A small rant about a stupid situation, re: SAHMs and childcare...

[TooTicky]

WHY is it that SAHMs are looked down on so often but people who look after children for a living are not?
I don't want to go out to work until my dd2 is at school because I want to look after her myself. But if somebody else looked after her, I would have to pay them.
There is something very wrong in this situation but I can't put my finger on the solution - unless SAHMs received an allowance for staying at home with their young children.
And there is so much legislation these days that it is very hard to find a job you can do with your child present.

i don't understand that hmc tbh, not trying to be argumentative, just that on the days i take my dd to nursery, i'm running round like a blue arse fly and then come back to a total tip, piles of washing up, un made bed, washing basket full, but luckily then have around 5 hours to do my chores. if i had to go straight out to work, i'd have to do all that on my tired return, wouldn't i? as well as getting dd dinner, bathing her etc.

(unless i had a cleaner - which i don't and never will have)

By ConnieDescending on Fri 15-Jun-07 14:39:40
Hmmm, I'd say nursery nurses, childminders etc can be looked down on.

Why would you say that? To be honest, I'm a nursery nurse and a bloody well qualified one at that. I find this part of your post offensive actually, as though Nursery Nurses, childminders etc do a second rate job when in reality this is not the case at all.

i don't think connie was saying it was right,just that it happens my mum was a childminder for years and is now a nursery assistant.i have been a nursery assistant.i think it's true.all jobs in childcare are looked down on.it's looked at as an easy option or something for people who are a bit on the slow side to do,i think.

Thanks TM and apologies to you Connie. I always get aggravated by people who 'look down' on childcare workers, and I wrognly assumed that is what had happened here. So, I apologise.

This general attitude really winds me up. I have qualifications and am completing a degree, so I get annoyed when people make the assumption that I am a bit slow or just want to sit on my arse playing with children all day.

Could it be that the jobs are undervalued because society and government often only value that/those which makes profit or pays taxes. Hence, children, the elderly and some handicapped people are not properly valued and 'looked down' upon as they are 'non productive' economically.

I didn't say I looked down on childcare workers - just that they can be looked down on, in fact alot of the people in caring professions are e.g. care assistants, support workers, teaching assistants,

I am a SAHM personally I dont care what people think off me it is not important, I know that society probably thinks I am as thick as a brick and thats why I dont work but I dont care

I dont want my children in nursery from 8 till 6 and in before and after school clubs nor to I want to send them to play schemes in the holidays so I stay at home and live off less money

But I dont think any of the above is wrong its personal choice some people my friends included like to contribute to society by working enjoy there jobs and have more money for holidays and outings there children are just as happy as mine

Basically, any job which is associated with children is looked down on

I recently got offered two jobs for two different charities and a couple of friends both said to me not to take the one I've taken because it's too mumsy - ie it's working (very tangentially) with children and therefore is lower status and won't look as good on my CV.

They weren't being snidey, just giving the best advice they could as they saw it.

oh and I meant to say these jobs used to be easy to get before all the qualifications and standards were bought in

But CD you have sort of implied that caring and looking after children isn't a job. So it could appear that anyone in childcare isn't really doing a job in your estimation.

if you say 'can be looked down on' it implies that it's ok to look down, had you said 'are looked down on' it might not have caused so much upset!

juuuuuuuuule,

I said being a parent is not a job, being a nursery nurse obviously is.

Wisteria, if I had said 'may be looked down on' you might have had a point.

So what do you think defines a job?

juuule, I'm sure you know what a job is

Working as a cleaner earning £6ph cleaning offices is a job

Cleaning your home for sweet fa is a chore (not a job).

Aaaah so it's the pay that makes the difference. I see now. Not getting paid means it's not a job. Presumably, though, you agree that both examples are work.

ROFL Hatrick - Well done

If you can't see the difference between having a job and being home with the children then I'm not spending all evening explaining it.

This may be causing further argument but I have to say that I have never come accross anyone who looks down on a SAHM if they have children of their own - it's only ever been people who don't have children in which case, b*gg^r their opinion because they don't know what it's like.

Ive been a SAHM and a WOHM and they're both just as hard as each other but in different ways. The reason I chose to work part time is that in 4-5 yrs time when the children are in school I will want to work and my chosen profession requires continuing service to keep registered - or I'd ahave to sit exams again. It also means I won't have to go back to entry level on the salary (big drop) even though I'm not financially better off at present because we pay nearly ten grand on nursery fees even after the vouchers/tax credits.

I do wonder if some of the 'feeling looked down on' is internally generated through guilt becuase society has 'programmed' us to think we ought be fantastic mothers and great workers - is it possible some of this is us projecting our own self-doubt on other people?

People only look down on SAHM's because they have issues with their situation. It works both ways I also know SAHM's who look down on WOHM because they feel resentful about their situation.

I am currently a SAHM will hopefully be a WOHM soon and I couldn't give a monkeys what anyone else does.

No - I can see that difference as you see it. You've explained what you see as a job. The difference is getting paid.
However, I still think one is financially paid work and the other is financially unpaid work. Both require time and energy input. Both deserve recognition and respect.

im a sahm and i do not wish to get paid for it.

what riles me is when people say to me "oh so you will be jobhunting when cade starts school then?"

erm actually we were hoping to have more than one child we would love 4 children over time. and when i tell people this they look at me as if to say "god you lazy cow you really dont want to work" which really gets to me.

of course things may go completley differently and who knows what will happen? but if sahm can afford to be sahm then i dont think anyone should have a problem with it. even if their children are in full time school they have the right not to work if they can afford it.

(btw the whole job/work/chore thing is really not the issue you're making out to be, it depends which part of the country you grow up in as to how you use each word - a bit like the whole trousers/pants debate )

Good posts teafortwo and nogoes.