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Original poster

Do you and your dp/dh have separate bedrooms? Or would you if you could?

132 replies

WideWebWitch · 22/03/2007 21:37

While browsing This Morning for a pic of Fern, who has apparently lost weight, I read this about separate bedrooms.

I'd LOVE one and in fact when ds is away one of us often sleeps in his room (he has a double bed). It doesn't mean we don't erm, have a full marriage, we do but I love being sprawled diagonally across a double bed on my OWN.

You?

OP posts:
bumperlicious · 25/03/2007 15:12

I thought we would have to when DH & I first moved in together. Could imagine sharing a bed with someone for the rest of my life! But now I love it, although now 27 weeks pg and more often than not one of us will retreat to the spare room (soon to be nursery) so that at least one us (usually DH) gets a good night's sleep. He often goes in there if he has to get up for work early and I'm not sleeping well.

Can't see it getting any better for the next few months but it means we appreciate it more when we do sleep together, even if it means less sleep. I think for some people space can be a make or break thing, so you should do everything in your power to make things work for you both, even if it means a bit of unconventional living. In fact I'm surprised that so many people on here do sleep separately. Just shows, you never know what is going on behind closed doors!

motherinferior · 25/03/2007 15:14

I quite yearn for adjacent houses too, Hunker.

I'm not madly good at this living with other people lark. Both DP and I look back with some longing at the days when each of us had our own flats.

sunnywong · 25/03/2007 15:14

Oooh , hark and Mia and Woody

ShowOfHands · 25/03/2007 15:22

Being all tangled up together is great. And wonderful at the moment because the weight of my 33 week bump means that there is no possible escape. evil

Bumperlicious- my sleep's very disrupted at the moment too but DH is surprisingly good about it- gets up, makes tea, rearranges my pillows, reads to me until I fall asleep again. The insomnia would be worse if he weren't there to keep me company.

Quootiepie · 25/03/2007 15:25

Hmmmm, when I am in bed with (D)H and he snores and groans, I boot him to another room but I almost always miss him, and get him back in a while later I am not sure (if he ever comes back) I would like seperate rooms, as I like holding his hand in bed, or if I have a nightmare just cuddling into him... on the other hand, I would love "my room" - have it decorated femanine (sp??), dressing table and just generally more girly. And I do like my space, but, (D)H was always good about budging over.

hunkermunker · 25/03/2007 17:52

Would be brilliant, wouldn't it, MI?

Own living room.

Own fridge.

Own bathroom.

Own bed.

Yummy!

Not sure where the children would go. Probably with DH

McCadburysDreamyegg · 25/03/2007 17:53

DH has been away for 9 weeks now (home on Thursday ) I've really missed him but I have had such a good nights sleep every night!!!!

ShowOfHands · 25/03/2007 18:19

We have separate bathrooms. Entirely different matter!

sunnyjim · 25/03/2007 19:43

god yes - own hosu again what bliss!

none of DH's wondrful 'its not cluttr its useful stuff' hanigng baout. No snide comments about the amount of books I have. No huge argument about what colour to paint the rooms, being able to do my own DIY again, putting DS to bed and having peace and quiet - no 'do you mind if I watch...'
No-one to groan at my music choices. The list goes on - oh but most importantly as Ds is screaming his head off right now. at least 2 nights of the week he would be at his dads house and so I'd get absolute peace and a good nights sleep.
I think its the way forward!
DS and me spend 3 nights at my house
DS then spends 2 nights at DH house
then DH 'visits' or vice versa for 2 nights so we can do some family stuff.

downside? well double sets of utility bills I guess.

BigmummaL · 25/03/2007 20:38

Sunnyjim - I think to make a relationship successful living apart you also need to have 100% trust in eachother. Any insecurities would make it difficult. My DP also lives in the same town as me which also makes it easier. I hope it works for you too. xx

PanicPants · 25/03/2007 20:44

I love it when dp sleeps in the spare room (If he has to get up early for work etc). That moment when you get into to bed, and it's quiet, and ds is asleep, dp is in the other room and it's bliss!!!!!

I could really get used to sleeping on my own as I really do prefer it.

But it's a slippery slope - this is how it first started with exdh, separate rooms and then eventually separate lives.

