Getting married....unromantically........

[Angeliz]

Hello me again.
So here's the thing.
We have dd aged 3 and another on the way , dp is a bit older than me and also travels every week as he works away, (by plane-train).
We are engaged but i'm in no rush to get married as i see more important things in life at the moment, (BUT i would like the same surname as dd ).
DP just called and said he's had a meeting with financial advisor who said we should get married, (just to get the legal document), to avoid disastrous outcomes should anything happen to dp. (Inheritance tax....)
I said it wasn't how i ever imagined i'd get married {obviously} and we left it at that so.......would you ??
Am just curious now!

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I meant cheaper, sorry .

Angeliz, I'm afraid I'm still confused too.

You've been putting off marriage because it's such a huge commitment, yet you (rightly) point out that having kids is a bigger commitment and you're fine with that.

And it's your boyfriend who's the romantic one, yet you're complaining because you're not going to get the flowery perfect wedding. (Is that what you're complaining about?)

Sorry if I'm being thick, but I still don't really understand what your issue is.

we had a lovely register office wedding which cost £25 + cab fare, with parents, our siblings and their spouses present. Afterwards we went back to our house and everybody had cooked a dish to share. It was really nice and I did actually find it romantic because it was about us and our families rather than an enormous party.

we got married for non romanttic reasons - been together for ever, mortgage kids, commitment was already there - marriage just tidied up some lose ends.. or so we thought... we were both really suprised at how emotional we were exchanging the vows and it did mean a lot... go for it.... you are already together with all the big things, just make sure you sort out a wedding day that you look back on as a special day and not just a day that your relationship was recongnised by law...

Getting married isn't about "proving" that you love one another - that happens every day. It's about celebrating that you love each other and friends and family being happy for you. The legal bits are a convenient bonus.

Why not combine it with a fab holiday and avoid the family feuds by escaping? Then you're in control, it's romantic, practical, memorable, legal and you'll have gorgeous photos.

I'm with Kateandthegirls! I don't understand. What is the problem? What kind of wedding do you want? I suspect if you keep putting your dp off, while saying you want to get married 'one day', he might be raising the money/inheritance thing to hurry you along a bit.

Thanks everyone.
To kateandthegirls and Aloha, i'm not complaining about not have a fairytale wedding,(don't even think i'd want one!) i just didn't envisage myself getting married because it would be better for inheritance tax.
(Can;t really explain myself anyfurther as i'm confused about it myself).
I guess i just wanted to do it when i was ready and WANTED a wedding!
Anyway, nothing is decided but thanks everyone and Crunchie, your idea started me thinking about really going to Vegas.
If we pop off for a few days i'll let you know+

I think I can understand Angeliz's ambivalence. I think no matter how much you think you're not into romantic weddings, we've been conditioned since we were girls to desire one. You can grow up to be the unsentimental type like me or (I reckon) Angeliz, yet still feel funny about getting married only because of inheritance tax. Not meaning to put words in your mouth, Angeliz. .

that's it expatkat.
How did you manage to say it so clearly??

Another vote for Vegas.We got married there as we are both fairly unromantic & thought it was silly to spend a huge amount of money on a big do.

We got married at Treasure Island & had our wedding meal whilst watching a British Galleon & a pirate ship battle it out beneath our window.Fab!

Also went to an Elvis themed wedding there too & that was great.

But he clearly doesn't just want to marry you because of the inheritance thing, does he? He's wanted to marry you for ages - it's you who is holding back, yet you also say you want to marry him. I think he's just trying to think of a reason that will appeal to your 'unromantic' nature, and it's backfired on the poor bloke! If you do want to get married to him 'one day' then why not start planning the wedding you want. If you don't, then that's a whole different story.

Hi Angeliz - me and DP had been 'engaged' for years but the time never felt right to go ahead and do it - didn't want the whole big wedding thing, but didn't want just the two of us and no family/friends either. Also felt that having children was a bigger commitment, but still wanted to get married too (can't really explain why).

Once we found out that we are expecting baby No2 next year it gave us the 'push' to go ahead with organising the wedding. I figured that since I can barely manage to organise myself and DS1 to leave the house sometimes, it would be several years before I would be able to organise a wedding once there were two children on the scene.

The fact that I will be 23 weeks pregnant has really taken a lot of the stress out of the organising (unbelievable as it sounds!) as we have an "excuse" (not that we need one!), to have a very relaxed, informal do - just how we like it - people seem to be amazed that we are organising a wedding now, so don't give us any hassle about how we should do it - perfect!! Also means that I don't have to get stressed about slimming down for a wedding dress!!

