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Original poster

I don't know what to do :(

40 replies

Ram1989 · 26/09/2018 23:45

Two month ago, my sister told one of her mate at school that my husband touched her. We found out from the social worker and a Police woman that came to our house. My Husband said he would never to that.

So they investigate and ask my husband to come to police station to give video interview. After a week Police dropped the case. As there is no evidence.

It really upset me that my sister didnt tell and she is saying that it happend couple of times and happend 1 or 2 years ago she said. I was there for her, even told her to tell me if anyone ever hurt her. But she said she didn't say anything because she thought we woudnt believe her.

The thing is my husband had a past where he did something to his cousin when he was a teenager and the cousin was younger than him. He had to move away from the family and was on sex offender register for 2 years. We married 8 years and I didnt know about his past until 5 years ago.

I know he wouldn't do anything like that, everyone loves him, he soo caring and loving. I love you soo much. All my family does too. This has been a massive shock for all of us. I just dont know what to think because of his past, Its giving me a bit of dought. I love him soo much. I need advice please it :(.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ram1989 · 27/09/2018 04:54

I have heard cases where children make allegations up for attention. But I am not saying that my sister is making it up. Knowing how my sister is she is an attention seeker. She has always been down and upset and very naughty since she was a little girl even way before I Met my Husband. In fact that she gets mad when me and my other sister (19) hang out or go out baffles me. I always get her involve and do things with her as much as I can but its never enough and she says she feels left out. This is way I think to myself, sometimes has she made this up to get attention?

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 27/09/2018 06:55

What if she’s not ‘making it up’?

ambostraw · 27/09/2018 07:33

Your husband is a SEX OFFENDER.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 27/09/2018 08:07

The reason your sister considered moving in with you and hangs on to your husband is because she has been groomed. It’s a psychological thing and you can google how it works if you want to understand.

You should not be cross with your sister. You don’t have any right to be cross with the victim. The fact that she is a rebellious child means nothing except that she possibly was more vulnerable to grooming. It would have been a massive thing for your sister to approach you directly and she did the right thing by going through official channels to gain professional support.

Please don’t be mistaken that your DH and his cousin are all good. You have no idea how she felt seeing him even though they chatted nicely. In your shoes I would talk to her and explain your sisters allegations

mypointofview · 27/09/2018 08:12

I don't think you'll ever know for certain but you can't take a chance can you. Think I'd want to do a lie detector test.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 27/09/2018 08:14

What he did must have been serious to have been placed on the sex offenders register. How old was the cousin? You said she was a teenager but was she 13 or 16? You can probably work out her age from the year your husband committed the offence (bearing in mind these things take ages in court) or his age.

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 27/09/2018 08:16

Well fate knew what it was doing when you couldn't get pregnant....

Snowymountainsalways · 27/09/2018 08:20

You need to leave this man, and thank the heavens above you didn't have children together.

He is a sex offender and he has reoffended clearly, there may not be the evidence to support a criminal case but that does not mean he didn't do it.

awesmum · 27/09/2018 09:27

So your husband has a history of not telling you the truth, you sister doesn't and your not sure?

Imagine you have a child with your husband you would FOREVER be conscious of what he is and isn't doing to her.

Personally I would go to my sister and apologise that 2 months ago you didn't kick him to the curb. Pack his stuff and get rid.

Don't underestimate the facts, your husband sexually assaulted your sister.

ambostraw · 27/09/2018 09:32

OP, your thread is really worrying. You seem to be in denial/seriously minimising here to suit your ideals of this man.

He has, in all likelihood, groomed you as well. It's not normal to be accepting of sex offences; it's really not. He has conditioned you into thinking what he did was acceptable, excusable and ok. It was not ok. Not the and not now.

yellowspottedwellies · 27/09/2018 11:15

Is this thread for real?

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 27/09/2018 11:20

You seem to be calling your sister a liar.

Your husband has form and this probably won't be the last allegation.

Think very carefully how you are going to proceed. You could lose your sister over this. Your husband doesn't sound like he would be much of a loss.

CountessVonBoobs · 27/09/2018 11:26

Because they are such a close and supporting family, they forgive and forget.

HAHAHAHA right. Your husband chose you and groomed you for a reason too - your naiveté. What this actually means is that the family have refused to back the cousin and put heavy pressure on her to "make nice" at social occasions because faaaaaamily. Very common in cases of intrafamily abuse. Poor woman.

Your husband undoubtedly chose your sister in part because her troubled earlier life had lessened your credibility. Predators aren't fools and they choose their victims carefully.

Your husband is a predatory sex offender. Run far, run fast, and thank whatever gods may be you didn't have a child to him.

Racecardriver · 27/09/2018 11:32

Just leave him. It's true that she may be making it up but you have every reason to believe that she isn't. Re clinging on to him/not telling you sooner maybe she was happy for him to do it at the time and had only just realised how wrong it is/maybe her friend forced her to go to the police. This kind of stuff happens all the time. Especially to younger girls who aren't that emotionally stable, very easy to groom.

RB68 · 27/09/2018 11:41

There will always be a niggle of doubt either way but if you want children can you be sure he won't interfere with them or can social services be sure. I think the risk is too high and you need to cut your losses now - sad but you cannot take that risk it is too damaging for children going forward

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