3easterbunniesandnomore · 25/03/2007 21:00

Well, as dh snores reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly badly, he often gets "chucked" out and sleeps on the sofa (which luckily is very cofortable and he doesn't mind)!
But I swear, once the Kids have flown the nest we will each have one bedroom...Ithere just isn't anything nice about sharing a bed when the other person snores so badly! I love snuggeling up to dh before going to sleep, and whatnot, but I really don't appreciate being woken by severe snoring and then kept awake by it, sigh!

kkkkatie · 24/06/2008 20:54

Hi all, just wanted to bring this thread back to life as it is just what i have been looking for. My partner and i have lived together for 5 years. Since having ds 10 months ago we have slept in seperate rooms. The reason this started is i am a light sleeper and when ds was tiny and i was up all the time, i used to get so resentful that dp was fast asleep snoring away i would never get back to sleep so i'd kick him out to spare room. Then i discovered the i was suffering with PND which doc said would also be causing sleep problems. We both decided it would be best to sleep seperatly to get some decent nights sleep in with no interuptions, the times we have tried to share beds again dp has snoored really load or (get this) started having saucy dreams and talking in his sleep (anyone else had this) which has got me even more angry.
Since sleeping seperatly we seem to get more sleep but i am concerned that we are never going to return to sharing beds and i miss it. It has created a distance in our relationship and i want the snuggles in bed back. But not the snooring, talking in sleepetc. We seem to be getting on ok which is great, so how do we move back to same rooms?

Any suggestions??

notcitrus · 27/06/2008 13:19

Hello - just found this thread.
My partner and I have slept separately since we moved in together, because he's an insomniac who goes to bed about 2 hours after me.

What we found worked for us is I get ready for bed and then we both snuggle up in my bed and chat or whatever for a while, and then he gets up and goes when I turn the light out. On weekends I tend to wake him up and snuggle up then for a while.

If I don't get enough sleep I get depressed almost instantly (and this is pre-baby...), so the sleep comes first, but scheduling snuggliness is important too.

Toots · 27/06/2008 13:42

This thread is so reassuring. Kkkkatie I've been worried about how to get back in the same bed with DH (snoring and generally neither being brilliant sleepers) but I feel fine about it again now. We've had our own rooms for two years now. Holidays and staying with friends make me feel panicky though, which isnt' good.

ByTheSea · 27/06/2008 13:49

I love having my DH next to me and we cuddle a lot and would hate to miss that. That said, he's slim and doesn't snore.

My parents had separate bedrooms for a few years before they split up for good so I also have a personal connotation of separate bedrooms as a marriage nearing the end.

notcitrus · 27/06/2008 17:06

My parents had separate beds from the time I was 7 or so (my mum had health probs so needed the loo 10 times a night and a cold room - my dad needed his sleep to work long hours, and likes a warm room and 2 duvets). They're happily married 30 years later.

Actually my parents have friends who've been happily married for over 50 years and brought up two kids - with him living in London and his wife in Paris, and the kids going to school in different cities at different points!

Even on holiday Mr NC and I now get twin beds unless they can guarantee a kingsize - getting loads of sleep is vital for us. We cope at friends' houses, etc. But when we're awake we're probably more huggy and tactile than most couples - I'll give him a hug almost every time I walk past.

Toots · 28/06/2008 18:54

That's very interesting not citrus. I think there's a big difference between different rooms and separate rooms.

Original poster
WideWebWitch · 28/06/2008 19:02

Gosh, this is an old thread. I am still yearning for my own room and still having exactly the same fantasies about the big empty room and enormous bed and being alone.

Sorry, no idea kkk.

OP posts:
Toots · 29/06/2008 08:29

kkkkatie I think the best thing is not to worry. Your baby is really quite young still and having kids can change the way you sleep (and who with forever). You and dp are getting on OK and that's great! This is your relationship to run how it suits you. If that means snuggling with DP and then leaving him to all his noisy night time behaviour then go for it! Hopefully all the happy posters here will reassure you, as they did me, that this is fine. As I say, it's still early days and if you want to go back in together you might. Muffles wax ear plugs from Boots are good. You can wear them more than once, despite what the pack says.

Toots · 29/06/2008 08:32

Meant to add... worrying about it and what it 'means' will probably add to the feeling of distance. Do you ever try to sleep in the same room?

mamalovesmojitos · 29/06/2008 21:53

dont helena bonham carter and her husband have seperate houses? i love the idea of my own room. i am single but i know from my relationship with dds dad that i love my space.

ilovemydog · 29/06/2008 22:03

just had loft converted for this very purpose (DP snores!) - my bed (white duvet with lovely feather pillows), my books, my chest of drawers with my lovely lavender smelling bras (ok, nursing ones...)

None of his smelly cricket gear or smelly socks.

Shower room...separate toilet, sink and cabinet with my stuff and no nasty Lynx...

Have room to myself. Me, and DS who is 4 months (who started snoring last night!)

Toots · 30/06/2008 14:36

Ha ha, Ilovemydog. Sounds like you need to build up another storey!

egypt · 30/06/2008 14:53

just off to bedn now.......on my own

aaahhhhhhhhhhhhh lovely

dh in japan