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Original poster

Fucking mothers' day!

146 replies

gobshite · 13/03/2007 12:27

Does anyone else get pissed off at mothers' day? Or is it only shite if you're married to my husband?

I hate it, really. I hate that I either order flowers for my mother in law, or nag the husband into so doing. I hate the way the kids feel like doing something but my dear beloved can't get his arse in gear to help them to make some cards or whatever. I hate the whole patronising mess of it, the way it happens at a crap time of year, when the weather is foul, and it's the middle of lent. I wish it was either in Summer, or over!

Mm. Enough about me. What do you think?

OP posts:
dither · 15/03/2007 19:25

well, curse me if you will, but i have lovely mothers days. dp makes a nice fuss, i get flowers delivered, posh dinner made and served w lovely wine/champagne, i get lots of loving all day and usually some surprise or other too.

and you should see birthdays.

and he is fecking wonderful partner the rest of the year too.

reading about other peoples dp/h's lackadaisical approach to these occasions for showing appreciation to the mother in their lives, reminds me just how deliciously pleased i am to be so lucky and to have held out for said lucky perfect relationship. (by held out, i do of course mean, played the field quite extensively for some time, ditching unsuitables willy nilly until stumbling upon Mr Right himself)

jollymum · 15/03/2007 19:35

Just flipped through whole thread and feel sad and not happy. PLEASE can we stop SWEARING!! It used to be blanked out and I don't think for one minute that whatever anyone feels about Mothers Day/Mothering Sunday that we should be fing and blinding. Mumsnet has got really sweary lately and INMHO it's tacky and unecessary.

PSW My adoptive mum died when I was 26 and now I've found my natural mum. She wants a card with nice words and a big hug, one for every day we missed together!

BexieID · 15/03/2007 22:53

This will be my first mothers day and I will be spending it in England with my mum (and it's her birthay too!).

BexieID · 15/03/2007 22:53

Oh, and it's the start of the F1 season as well!

wotzsaname · 15/03/2007 22:55

dont get me on F1 I have to juggle my dds birthday parties around them otherwise we're on our own!

exbury · 15/03/2007 22:59

Oxo - my DB has used that one for years - they lived in the US, and then in France - and didn't recognise (or didn't do anything about, anyway) either version of Mother's Day. Amazingly, they were over last week and actually bought my mother something. Granted, they then left it at my house by mistake, so I have to deliver it, but he (or my SIL) did get something. Seeing as I have to go shopping tomorrow, I am not in much of a position to criticise

suejonez · 15/03/2007 23:00

It's my first Mothers day and the first time in 6 years I won't be thinking "maybe next year". I love, love it, love it. Bah humbug to the lot of you!

I don't care if I get a card or a bunch of flowers, I have a son instead - a much better present.

frc72 · 15/03/2007 23:00

Sunday will be my first Mother's Day as a Mum and waddayouknow, the MIL is coincidentally in town on a theatre break. So now dh is trying to work out some great plan where we all get together... MIL not very good at celebrating life, to put it mildly, so likely to end up in a) winge about FIL, b) tearful memories of dead dog c) tears about how her son has grown up

Really trying to be grown up about it, but had hoped that I would have a day of being cherished.

Soapbox · 15/03/2007 23:01

Sue - how refreshing

Enjoy your day with your new bundle of fun

nationalvelvet · 15/03/2007 23:18

Don't really do much for mothers day. My mum died when I was little so i find it a bit weird. My best one was the first when DH popped 3mo DS on the bed and said "he needs changed". Cue me muttering under my breath till I saw the little poppet kicking his legs and with "happy mummy's day" and a big sunshine drawn in highlighter and PERMANENT MARKER on his vest!! A nice thought (hmm)

snowleopard · 15/03/2007 23:43

Awww NV that's quite sweet!

But... I do find mother's day a bit irksome - I send my mum something (a small pressie like posh bubble bath, and a card) every year because I always have, I've always felt expected to and now I can't very well stop, but I resent it because I remember her making a big, manipulative deal out of it when we were younger (e.g. tearful "Happy mother's day to you to!" / door slamming etc when we were teenagers and playing up - yuk yuk yuk).

My first MD as a mum last year, I vaguely wondered if DP would orchestrate something but being DP he hadn't a clue. I got a mother's day card that DS had 'made' at nursery and that was very nice, but all in all I've decided never to expect anything or get upset about it because I never want it to be a cause of guilt and stress.

Pinkchampagne · 15/03/2007 23:50

I am giving myself a headache as to what to do for Mothers Day.
My mum will expect us to really spoil her, so I best contact my sister & if she wants to team up with me & do something.
It is rarely a relaxing day for me, even though I am also a mother!!

