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Original poster

A cleaner, an ironing lady, an au pair...

120 replies

emkana · 01/10/2004 23:20

... that's the help my friend has, while being a SAHM. Now when she and I and some other friends get together for a chat and have a moan, I just can't help thinking "What on earth are you complaining about?" She does have a three-year-old, a two-year-old and a small baby, but, wait for it: The oldest now goes to private kindergarten every day until 3.30 pm, the middle one goes to nursery every morning.
I keep thinking "So what do you do?"
Her dh works very long hours, so she says how tiring it is to do the bedtime routine on her own.
Am I being unfair and a cow? Or am I right?

OP posts:
Original poster
emkana · 02/10/2004 11:17

I wrote my original post to see what other people's reaction to a friend like mine would be, because I was questioning my own judgement. I do feel now that I should be less critical of her and see that it's all relative. So how is that Mumsnet at its worst? Isn't it rather Mumsnet at its best? Isn't that what Mumsnet is about, getting a unique overview of other people's opinions and viewpoints, then reviewing your own?
I'm sad that people have got so worked up about this thread, I don't think there was any need to, I think it has worked very well really.

OP posts:
Beetroot · 02/10/2004 11:24

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JoolsToo · 02/10/2004 13:29

Dictionary definition

FORUM

A public meeting place for open discussion.
A medium of open discussion or voicing of ideas, such as a newspaper or a radio or television program.
A public meeting or presentation involving a discussion usually among experts and often including audience participation.
A court of law; a tribunal.

Beetroot · 02/10/2004 13:36

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JoolsToo · 02/10/2004 14:09

Beetroot - no very true - but in all debates there are two sides and you either come down on one side or the other so you'll get strong views one way or the other.

It is harsh to judge someone and more so, someone you don't even know but its human nature when you feel strongly about something to get a little sidetracked - we shouldn't get too hung up about it!

for the record my own view on this thread is that on the face of it emkanas friend doesn't have it so bad BUT even in friendships you never get to know fully what goes on behind closed doors, I certainly wouldn't disclose personal family problems to a group of friends just maybe one special friend, so who knows whats going on in this womans life.

posyhairdresser · 02/10/2004 14:19

Maybe she is complaining to try to fit in with everyone else?

Heathcliffscathy · 02/10/2004 14:19

fgs! how can anyone possibly get into anyone's psyche/life enough to judge that they have nothing to complain about.

under that measure, none of us have anything to complain about ever as we all have food to eat and a place to sleep unlike most of the world.

get a grip.

sounds like pure ugly envy to me kkgirl when you say that you wouldn't have her as a friend because you wouldn't know what she was complaining about.

quite apart from the fact that most people (imo) would swap a houseful of staff for the presence and support of their dh wouldn't they...

but it's irrelevant...we all have a right to talk about our lives to our friends and if we feel bad about our life, then friends are there to support us through that aren't they?????

CountessDracula · 02/10/2004 14:21

Well I have cleaner/nanny/dogwalker/gardener (lined up for next year when I finally get round to getting the garden done!)

I work full time. If I didn't I would still have the cleaner, dogwalker part time for days when I was busy all day, gardener because IMO gardening is even worse than cleaning and some part time child care of some description when I wanted some time to myself. I see nothing wrong with that. (If I didn't work I wouldn't be able to afford anything but cleaner anyway though!)

My reasons - I have better things to do with my life than things I hate doing if I can afford to pay someone else for it. Plus I then provide work for others.

Heathcliffscathy · 02/10/2004 14:22

well, you certainly aren't allowed to complain to me next time i see you cd...

CountessDracula · 02/10/2004 14:22

(none of those things would be any kind of substitute for a dh who was around all the time and interested)

CountessDracula · 02/10/2004 14:22

Ahem when do I complain sophable?!!?!?

Heathcliffscathy · 02/10/2004 14:29

i know cd, but if you did
it's true, she is very uncomplaining...in fact i think you need to work on that area a bit...

Beetroot · 02/10/2004 14:33

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CountessDracula · 02/10/2004 14:38

Quite In fact I do 2 full time jobs, the one I get paid for and unpaid staff management. I think I will ask Tony if he will pay me for it

Heathcliffscathy · 02/10/2004 14:38

no joke, i used to have tidy up frenzy before cleaner came (she is no longer)...was almost more trouble than it was worth!

hercules · 02/10/2004 14:38

Another bl**dy moaner! ;)

Heathcliffscathy · 02/10/2004 14:39

look fork woman, don't start alright...

Beetroot · 02/10/2004 14:39

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hercules · 02/10/2004 14:40

Mil has lots of staff and moans about having to answer the phone!

Beetroot · 02/10/2004 14:40

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hercules · 02/10/2004 14:41

BTw i succumbed and bought a blender. It's brill!

Beetroot · 02/10/2004 14:50

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Heathcliffscathy · 02/10/2004 14:51

a blender is as good as gardener i reckon herc

CountessDracula · 02/10/2004 14:54

Pah, now that is true laziness! Blender indeed

CountessDracula · 02/10/2004 14:56

TBH I would have a full-time housekeeper if I could justify it!

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