From Tanya Byrons column in Times 2
Sorry not to link to this but there is another long question and answer on the same page that precedes this one.
During a recent bathtime chat my daughter, 5, asked to know the name of her vagina, which I told her. She seemed happy with the word and repeated it a couple of times. A few days later her teacher told me that my daughter had proudly told her class that she had a vagina. The teacher has suggested that I dissuade my daughter from using ?such language? at school as some parents may be offended if their child uses it. I felt embarrassed ? as if my child had been swearing. Your thoughts?
Judith
What an extraordinary experience, which highlights how repressed we are when it comes to naming the female genitalia. I recently ran a workshop with surgical nurses who have to manage the postoperative psychosexual difficulties of their patients (both gender). We began by writing down all the words we could think of for male and female genitalia. The results were fascinating: several sheets of words relating to penis and barely one sheet on the vagina. On closer analysis, the penis-related words were often familiar words used with ease on a daily basis, whereas those vagina-related were often said with a giggle or a sense of shame (by women!).
After I read your letter I researched current terms girls use for their vaginas and I was stunned to find a whole word-avoiding lexicon out there: front bottom; twinkle; dust; nunnie; flower. Young boys race around comfortably saying penis (and anything else they can think of) as they flash theirs around! Some women I spoke to seemed to indicate that for a child to use the word vagina was to appear sexually precocious and disinhibited.
You need to help your daughter to understand that some people learn words at different times from others so that she doesn?t inherit any shame from this bizarre experience.
It would be useful to speak to the teacher, or the head, about school policy on what children can and cannot say. The answer will be obvious: nothing bullying, discriminatory, racist or sexist ? so then you can challenge the way you were made to feel about your daughter innocently using an anatomically correct term, and explain why you won?t be making her feel the same way