Aero · 15/03/2007 23:53

My first Mother's Day was the Day ds1 was born. It doesn't get any better than that. He's nine now (well, next week), and I'm happy with a card and breakfast in bed.

mistressmiggins · 16/03/2007 07:41

Just to remind all those moaning about the fact your DHs / DPS wont be doing anything for you....

some of us are divorced and their children wont even BE WITH US on Mothering Sunday

my ex went off with his mistress 15 months ago & his weekend happens to be this weekend. Didnt seem any point in asking him to swap as just confuses the children so I have accepted that I will see them around teatime.
so for some of us we would relish the chance to have the children make them breakfast & just BE THERE.

on the plus side for me, my DS (nrly 5) has made me breakfast the last 2 mornings AND I will get a lie in on Sunday morning

Happy Mothering Sunday to everyone whatever you do & like Suejonez said our present is simply our children. Who cares about housework etc - if you dont want to do it, let that be your present & worry about it Monday - or get a cleaner for the day & charge it to your DH

tasja · 16/03/2007 08:46

I can't believe the stuff I read! For those of you that make snotty remarks about your mothers - think about what you are saying and what example you are setting for your own children! Your mother is your mother never mind what she did in the past. My mother wasn't the greatest when I grew up but I forgave her for everything. She is my best friend and I know it will be the same one day for my little girl of 1 and me.My mother lives in South Africa but each year I send her dozens of flowers, a card and I phone her. I think if you can't say anything nice about your mother - KEEP QUIET! shame on you all!

snowleopard · 16/03/2007 09:56

Tasja, some people on MN have terrible relationships with their mothers - and some of the things the mothers in question have said/done are IMO not forgiveable. Mother's day can be hard for people whose mothers are very difficult. In my own case, I try to rub along with my mother but she can be extraordinarily manipulative and vicious. Some MN-ers have it far harder and some have no relationship with their mother at all. It's not always just as easy as forgive and forget.

Original poster
gobshite · 16/03/2007 10:30

Sue and MsMiggins - that's a good way of thinking about it, thanks. I'll go with quietly celebrating my own motherhood on Sunday. And just ignore the "commercialised pile of wank" as it was so pithily put

OP posts:
purpleduck · 16/03/2007 10:42

And mother's day is a reminder that all is often not well in Mother/daughter land. People should be able to safely gripe a bit on mumsnet (its in the charter isn't it??!). I am not bothered either way about mothers day, but this year i am getting a ticket to the isle of Wight Festival (as is my friend!!yay!!). Obviously, good as my husband is at getting presents, he is crap at keeping secrets!!!

cori · 16/03/2007 11:02

I love it. My own mother died many years ago, and DH's when a child. We have both spent many years ignoring it and trying not to be sad when it came along. But now we have our own family we make a big deal of it, because we know many people take it for granted that there mothers will always be there. I also try to make a big day out of fathers day too.

tasja · 16/03/2007 11:52

snowleopard, the right thing to do is to forgive and forget. if you don't do that, you can't live!

snowleopard · 16/03/2007 12:27

Well, this is really a whole other debate, but I don't agree Tasja. Some people, after many years of trying, do decide that they have to give up cut off contact with family members and find that even though it is painful, it is the best thing for them and allows them to move on.

If you had read some of the threads about people's relationships with their mothers on here - perhaps you would not think it was all that easy. Even if it's right, sometimes it's not possible. We're not talking about a few rows in the past that can be forgotten - some people's mothers have abused them, told them they wished they'd never been born, made every effort to ruin their lives, etc.

For myself, I've cut off contact with my father and for me it is the right thing to do. I can't forgive him for years of abuse, because he doesn't think he did anything wrong and he's not sorry, so I can't even have that conversation with him. Forgiveness is a two-way street.

AngharadGoldenhand · 16/03/2007 12:42

tasja - I won't ever 'forgive and forget' in relation to my mother.
I don't love her and I see her as little as possible.

tasja · 16/03/2007 12:56

snowleopard, I'm so sorry to hear about the abuse! espesially if your father doesn't think he did anything wrong! I can understand the way you feel. you don't always think about parents abusing children. It's just awfull. No one should go through something like that! just hold your head high. and if you have children, do the best you can with them, show your dad how to be a real parent!

Twinkie1 · 16/03/2007 13:01

Well DH is going to be playing in a golfing competition, DD is going to her fathers and me and DS will be at home alone - am pretty pissed off because I wanted to go to the crematorium to lay some flowers on my mums little plaque - I really am feeling it this year for some reason and spent most of last night crying over the fact that I don't have a mum (she died 31 years ago) so at the moment I would love to have one and be able to have her round to cook dinner and make a big fuss - commercial pile of shite or not!!!

You people with mums should just count yourselves bloody lucky!!!

americantrish · 16/03/2007 13:15

we're going to my MILs who lives about a 3 hour drive away from us. dh's younger and older sisters will be there and his younger brother. if its anything like the last 2 years, it'll be a miserable day for me as i'll be spending the whole day looking after and running after ds and trying to keep him entertained while we all go out to eat at some pouncy pub. (is pouncy the right word there? sounds okay. but my english slang useage isnt always great!)

yippee. i'd rather not go. but its too late to tell dh that now. :I

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