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Original poster

CAN ANYONE HELP ME PLEASE?

27 replies

BETTYBIMBO · 22/09/2004 11:17

I DON'T KNOW WERE TO START REALLY BUT HERE GOES....

I HAVE TWO LITTLE GIRLS AGES 4 1/2 AND 2 1/2.

THERE BIO FATHER NEVER BOTHERED WITH EITHER AFTER WE SPLIT WHICH WAS WHEN MY 4 YEAR OLD WAS 18MONTHS OLD AND 2 YEAR OLD WAS JUST BORN.

THEN WHEN 4 YEAR OLD WAS 2 1/2 HE TOOK ME TO COURT AND WANTED CONTACT WHICH HE WANTED! IN A CONTACT CENTRE.

THE COURT AGREED BUT IT NEVER GOT OFF THE GROUND CAUSE IT CAUSED MY NOW 4 YEAR OLD TOO MUCH UPSET.. I PROMOTED CONTACT AS MUCH AS POSS BUT SHE WOULDN'T GO IN WITH HIM.

MY 2ND LOVLEY HUSBAND HAS BROUGHT MY CHIDLREN UP SINCE MY SPLIT WITH MY EX HUSBAND AND MY CHILDREN LOOK ON MY HUSBAND AS THERE DAD (THERE OUR CHILDREN IF YOU GET WHAT I MEAN).

I NEVER STOPPED MY EX SEEING THE KIDS EVER. BUT HE STOPPED GOING TO THE CONTACT CENTRE WENT BACK TO COURT AND ASKED FOR A REPORT TO BE GONE ON MY 4 YEAR OLD (WAS 3 AT THE TIME) AS HE THOUGHT I WAS TURNING HER HEAD AGAINST HIM.

THE COURT AGREED - I HAD NO CHOICE... SO A MEETING WAS HELP FOR THEM TO LOOK AT MY DAUGHTER AND IT CAME BACK THAT SHE JUST DIDNT UNDERSTAND HIM AND WAS CHOISING TO REJECT HIM HELFSELF!! KEEP TRYING WITH MEETINGS AND MAY BE SHE WOULD BREAK..

ALL THIS WAS SO STRESSFUL FOR EVERYONE INCLUDING ME AND MY HUBBY.. WE HAD TO CUDDLE HER TO SLEEP MOST NIGHTS AFTER ONCE A TWO HOUR MONTH VISIT TO THIS CONTACT CENTRE.

THEN MY EX STOPPED COMING TO SEE HER.. AND APPLIED TO COURT FOR INDIRECT CONTACT ORDER...

AGAIN THE COURT AGREED HE COULD WRITE TO HER AND SEND PRESENTS AND CARDS ETC...

BUT GUESS WHAT - HE HASN'T BOTHERED!!! NEARLY 12 MONTHS LATER NOW...

THAT A BIT OF THE BACK GROUND ANY WAY...

I AM LOOKING FOR HELP TO GET US THROUGH WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW..

WE RECEIVED A LETTER TO CONFIRM THAT MY EX AGREES TO ME AND MY HUBBY ADOPTING BOTH GIRLS.

WE DROPPED IN TEARS WITH JOY...!!!!

BUT .. HE HAS FOUND OUT SHE AS JUST STARTED SCHOOL AND IS PHONING THE SCHOOL TO ARRANGE A VIEWING ETC...!!!!!

HE HAS HAD NO CONTACT WITH EITHER CHILD FOR OVER 12 MONTHS.

I HAVE AN INDIRECT CONTACT ORDER IN PLACE WHICH STATES I HAVE TO SEND A COPY OF THE SCHOOL REPORT ETC... BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY ADDRESS OR CONTACT NUMBER ETC FOR HIM..

AND HE IS TELLING THE SCHOOL HE IS GOING TO THE EDUCATIONAL BOARD TO REPORT THEM IF THEY DON'T GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS!!!

I AM WORN OUT AND IN SUCH A STATE.. I WANT TO PROTECT MY CHILDREN BUT THE LAW SEEMS TO LET HIM IN AND OUT AS HE WANTS....

IF I WENT BACK TO COURT DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD REMOVE HIS PARENTAL RIGHTS?

PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I GO OUT MY MIND PLEASE..

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 22/09/2004 11:20

Message withdrawn

Thomcat · 22/09/2004 11:21

Oh blimey, how awful for you all. I have no experience at all in this area and no advice or anything useful at all. I'm sure someone will be along soon with lots of advice and sympathy and support, you can count on that.

Lots of love to you - TC

katzguk · 22/09/2004 11:22

sorry no advice just wanted to send you hugs

Angeliz · 22/09/2004 11:25

I have no advice but huge sympathies.
Your poor dd {and you} to be put through that at such a tender age
If your husband adopts both girls does that not stop your ex's parental rights???

Twiglett · 22/09/2004 11:25

message withdrawn

Original poster
BETTYBIMBO · 22/09/2004 11:27

YES THATS RIGHT THE ADOPTION WOULD STOP HIS RIGHTS.. BUT THE SAD NEWS IS - THERE IS A WAITING LIST OF 2-3 YEARS BEFORE THE ADOPTION CAN COMPLETE.. WE HAVE HAS ALL CHECKS ETC.. POLICE REPORTS AND ALL THE NORMAL THINGS .. THE WAIT IS FOR A SOCIAL WORKER SO WE CAN MOVE TO THE COURTS TO GET IT ALL SORTED...

WHY IS LIFE SUCH A BUMMER!

OP posts:
Original poster
BETTYBIMBO · 22/09/2004 11:29

EVERYTIME THE PHONE RINGS IT THE SCHOOL TELLING ME THAT HE HAS PHONED AGAIN....

