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Original poster

Devastated by a strangers comments

33 replies

KitKatDotty · 02/09/2018 17:03

First time posting so apologies if I get it wrong!

Went out to lunch today with my DH, DS and parents for their wedding anniversary. They see us regularly but when we are all together we always try to let them have as much time and cuddles with DS as obviously he sees me and DH far more.

So, at the end of the meal this old lady who is out with her son and has been speaking loudly enough for all nearby people to hear all the way through, says “the parents have not been paying any interest to the child and leaving it all to the grandmother”....while we were sat at the table next to them and in full earshot. (I heard part of it but not all of it otherwise I would have said something there and then).

Now this true - we were letting DSs grandparents take the lead with feeding him and look at his books with him and get as many cuddles as they could. DS was very well behaved and not causing any fuss or noise (above what a normal 15 month old would).

I was so upset that some stranger assumes the dynamics of my family and thinks I am uninterested in my DS - and not only that, but say it loud enough for me to hear. It’s not only rude but plain mean and hurtful.

Now I am aware that she does not know I have taken a career break, that I willingly spend all day every day with DS, that I have never spent a night apart from him and that I am having the time of my life with my baby.

But, AIBU to think that that was out of line and mean, plain and simple? Why does someone think it’s ok to do something like that?

OP posts:
FaFoutis · 02/09/2018 17:06

It's a very small thing to get upset over. Is there something else going on?

AnduinsGirl · 02/09/2018 17:10

I don't think it's a small thing at all. How dare some stranger loudly comment on a snapshot of their family life? Implying she couldn't give a toss about her child, leaving the grandparents to pick up the care.
And yet again it's another cowardly individual who chooses to comment within earshot rather than a) STFU and MHOB or b) comment directly to the people involved.

Original poster
KitKatDotty · 02/09/2018 17:11

Sorry to disappoint FaFoutis, nothing whatsoever. Just a rubbish end to a lovely weekend for me due to some mean-spirited comments. And I don’t think it’s a very small thing to be accused of ignoring your child.

OP posts:
LARLARLAND · 02/09/2018 17:13

That’s not a small thing to get worried about! I would be really upset at a stranger making such an unkind and unfair judgement on a situation they have absolutely no real knowledge of!

nhssecretary · 02/09/2018 17:14

How rude.
I would have cried and I wouldn't have confronted her. I melt when people are awful to me.

I always feel embarrassed with my son as well when we are out as a family. Totally understand.
You are enough. And you do love your son.
Focus on being a good mom and spend time with your husband and child tonight.

mimibunz · 02/09/2018 17:14

She was out of line and mean spirited. I suppose sometimes as humans we lay our own issues at the door of a complete stranger because they appear, in the moment, to embody everything wrong with the world. But you know yourself and your relationship with your children. Please try to set it aside as it has already caused you way too much angst! Smile

FaFoutis · 02/09/2018 17:15

Maybe I just don't care what people think that much, I usually assume its the speaker's issue projected onto the situation. So the woman wants the son to tell her she was a good, attentive mother.
Or you are a perfectionist and this comment was the fly in the otherwise perfect ice cream of your weekend.

Lindy2 · 02/09/2018 17:17

She was rude and it was a daft comment for her to make. However, you don't know her and will almost certainly never see her again and therefore her opinion shouldn't matter to you in the slightest.
You know what you were doing was exactly right for your family. That's all that counts.

Holidayshopping · 02/09/2018 17:20

If it was in full earshot of your table, I’m surprised one of you didn’t correct her! I would have done.

guiltynetter · 02/09/2018 17:23

i don’t know if i’m a narky bugger but instead of upsetting me this would have made me angry! you know it’s not true, so why not correct her while you were there? you didn’t need to make a big deal/row of it. i definitely would have said something.

Original poster
KitKatDotty · 02/09/2018 17:23

I didn't hear that part Holidayshopping as I was putting DS in his pushchair and everyone else was too polite to say anything to an old lady

OP posts:
PouchofDouglas · 02/09/2018 17:25

Good god. Park it and move on

Original poster
KitKatDotty · 02/09/2018 17:26

Guiltynetter, I was fuming and if we hadn't left, I would have said something. Not rudely as that would have taken me down to her level but explained that I want my child and his grandparents to be as close as they can. Not everyone gets that opportunity.

OP posts:
LusaCole · 02/09/2018 17:27

Ah that would have upset me too OP! Try not to let it bother you though, you know it's not true and who cares what some random interfering stranger thinks. Don't let it spoil your nice meal out.

HettieBettie · 02/09/2018 17:28

Says more about her! Sounds like she was very jealous of other people having a lovely time with their Grandchildren OP.

Don’t worry about this another minute! You know your parents loved every second and hug and hand hold x

yummyeclair · 02/09/2018 17:33

I think the woman who made the mean comments was Not paying enough attention to her family and friends and is probably has a personality that is not nice to people generally. I agree it was embrassing for you but most people will not assume she is right so don't let it be on your mind any longer. You know you are a wonderful parent and daughter in law - you don't need to justify it to anyone. It is none of her business - unfortunately growing a thick skin is part of parenting. Enjoy the rest of your maternity leave.

yummyeclair · 02/09/2018 17:35

Meant to type daughter not daughter in law!

LuckyDiamond · 02/09/2018 17:37

Not nice but OP you need to learn not to give a shiny shite about what others’ think. Especially randoms.

welshmist · 02/09/2018 17:38

I wonder if the son wanted to crawl under the tablecloth. I love fussing my grandchildren, gives the parents a break to enjoy their own meal. Which does not happen often. I would have said something to the old bat if I had heard her.

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 02/09/2018 17:38

Oh eff her, love. If she has so little going on that she has to watch and pass comments on your day out she’s a saddo.

Original poster
KitKatDotty · 02/09/2018 17:40

Thanks for all your supportive comments - I've calmed down slightly now so can downgrade devastated to upset.

I know that her comments are based on a snapshot - so be it - but I would still never presume to comment on something like she did - which I maintain was unnecessary and mean.

Would I have said something to her if I had heard that specific comment? Probably yes, but I still have enough respect for another person to be polite about it. And still think, if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

OP posts:
DemocracyDiesInDarkness · 02/09/2018 17:40

This is one of those things where you recognise that it's more about her mean sprit and bugger all about your parenting.

She has no idea that your motive was kind, so ignore her. She was judging without context.

PerspicaciaTick · 02/09/2018 17:41

She was ignorant, in every sense. You will never see her again. She does not matter. Her ignorant opinion doesn't matter.

Do not let her spoil your day any more than it already has.

Gnashingofteeth · 02/09/2018 17:41

Devastated by this? OP, you should not let such things affect you to that extent.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 02/09/2018 17:42

There will be many more uncalled for remarks in your life as mother.

You cannot afford to be devastated over something like this all the time.