A small rant about a stupid situation, re: SAHMs and childcare...

[TooTicky]

WHY is it that SAHMs are looked down on so often but people who look after children for a living are not?
I don't want to go out to work until my dd2 is at school because I want to look after her myself. But if somebody else looked after her, I would have to pay them.
There is something very wrong in this situation but I can't put my finger on the solution - unless SAHMs received an allowance for staying at home with their young children.
And there is so much legislation these days that it is very hard to find a job you can do with your child present.

this one'll kick off!!!

TooTrue TooTicky

can you get me some? I'd better stay here for a while and make sure no-one gets lynched!

i dont have a problem with SAHM, i work part time as i can't aford to stay home full time, i dont pay for someone to look after my kids but if i wanted to have childcare i am able to get 80% back through tax credits.

If i did'nt work i could'nt aford to eat each week.

I also think that being a SAHM is the hardest job, by going to work part time i get a break

i think people who look after children for a living are looked down on too.it's seen as babysitting,which is rubbish.

i don't know why people look down on sahms with pre school children.i understand people thinking mothers should be encouraged to work when their children are in all full time school but i think those who put down mothers who chose to stay at home are maybe a bit jealous or feeling guilty.

Who says SAHMs are looked down on? I think there is something in the idea of an allowance for SAHMs above and beyond child benefit - at least being able to transfer tax allowances to their DH/DP. Doesn't help single SAHMs much though.

Your last sentence: "And there is so much legislation these days that it is very hard to find a job you can do with your child present." - do you REALLY want a job you can do with your child present? I bet your employer wouldn't! Get real!

Most of the SAHMS I know have childcare too so they can go to the gym/hairdresser/have "me time" - bleurgh. Don't know if I'm peed off or jealous about that.

I feel i get looked down on for leeving my kids and going to work

this annoys me too! I want to be SAHM but need to earn so became childminder but can't claim back childcare for my own child who is counted in the number of children i look after unless i send her to someone else to look after.
now whats the point in that! Governments should give an incetive to help SAHM mums who want to work as childminders so the place our own child uses can be paid for at least a little!
(mymum suggested i got friendly with another local CM and we swopped children as far as bills went but didn't actually mind each others! there always a way round i spose!)

First I don't think SAHMs are looked down on any more than women working in childcare jobs. There is probably an element of envy/ guilt from women who would like to be SAHMs but can't for whatever reason, but that is not the same as looking down on someone because you honestly believe you are better than them.

Second, I can't see how SAHMs receiving an allowance to stay at home with their kids would solve anything? Why do you think it would?

Sorry, to clarify my last point - I can see how it would help make the life of SAHMs more comfortable but I can't see why it would increase their status in society - surely it would just create more resentment?

SAHM v WOHM with a little input from the WAHM's- WOW, this has never been done before!!!!!

ll- mine took about 3 days. I'd leave it- save your strength for the essentisl spring 'steam' clean you will do when you get it! but do go and get LOADS of those microfibre cloths for floor mopping, just the cheapy ones, amazing how dirty they get!

OMG I'm a SAHM with kids at school - I must be complete scum

yeah,i think your right.i don't think an allowance is needed.i think it would just annoy those who want/chose/have to go to work more!! i don't care what others do, i chose to stay home with my dd til she goes to school f/t but i don't expect to be rewarded for it financially!!

ahhh bless ya! tell you what if you're sooooo excited fancy a weekend in wales practicing with mine [can't be arsed to clean emoction]

I think people's feelings towards SAHMs cover the full spectrum of human feelings from despisal through admiration to envy, and each case is different. A bit like people's feelings towards WOHMs.

What is for sure is that, whatever occupation you choose to do, you need to feel that you are doing it to the best of your abilities in order to gain a sense of fulfilment for yourself and the ability to rise above the abuse that some people will always hurl at you. You can't please everyone, and some people are so competitive that they'll put down anyone and everyone.

If you choose to be a SAHM, at least make sure that you and your child are having a lovely time together. Happy children are charming and give you credit.

I agree Anna.

Actually I think the real truth is that mothers are looked down on in society. Whether working or not, we can't seem to do much right, the time and effort we put in with our children is undervalued, and we are considered stupid and uninteresting if we talk about our kids, and callous and unfeeling if we don't.

We'd do better to discuss what society can better do to value ALL mothers, rather than making a special case for one sector.

Hmmm, I'd say nursery nurses, childminders etc can be looked down on. Not so sure about SAHM's - why do you think thats the case?

I'm SAHM and I findthe concept of being paid to look after my own children completly bizarre and illogical. Its not a job!

Either get a job and put child in childcare or stay home and quit moaning. This sense of entitlement some SAHM's have is quite frankly embarrasing.

I don't agree with stay at home PARENTS, not just mothers, being paid an allowance. Low-income, single income couples already qualify for a large child tax credit - although of course those who go out to work get a larger amount in order to help pay for childcare. When I was the sole breadwinner and made little, DH stayed at home and got a not insignificant amount of CTC. Plus we qualified for other benefits.

Hence, I don't see the need for an allowance. If you're not rich enough to survive on the one-income, then you qualify for other means-tested benefits.

What I do agree with are a) lower taxes for low-income working people on the whole b) DO SOMETHING about affordable housing to rent with assured tenancies and house prices because a lot of the reason people have to work so much is due to the HUGE expense of living in the UK.

From my point of view as a WOHM, I feel I get looked down upon. Being a SAHM is regarded as being a status symbol where I live, i.e. you can afford not to have to work.
Everyone's different, everyone's situation is different - there are myriad reasons why people make the choices they do. It would be a very dull World indeed if we all did the same thing and in my opinion there is no "right" choice.

whether to be a sahm/wohm/wahm is a personal decision and once that decision is made then you should live with it!

I would love to be a sahm but i earn the money to keep my family in food and clothes! My dh is a sahd, we get no financial reward, we ask for no financial reward, if he wanted some form of financial gain he would go to work. Simple as. End of!