem isn't that she has these things, its that she can't bothered to spend any time with her child at all. But no, I shouldn't have opened my mouth. I just see all these discussions about SAHM's and those that work outside the house, and agree that they all have the children's best interest in mind, where I can't see that with her.

paolosgirl · 02/10/2004 00:02

I've just thought. My friend childminds for me one day a week after school, so I have a nanny! I have a man that cuts the grass for me when he's in the neighbourhood ( which doesn't seem to be very often, come to think of it), so I have a gardener! DH does most of the driving with me expertly supervising and directing, so I have a chauffeur!
I didn't realise I have so many staff. No wonder I'm so tired all the time!

unicorn · 02/10/2004 00:08

Emkana, back to your original post,.. your pal may well have everything, but perhaps the support of her dh may be more important than all these 'outsiders' who help run the family.

I don't think anyone can ever know what anyone else is really going through- despite it all looking hunky dory etc on the outside.

So I would say, just because she has all this superficial help she actually may need more - ie friendship?

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