MY DAUGHTER HAS ONLY BEEN AT SCHOOL 3 WEEKS!!!

I AM GOING OUT MY HEAD..

I CAN'T EVEN CONTACT HIM AS I HAVE NO INFO

OP posts:
binkie · 22/09/2004 11:29

Bettybimbo, no experience but so sorry for you. There are people here who have experience and can help, but it's such a busy board they mightn't spot your question.

Can I suggest you start new threads (with a copy of your message) under the topics "Step-parenting" and/or "Relationships" with a heading like "Ex demanding contact after 12 months silence - help please" then the right people will tune in.

I'm very happy to do it for you if it might be difficult. Otherwise will bump (ie, try to keep in "active conversations") for you.

Original poster
BETTYBIMBO · 22/09/2004 11:33

THANK YOU binkie I THINK I'VE GONE IT

I'M NEW BUT TRYING!

OP posts:
Twinkie · 22/09/2004 11:41

Betty - I would say that the fact that he has had someone write to you saying he is happy to relinquish his PR is proof enough that he is not interested in your DDs life and his tactics are now just to hurt and distress you!!

I would show the school the letter so they can say to him that he actually has no write to do this and they would appreciate him not contacting them anymore and also get a solicitor to write to your ex saying that what he is doing is a type of harrassement and if he continues you have no choice but to bring charges against him.

Original poster
BETTYBIMBO · 22/09/2004 11:43

WE DON'E HAVE AN ADDRESS FOR HIM

THE SCHOOL AND ADOPTION PART OF SOCIAL SERVICES DOES BUT THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE IT TO US.

AND CAUSE HE HAS PR UNTIL THE DAY OF ADOPTION I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!

OP posts:
Original poster
BETTYBIMBO · 22/09/2004 11:46

my solictor is not much use she just says let sleeping dogs lie...

But they are not!

I have had the police involved cause he was phoning us 20-30 times a day blocking his number so in the end the police took my mobile to prove that i wasn't hanging up etc.. then traced it back to him!

still the court did nothing

OP posts:
Twinkie · 22/09/2004 11:53

Take out an injunction against him - go to another solicitor - he is not allowed to do this in terms of harrassing you and your family. Don;t rely on this one solicitor often they don't give the best advice - you obviously need someone mmore proactive and willing to pull out all the stops on your behalf. You can also get her to write to the school and SS telling them just what he is doing and enclose a police report.

As for the school tell them that if they won't do anything constructive then it is their problem and you are fine that he comes and looks round the school (outside school time just incase DD is there and it upsets her) and they can send hi yearly reports but other than that they are to do nothing - I presume they know he is ok to have indirect contact? If so they also have to abide by this so he would never get to see DD.

pixiefish · 22/09/2004 11:56

Tell the school to tell him to contact you or your solicitor- On no account must the school allow him access- it's nothing to do with them. if you have to remove her from the school and place her somewhere else until it's sorted.

harrassedmum · 22/09/2004 12:24

Sorry to hear of this trouble with your ex, have no advice im afraid but wanted to offer support. Sadly i know a few other people in this situation and the courts do seem to favour the useless fathers involved when decent fathers seem to get screwed over. Hope this is resolved for you all x

Original poster
BETTYBIMBO · 22/09/2004 12:41

thank you for your kind words of advise.. i am very grateful to you all x

OP posts:
Bunglie · 22/09/2004 13:27

Get a new solicitor.(One who specialisesin family law).
Get an injunction WITH a power of arrest.
Tell the school
And GOOD LUCK

Original poster
BETTYBIMBO · 23/09/2004 11:04

:-) I have received a letter from solicitors today saying that he has no right to contact the school directly as the consent order is in place.

Looks like things are looking up.. If he wants things changing he has to go to court and ask.. which my solicitor seems to think he won't get any more from the courts.. Thought I would share it with you all..

I have a smile on my face and feel much better today.. thank you again

OP posts:
Original poster
BETTYBIMBO · 04/10/2004 11:02

In tears again today..

OP posts:
Original poster
BETTYBIMBO · 04/10/2004 11:03

someone please help me.. I beg someone with expereience to help me.. the letter I received from my solicitors... The school took no notice of it...

OP posts:
MeanBean · 04/10/2004 11:06

What do you mean they took no notice of it? Go to the office today and inform them politely that you've spoken to your solicitor and if anything untoward happens because of their failure to take notice of the letter from your solicitors, you will take legal action against them.

They'll soon take notice.

Sorry you're having such a tough time.

MeanBean · 04/10/2004 11:07

Then follow it up in writing, either with a letter from you or from your solicitor.

zubb · 04/10/2004 11:09

agree with meanbean - go into see the head at the school, and ask why they are not complying with solicitor instructions. If you need to contact the LEA as well.
What did they do to show that they are ignoring the letter - may be worth checking that the office staff all know what the situation is, and that they have been informed of the letter.
Good luck.

Original poster
BETTYBIMBO · 04/10/2004 11:46

I am feeling very sad today, I promised myself that I would not cry another tear and yet I find myself sat in tears yet again....

I know you get bitter parents who stop eachother from having contact.. and each parent has there own reasons for it...

I'm not one of these people... I have every reason to tho.. my ex was very violent to me but I tried to put that to one side...

He changed the contact order to indirect and then didn't even bother with that.. I think he is only doing this to hurt me.. am I right?

OP posts:
Easy · 04/10/2004 12:17

What has school done? Have they told him he can come to the school. Have they allowed him to meet up with your child?

What do you mean they have ignored the letter?