MIL doesn't ask, she tells

[Melyn]

So this is a bit of an odd post but I need to know if I'm right to be annoyed?

My MIL doesn't ask me to do things, she tells me I'm going to do it.

So for her birthday recently she travelled up North for a meal as most of her friends are from that area which is an hour away from my home. The plan was to have a meal and cocktails afterwards, I don't drink but I do like going out and chatting etc. So a few weeks ago she said to me "you can look after your SIL while I go out with FIL". So she didn't ASK me to look after her daughter, I was told to. I had my 2 year old with me anyways so I said fine and I dropped it and forgot about it until a few days ago where MIL said "on [date in November] clear your Saturday because you're going to help with SIL's 13th birthday by teaching her and her friends how to decorate cakes." Again, she did not ask if I would be willing to do this. I don't want to upset SIL and say no but I'm getting tired of MIL telling me to do things when she should ask me instead. I have my own life and my own child and I can think of 40 things I'd rather do than spend an afternoon with really loud teenagers teaching something I'm not comfortable teaching! Plus, I have a LOT of anxiety talking infront of people so I'm the WORST person to have do this.

Do I have the right to be annoyed? And how should I deal with it? Thank you x

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

She will carry on doing this until you start saying “No”, and meaning it. She will kick off/pile on the guilt, so you need to have your responses ready - “Sorry MIL, but you shouldn’t make promises on my behalf, without checking with me first. I will not be able to do X for you”

[OkayGo]

I would up the ante with a ‘hahahahahhaa... nope’

[OkayGo]

Just kidding, I definitely wouldn’t have the balls to do that. But I absolutely wouldn’t let anyone TELL me what I was doing. I would say I’ll have a check, or I’m sorry I’m busy.

[TheRobinIsBobbingAlong]

If she says something like"I've already told them you'll do it, so tough" then you respond with "well you're just going to have to go back and say 'whoops, I should have checked with Melyn first because she can't do it'" add a small tinkly MN type laugh and walk away.

[clarinstunic]

Seriously, you’ll Only have to say no about three times and listen to three rants and then she’ll learn.

I told my MIl that I was no longer going to do anything for anyone because I didn’t have any time. (She was telling her friends I’d do my job for them for free.) She sent a flurry of emails telling me to to this and that and how she’s already told people I would do x, y and z for them... I deleted the emails and ignored the phone.

Your MIL lives an hour away. Ignore her and she’ll find someone else to pick on, seriously. She’s using you because you won’t say no. Say no and she’ll find another slave within days. They always do

[noroominthefridge]

Just say no. You are an adult. She doesn't own you and you aren't her slave to be bossed around.

[Melyn]

Thanks everyone for the advice

[AllStarBySmashMouth]

Of course YANBU. "No, MIL, I am not. I have other things on that day and I am not at your beck and call 24/7."

[FinallyHere]

he gets annoyed that I'm always annoyed at something she does.

Why is he annoyed with you being annoyed, rather than her doing the annoying.

Could anything ever be more obviously victim blaming.

Repeating myself, sorry, but just say no. It will be such a relief to you & once you start, the more often do say no the better you will feel. Win win 😀