If you are planning to get married anyway and have been advised to do so for financial reasons, then maybe it's just a case of finding a way of doing it that feels right for you. Go on, do it - then we can chat about wedding plans over on the due in February 05 thread!!!

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Twiggy im not stalking you But im secretly planning a Gretna Green wedding fo when i fall pg next. So romantic i thought plus we can do it on our own without all the fuss. Its costing just under £1000 for the venue, photos, horse and cart and a man blowing his pipes.

This is the first time ive mentioned to anyone so decided to change my name so brb.

Nother vote for Vegas - i got married there 3 years ago in the Candlelight wedding chpel (gorgeous chapel right on the strip. It was just the two of us, i wore a posh dress and DH wore his suit, we had a limo there and back, got rat arsed on champagne in the hotel room then had a meal at the top of the stratosphere. We are both romantic people and decided it was our day, to be enjoyed to gether not spent faffing around guests and being on show. I am hoping DD will follow suit when she is older - it's much cheaper and you get a good holiday at the same time!

Nother vote for Vegas - i got married there 3 years ago in the Candlelight wedding chpel (gorgeous chapel right on the strip. It was just the two of us, i wore a posh dress and DH wore his suit, we had a limo there and back, got rat arsed on champagne in the hotel room then had a meal at the top of the stratosphere. We are both romantic people and decided it was our day, to be enjoyed to gether not spent faffing around guests and being on show. I am hoping DD will follow suit when she is older - it's much cheaper and you get a good holiday at the same time!

Angeliz, I think we're in a similar sort of thing. We've been togther for 4 years, have a 10mo dd and have always said we would get married at some point but I started to organise a small thing and suddenly it was 3k even with only 7 guests. And I just can't bring myself to do it when 3k could go towards a car or holiday. So I think we're just going to pop to the registry office sometime. Wise words from expatkat there - it really is about the two of you but we're so conditioned to do a big wedding involving lots of other people.

how did that happen?!
I only got married once by the way!

nowromantic, how romantic
(Especially about the man blowing his pipes)!!

Twiglett, you've done it now girl!
I'm hooked, (DP doesn't even know i'm looking as he thought i was not willing to talk about it the other night).
I have just seen about a butterfly house in Vienna (dd REALLY wants to go to a butterfly house) OR there's Lapland......

Am getting a wee bit excited now++
Thanks for that page Twigeltt+

WWW, about a year ago i said O>K, just out of curiosity i'll write a small lis of guests. Before i knew it it was like, well so+so can't come without inviting so+so.........
fee77, sounds lovely
If i did it before this baby was born though, couldn't do the champagen bit
If i wait till after though, might be a long wait.

We live in Egypt so having a baby out of wedlock was going to open a real can of worms (paper work wise). So when I was 8 months pregnant we bowled up to the Ministry of Justice in Cairo and did the deed. Me with a long skirt and longsleeved t shirt, my husband with combats and t shirt. Had a translator of sorts. Don't know when the exact moment was that we were married though - I guess it was when the chap behind the desk said "you want him?" - "you want her?" (no eye contact was made, just finger pointing). Once he'd asked if the father of my baby was the same man I was marrying , I was paid for and our thumb prints were plastered all over the piles of paperwork, we got the tea man to take a photo. He didn't quite get the hang of it so various bodyparts were cut off. Surprisingly enough it really didn't bother me that we did it like this. We'd been together for 9 years already so being "married" felt no different. I did however want our son to have my husbands surname so that was the route we decided to take.

I understand your confusion Angeliz. Me and DH got married when I was pregnant with DS1 because it would be easier - we'd been together 10 years by then. We had a registry office wedding and a lovely meal, it was a wonderful day with lots of good memories......BUT, every time we go to a wedding (greek, so all big events with lots of traditions) there is a tiny tiny part of me that really wishes we'd done it 'properly' with the dress and the dancing etc. This is so out of character for me, I am so not a frills and hearts and flowers type of person. I figure there must still be a little 5 year old girly in me, wanting to play dress up and be center of attention

At the end of the day though, I don't feel any different married than 'living in sin' and even after 7 years I'm still shocked when someone reminds me that I am.

Ikwym angeliz! Lists get stupidly long very quickly don't they? Even inviting a small number of people is fraught with possibilites for offence!