A small rant about a stupid situation, re: SAHMs and childcare...

[TooTicky]

WHY is it that SAHMs are looked down on so often but people who look after children for a living are not?
I don't want to go out to work until my dd2 is at school because I want to look after her myself. But if somebody else looked after her, I would have to pay them.
There is something very wrong in this situation but I can't put my finger on the solution - unless SAHMs received an allowance for staying at home with their young children.
And there is so much legislation these days that it is very hard to find a job you can do with your child present.

Oh Jellybeans !

so sorry to read that jellybeans

Thanks. I don't want to kill the thread though! Barney2, your job sounds great, I wouldn't mind something like that.

Hi jellybeans...yes it is a nice job. I've been doing it since my yongest dd was born - 3 yrs now - I wanted to do something that I could take her with me and the ladies I visit love seeing the kids - although now dd2 is at playgroup its a lot easier. It's nice to do a job which is appreciated because without people like us going into their homes and helping them out along with all the ladies that do care work (personal care etc) they wouldn't be able to continue living in their own homes and maintain their independence and for a lot of elderly/disabled/sick people living in a residential care home would be the end of them.

If you're interested in doing something similar just ring a local residential care home to you or even social services and I'm sure they'll be able to help.

jellybeans - hope you are ok esp with losing your dd in January....xx

barney2, I may just do that. It would be ideal for me and dd2 atm.

I enjoy doing it because it gets me out and about and now I've got both my kids at school and playgroup it free's me up even more. It's a nice job and very rewarding because these elderly poorly people simply can't get out their own front door due to the ailments or disability etc.

Yes, this is something I feel very strongly about anyway, and if I could do it with dd2, that would be just great.

I wish my sister was in on this- she is a nursery manager and gets my mum (unpaid) to care for her LO fro 12 hours a day so she can work. She gets a lot of comments about whats the point- especiallya smoney is clearly not an issue for them, not yet 30 but already mortgage paid. Its about more for her- she ahd PND so she needs to get out and be with other adults and achieve. She wouldn't cope at home (her Dh is abroad working much of the time) and she knows it.

She looks down on me a lot for not havng a job, even though I out-earned her before and am doing a degree as wella s caring for 3 kids.

What i dont understand is why everyene wants to look down on one another. Cant we just let other people be? Accept that teh choices they amke are right for them 9and can always be mofied if they want- if you dont like being a sahm get a job. Etc)

What we as women should be focussing on is women who are forced into life choices they ahte 9either way) because theyc anta fford the options. SAHM's who would love to work but cant find childcare. Or WOHM's who hate every second of it but cant afford to be at home.

I have no idea what the solution is, but that i think is the real issue. the rest is just a big smokescreen.

You're right, that is the real issue.

I think womens lib is to blame. Women are now expected to work full time and look after the kids full time. Not very liberating in my opinion!

Once my youngest dd starts primary school - Sept next year - I plan to return to full-time work - or atleast work within the 9-3 bracket because I do miss the working environment - ie working as part of a team, having a laugh etc etc. I enjoy what I do now but its not a career for me - its simply a way of earning some desperately needed cash and helping others out at the same time (ie the people I do shopping for).

I gave up a very well paid job to have my children, 9 years ago. I couldn't afford to continue working because it meant paying for childcare etc plus I didn't see the point in working to pay for someone else to look after my children.

It was hard financially. We had to learn how to exist on my dh's wage which wasn't easy but we have managed, so far!!

But poorer women still had to work - take in washing, etc.

womens lib is not to blame at all

womens lib was about CHOICES. Not just working but all sorts- marriage, if you want kids, if you want to live with some twunt who smacks you about. Womens lib saved lives.

Most people still do not have those choices.
Women with disabled kids have no choice but to stay at home. Women whose OH buggered off often have no choice but to stay home (round our way most jobs were shift work- notably ahrd to cover if you have no OH and no family and no deposit for the CM beofe you can claim the WTC anyway). Lots of women dont have that choice and it is that that takes away equality.

And a good eprcentage f the time its not men making women feel abd. You only have to look at MN to know that. Women slaughter each other.

You've got to remember that there are women out there who simply do not want to be SAHM's - I know of some parents who are the least bit maternal and would much rather leave their children in full-time nursery, with a CM or member of the family so they can go off to work for the day - dealing with their children for an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening suits them. I am not knocking those parents who have no choice but a lot of parents DO have the choice and don't want to play a part in their child's upbringing. That may sound very harsh but it's true.

Whilst I loved working and the independence and money it gave me I made the decision to stay at home and watch my children grow into the kids they are today and I'm glad I did.

Womens lib has given choices to those who can afford them. For those of us who can't we have no choices but the expectation that we will do both jobs is still there IMHO

I agree onefunkymama.

Even if I had the choice I'd still be a SAHM. Even if I had a line of people waiting to have my kids for me, for free, I'd still be a SAHM.

Me too.

I'm lucky, I can do my job in the eve at home while DH looks after the kids. But I get so tired. Effectively I work two jobs

Kids grow up too damn fast to miss out on their childhood....!

Well thats great you two, dont think Id change my set up either at the moment. BUT unfortunately not everyone has the same luck.

I know

I wouldn't call it luck!!! We're permanently skint, struggle with the mortgage each month, can't afford a holiday but there's nothing better than having time with my two dd's and thoroughly enjoying being a full-time (exhausted, worn out, knackered, rapidly greying) Mum!!!

Oh dear Im not getting into this.

But I still beleive having a choice is luck.

I know peopple in domestic abuse units whoca nt work because they cant let their kids out of their sight. And mums with severely disbaled kids who cant find anyone to take their kids.

A friend whose XH has never paid a penny in maintenance and has to work because the debts he left her with are not covered by benefits.

Not having that in your life- thats luck. It doesnt mean choices are easy, but the absence of absolutes is luck. We live in a rented palce because we lost our house when DH got ill. I'm lucky though, we have a roof over our head.

marthabrady - they aren't by most people. There have been some threads about how part-time workers are letting themselves down, letting each other down and letting the economy down!!! Or words to that effect. I'm a part-time working mother so it surprised me too. BTW that entire thing was tongue in cheek but it does reflect the truth to a certain extent. I was shocked when I first started using parenting fora to see how parents felt so strongly about other parents' actions re working/staying at home.