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Original poster

Shoes off policy in the home

211 replies

Metrobaby · 20/08/2004 14:10

I was just wondering if anyone has this policy in their home. If so, when people come to visit do you ask them to remove their shoes too? And if you visit other people's homes, do you take off your shoes or wait to be asked?

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 20/08/2004 15:06

of course if my shoes were caked in mud i would take them off without question - that's just common courtesy

hmb · 20/08/2004 15:09

TBH that is why I don't ask adults to ake their shoes off, they tend to have the sense to know their shoes are muddy and take them off. Kids are not so likley a. to know and b. to care!

spacemonkey · 20/08/2004 15:14

mind you i've just realised lou33 has a shoes off policy at home, she'll probably be horrified when she reads my comments! BUT i don't consider her policy to be rude because there's a good reason for it (i.e. to avoid trampling her ds2 with my stilettos). It's just when people, particularly people you don't know very well, ask you to take your shoes off for no reason other than the avoidance of a few specks of dirt on their carpet ... oh PURLEEZE!

KateandtheGirls · 20/08/2004 15:17

A lot of people in my neighborhood do this. They're all brand new houses and people tend to have light coloured carpets (there's a lot of beige). I don't mind. I know that if I'm going to a neighbours house I may have to remove my shoes so I don't wear holy socks. Most of the time I'm wearing sandals so I just slip them on and off.

I don't have a rule in my house. Some people take them off, some don't. Either way is fine. I usually take mine off just because it's more comfortable.

I really don't think that asking a visitor to remove their shoes is like asking them to take their top off. Come on now!

Mosschops30 · 20/08/2004 15:18

Message withdrawn

TurnAgainCat · 20/08/2004 15:18

edam, I have never come across any evidence that allergies are more prevalent in developed eastern countries (generally, shoes off indoors) than western countries (generally, shoes on indoors) . Don't you think that as a guest you should be respecting the wishes and customs of the home owners, whatever they are?

hercules · 20/08/2004 15:23

Sorry but I always ask guests to take shoes off as we have light laminate and light carpets. Every mark shows! Even rubber marks from shoes on the laminate never mind dirt. Dirt is easier to remove and that doesnt bother me as much as the scuffs which are really hard to shift.

spacemonkey · 20/08/2004 15:24

in answer to that, yes, of course one should respect the wishes of the person whose home it is. It would just put me off going back, that's all!

jimmychoos · 20/08/2004 15:31

We sed to in our flat where we had really impractical cream coloured carpets. My southern friends were fine with it - northern friends couldn't believe it! TBH it was a bit of a pain. I don't have a shoes off policy now but have got into the habit at other people's houses esp if they have small children who at at crawling/ putting in mouth stage - just because I might bring something in on my shoe I suppose. I like shoes off for comfort too.

sis · 20/08/2004 15:32

We take shoes off and if people ask, reply that if they are comfortable then please remove shoes but not to worry about it. Like others have said, if people are embarrassed/uncomfortable about it, we don't feel strongly enough about the issue to insist that they remove shoes.

xoz · 20/08/2004 15:34

I've never been asked to remove my shoes by anyone and I think if I was I would feel quite insulted. It would make me feel that they cared more about a few specks of dirt on the floor than having my company. Not worth the trouble as friends IMO.
That said, when I arrive I always check what the residents are doing. If they all have their shoes off and/or there is a shoe rack by the door full of shoes, then I would automatically remove mine and my childrens, mainly because I feel more comfortable without them on. I know my dh is quite embarrassed about the shape of his feet and loathes removing his shoes or wearing sandals so he never takes his off.

roisin · 20/08/2004 15:37

We all take our shoes off at the door, and consequently there are shoe racks and heaps of shoes in the porch! Visiting children are reminded to remove their shoes if they don't do so. With adults I don't actually mind either way, and certainly wouldn't ask them too ... that seems rude. We do have a lot of visitors, and some older people would not feel comfortable removing their shoes.

If visiting other people's houses I remove my shoes if I suspect that is their general policy: i.e. if there is a shoe rack by the door, and the hosts are in bare feet or house-shoes/slippers.

My children remove their shoes unprompted when walking into anyone's home.

