Gin and a moat

[paxillin]

Not by one of the Queens this time... But we can drink here.

I'm wearing them as a necklace.

Good grief. There's bling and then there's glitterball necklaces.

Anyway, we don't need them. Dragon scales are lovely and shiny, once the little 'uns can fly just get them to fly around the ballroom. (We must have a ballroom, surely?)

Very fashionable it is too. You should post a picture on instamam, my new social media platform where I share the parenting wisdom I've learnt over five whole days.

Fell asleep pleased with my jewellery. No mini-dragons on the dance floor, they are not house trained.

No doubt somebody has pictured my shimmying and put it on instamam, twatter and arsebook already.

It's gone viral! Spreading like wildfire and making everyone vomit. Still, we've had a lot of orders come through, how do we make more?

We'll have to work in shifts making them I suppose. And make more videos.

That sounds a lot like work. Can we just make a video of a glitter ball turning slowly and tell them it's so exclusive we only have three?

I had terrible Christmas tree envy as a child. My friend's dad bought a glitterball chain (electric, they turned!) for their tree. We could make a fortune, the queue will go thrice round the moat.

Light up glitter balls? Does that even work? Is glitter see through?

No, not light up. We would sell them as a package which includes a strobe light you shine at the tree. It will be beautiful.

I've been away for a SINGLE WEEK and the place is infested with glitter balls!

Are they supposed to be sentient?

Have they been in My Shed?

Oh I see. Is that a good idea? One of the dragons gets sick from all the moving lights.

------

If we shine a light at them we can all get dizzy. I have decorated the shed with them,like it?

NO _ I DON'T LIKE IT!

That is MY Shed! It is PRIVATE! There are Things In There That Must Not Be Disturbed! Glitter balls - especially SENTIENT glitter balls - are VERY DISTURBING!

I take NO RESPONSIBILITY for anything that happens as a result of Shed/Glitter ball cross contamination.

FFS - I had skull and crossbones signs, and razor wire and mini-moat with piranhas and a life-size picture of Andrew Neil, Michael Gove and The Hairy Bikers hugging a Daily Fail journalist and everything - and yet you STILL went in!

I don't know whether to have you certified or recommend you for a Duke of Mortificadinburgh Award, Pax. - but you Do Not Know What You Have Unleashed Upon Humankind. (Welcome to my world, BTW)

Soz. Was planning the castle disco. I thought the shed could be the chill out room whilst the pope is shaking his bits in the ballroom. I've assigned tasks:

Queen can organise a slow-dance floor in her boudoir.

All your shed creatures can serve drinks and do shifts at the turntable.

The dragons could do a firework around he moat.

You can mix cocktails, Schadenfreude.

I will be at the door greeting guests in my glitterball finery.

A disco?You're meant to be royals - you're supposed to have balls in the posh dance sense of the word, not blingy glitterballs.

Yes, a disco. Balls are boring. Would rollerskates be OTT?

Schadenfraud ( I think thats how^^ you ought to spell it) - um...there may have been a bit of a misunderstanding about the signs on your shed (though frankly I think you only have yourself to blame). I thought the life size pictures were adverts for whatever you were breeding in there. So as a responsible citizen, naturally I felt compelled to neutralise this awful threat to our peace and prosperity.

If you really must have a disco, at least make it a silent one so I can hear myself think - and watching people 'dancing' (I use the phrase loosely) to a variety of unheard tunes is at least mildly amusing.

No, silent disco is not the same, how are we supposed to do formation dances? It is supposed to hurt and you aren't supposed to think. Schadenfreude is mixing the drinks so your brains will be mush anyway. You could go to the Queen's boudoir for slightly more calming music.

You can do formation dances with those who have the same song on, which you can tell by what colour light their headset is showing (coloured lights on headsets sound just your sort of thing.) And you can turn up the volume as loud as you can bear and then some.

I have more sense than to ingest anything produced by Schadenfreude (unless she still has any of her stash of Toblerones left) and I wouldn't fit into the Queen's boudoir.

Oh, coloured lights make all the difference! I'm going to wear my golden catsuit.

Young man, there's no need to feel down, I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground... big twirl and everyone: It's fun to stay at the YMCA, It's fun to stay at the YMCA.

Oh dear. Yes, well, you've certainly 'put your pride on a shelf'

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Don't leave this waa-aay, I can't survive, I can't stay alive... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa bay-bay my heart is full of love and desire for you