Am I unusual in being the only mum who had babies in their 20s?

[bobsmum]

Feel like it round here.

Ds has just enrolled for primary school and some of the future P1 mums have met up a few times. I am officially the "baby" of the bunch at 30!!

Here am I thinking I'm way too old to have another baby and everyone else in my area seems to have started their families at least 10 years later than me.

It's all either teenage pgs or 40 somethings and I'm feeling a little out on a limb at playgroup etc.

Anyone else in a similar situation?

lol, i'm 23 with 2 and i get some very odd looks fro all the 30 somethings at playgroup... most are lovely but a few make very condescending comments

i'm the youngest among my mum friends. i had dd when i was 26, i'm planning the next (and last one) to be when i'm 29. amongst my friends we seem to be doing the rounds of everyone's 40ths... and i'm just coming up to my 27th.

i'm always among older people in my circle though, dh is 42 this year, and all my colleagues except one are near 40.

total echo of what pt said.

(nice to see you pc. Xx)

pt even! lol

when people ask me if my boys have the same father (which they do) I giggle and say, sweetly "Gosh, you don't have any manners, do you?"

Pinktulips, perhaps the condescending ones were really jealous that their twenties were long gone

Colditz, hah! I'll have to remember that one

Bobsmum - I certainly wasn't criticising you!

I am sure you are a good Mum (regardless of your age!) and like everyone else you have made choices in life that reflect our own personal ambitions and desires.

I just meant that a lot of women probably felt that they needed to devote time to developing careers to a point where they could return to them after having children, which meant waiting longer to start a family - by no means the correct choice for everyone, but no doubt important for some people.

I had DS at 28 and was married at 23 to my dh who was only a little older than me. We had met at University and had student debts we needed to start paying before we could consider having a family. Still, I only worked for 4 years before having my baby and I want to be at home with him while he is preschool age. So, the only thing that I sort of regret is that I don't have very much work experience behind me - so getting a job once he is in primary school will be hard when I am competing with people who either have 10 plus years of professional experience, and/or have no breaks at all for children.

Well it is the opposite for me when I look at my old school on friends reunited. I had ds at 31 which is ancient in my home town. Some of my classmates are grandparents I am only 34! Yet where I live now at 31 I was one of the youngest in my antenatal class.

I had DD at 24 and DS at 29 so no, you're not alone - most of the other Mums of kids in DD's class are older than me

Rantum - I hadn't even seen your 2nd post about your mum! I was just musing out loud, not directly answering your post so no offence caused or taken here

When your ds starts primary school though, your peers will be starting families so you might benefit there by having a straight run at a career through your 30s and 40s (when you're so much smarter and wiser ) than your peers who'll be suffering broken nights with less energy

Somenbody said on MN recently, about past era's, that people thought they were on the shelf at 25 and were desperate to marry have kids etc by the time they were getting on 30. Thank goodness that had past.

I genuinely (and my friends) thought myself on the shelf when I hadn't met my DH at 21, even insofar as I chose to 'settle' for someone, fortunately i met Dh before that marriage or it would have been an unmitigated disaster.

I had my first at 26, exactly right for me. thers a right age for everyone, but not the same right age.

yeah that is a good point - here's hoping!

hi LotF, haven't sen you around much lately

carrots... thats what i tell myself while sending my big fake smile in their direction and ignoring anything else that comes out of their mouths

I had ds at 28 and am pg again at just turned 30. I know a few mums around my age, or just a little older.

I think it's quite an assumption to claim that women are having babies later because of their 'careers'. It's an easy stereotype to believe and an easy stick to beat 'older' mothers with.

peachy, that's a fantastic way to put it. i don't think my choice to have kids young was better or worse than anyone elses choice to have them at an older age... it was just right for us at the time.

oddly enough i find the oldest moms and the youngest always seem to get on the best and have alot in common wheras the ones in the middle age group seem to be a differant breed altogether!

Berolina - wasn't making any assumptions - that's why I asked the question. I said I knew some people had to wait a long time to meet their partners and that was a possible reason. But I 'm not beating up older mums, I just want to know where all the ones who had children in their twenties are - cos they're nowhere near me that's for sure! Nor are there that many on MN either I think?

bosmum, there are a million reasons why women have kids at different ages. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?
If, like me you don't meet the right bloke until you are well into your 30's, then you don't have kids until later. I am 43 and pregnant with my 2nd - by the time s/he is a teenager, I will probably be drawing my pension, so what?

There are quite a few people on MN who had kids in their 20's - there are over 20,000 members you know. Odds are that there will be a mixture of all ages on here.

bobsmum - you possibly didn't mean it, but some of your posts do have a condemnatory undertone, e.g. 'What's the big deal with a "Career" anyway? Is that the only way to find fulfilment?'

Yay- my first thread to have kicked off! Only been on here 4 years. All I wanted to do was query why I was on my own where I am. But no!! I have been condemning all and sundry. Controversial

But what is the big deal with a Career anyway? That's a genuine question for child free and people with children alike which I have been asking since I chose my subjects at school, all the way through uni and up to now. It's a general question about life and I don't see why it should have any play in having a family personally. Maybe I never will? Maybe I'm a hippy at heart or something.

berolina,

I am the one that brought up careers! I did not state anywhere that careers were the ONLY reason people were having children later than in previous generations. But it is true that the AVERAGE age of first pregnancy for women and men is higher than ever before.

When discussing WHY this might be, of course, generalisations are going to be made about various factors,socio-economic ones included. These generalisations serve to illustrate why trends emerge but can never tell you the details of individual circumstances.

There's no right age to have kids is there? But in some areas one or the other may be more unusual, and it's when those people are made to feel their way is the wrong way that it's out of order, IMO.

Thanks for backing me up Rantum

bobsmum, rantum, absolutely it is a valid question. tbh I'm not a 'career' person myself. Circumstances force me to work OTH but I'd much rather be a SAHM. I just think this 'career' thing is something we hear far too often, and with far too much emphasis placed on it (particularly with regard to women - I don't hear any complaints about those selfish men forging ahead with their careers ), as a reason why women are facing a collective 'fertility crisis', the fabric of society as we know it is crumbling or however else the media chooses to put it. My personal view is that issues around the way personal relationships are changing are much more influential factors. I, like you, was lucky to meet dh early.