PS We are northern too.

mears · 20/08/2004 15:39

This is a really alien concept to me here up north
No-one has ever asked me to remove my shoes and I would only do it in someone else's house if my shoes were dirty. I do ask the children to take their shoes off if I remember, but I would never ask adults to do it. The only thing I would ask someone not to do in my house or car is smoke.

mears · 20/08/2004 15:39

Maybe I should say I am Scottish rather than northern. I don't think it is a common thing here but I may be wrong.

muddaofsuburbia · 20/08/2004 15:40

Ok - so it's a Scottish/English thing then rather than a Northern/Southern thing - maybe?

muddaofsuburbia · 20/08/2004 15:41

Posts crossed! It's too cold to take shoes off in Scotland anyway - am a 'wegie btw.

Angeliz · 20/08/2004 15:43

I don't but i always check i'm not muddy. I wouldn't expect adults to but the kids do, (mind you, if adults were filthy i would)

TurnAgainCat · 20/08/2004 15:44

Can I be really nosy, and stress that I am not trying to be rude to anyone? I used to live in Greater Manchester and had various Indian and Pakistani friends who lived in Oldham, Bury, Burnley and around there, and they all had strict no shoes in the house rules (although I never came across anyone insisting in a rude way to visitors). Those Northerners who have not come across the shoes off policy, may I ask whether this is the case with your Indian/ Pakistani friends too?

zebra · 20/08/2004 15:47

Weird, I always go barefoot indoors, & often outdoors, too. I think Brits are obsessed by footwear.

florenceuk · 20/08/2004 15:49

We have a shoes off policy. I have to admit, I have the perception that wearing shoes inside is dirty and I can't shake that off, so I tend to take them off wherever I go. For me, it's a cultural thing (Chinese). Incidentally, my husband grew up on a farm, and grew up doing this as well - you wear muddy wellies outside and bare feet inside (edam, I'm not sure what this does for your theory!). I have a Japanese friend and she has the same policy (although she provides slippers for visitors), and also tend to take my shoes off when visiting other friends esp with toddlers. Plus when your babies are crawling you realise what disgusting things you can bring in on your shoes for them to swallow!

I ask my cleaner and my nanny to take their shoes off, but I don't ask visitors as I think it's up to them to decide - I have my shoes off and there is a huge pile of shoes by the door, so it's up to them.

zebra · 20/08/2004 15:50

...Not that I care if other people wear shoes or not in our house -- their choice, if they like having sweaty smelly hot feet?

MrsFogi · 20/08/2004 15:56

My MIL has a shoes-off policy which she explains on the basis that she didn't want her kids crawling where people had put their shoes. Something I agree with however dh is now over 30 so I'm finding this explanation a bit hard swallow (particularly as she lets her cats on the worksurfaces in the kitchen but that's another story). I'm afraid it annoys me as when I get dressed to go out to dinner with her (or others who have that policy) I make an effort with my outfit and the outfit includes the shoes yet when I take the shoes off I feel like I might as well have just turned up in jeans (which would look better with socks unlike the nice outfit which just looks silly with no shoes). + I really dislike it when I go to MIL's country house which has filthy cold floors anyway - yet still the old justification about children crawling and hygiene (there are no children crawling!)
The one place I don't feel like an idiot with no shoes on is when I visit my friends from Hong Kong who live here as somehow there it feels natural (ie it is sth they have always done whereas in Europe it just feels like someone has made up a stupid rule).

TurnAgainCat · 20/08/2004 16:08

florenceuk, your Japanese friend has an elegant solution I think for guests who feel inhibited about being barefoot or in socks; what type of slippers does she use, I mean, she sounds very polite and I imagine that she is offering attractive-looking slippers. Does she wash them, or are they just rarely used in practice and look new?

dinosaur · 20/08/2004 16:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

lydialemon · 20/08/2004 16:12

We always take our shoes off indoors, partly for comfort and partly to stop the kids treading yucky stuff all over the floor, sofas, beds etc! I have to say I can't relax with shoes on, but I like to curl up on the sofa and you can't exactly do that with outdoor shoes on.

I don't ask visitors to do it , although pretty much all the kids we know do it automatically and if anyone is there for a long time, it's more comfy without.

I tend to take my shoes off in homes where I'm going to be a while, ie MILs or BFs.