Can anyone help me get over this?

[Beauregard]

There is one thing i want to be able to do more than anything but i am stopping myself doing it.
I would love to be able to drive.
The world and his wife and do it so why the hell do i have this unrational fear of taking the plunge and booking lessons?
I had lessons a long time ago when i was 17 and had a horrible and impatient instructor ,she would tut and sigh and screech at me so i did the only thing i could and changed instructors and the new one was great but i gave up as i wasn't progressing as i had no confidence in myself(instructor agreed with me).About 2 years ago my parent's started taking me out in their car and i did quite well but then i just stopped and never picked it up or followed it on with lessons.
So fast forward 14 years and i still am a non driver.

It makes me feel so so embarrassed,it limits my career and my social life so why oh why am such a wimp?
I know that noone else can do it for me but i really do have a .......what i can only decribe as a head f* over this
I know that part of problem is that if i am being watched when im doing something then i just mess it up.
HELP

My story's similar - the one difference is that I passed my test when I was 18, first time, which shocked me cos I was rubbish at it. I then didn't drive for 14 years (went to university in London and stayed there). Did some refresher lessons when we first got the car three years ago, and did a bit of wobbling around on my own, then got pregnant and lost the tiny bit of confidence I had. Only managed to get round to it again while I was on maternity leave, but found it v. scary and only did it when absolutely necessary (ie about four times in the whole seven months). Now I'm back at work (commuting on public transport, of course) and find myself using every excuse in the book not to do any driving at the weekends. I'm so unconfident that I start shaking and panicking if I hear someone beeping ? even if it's miles away I'm convinced they're beeping at me. I had fantasies of zipping round all over the place, but I just feel miserable whenever I get behind the wheel. Nice to feel I'm not the only one though!

Botbot you can be in our gang

Pfnm, the hardest bit is beginning i reckon. I put off finding an instructor for years, - if you really want to do it, then you have to book one lesson. There's no point block booking to start with - that's the mistake i made with the nasty lady - i booked 5 two hour lessons then couldn't cancel and it was awful. This time, i just booked one, with no promises that i'd book anymore. I started by explaining how scared i was, and he talked me through some worse case scenarios, - like he explained what would happen if i pulled out at a busy junction and stalled and panicked. He said he would control the gears and clutch, and help steer if necessary, adn he'd just tell me when to accellerate and he'd take all the pressure off. Just knowing that made me feel more confident, and i've not needed him to do it.

I hate it when i see a 17 year old souped up nobbo driving, or an 80 year old who can barely see above the steering wheel, and i think 'why can't i do it? i've given birth, i've got a degree, i've had lots of responsible jobs, i'm an intelligent capable woman - why when i get into a car am i a gibbering freak??

I went with the AA. There's a main number you can call, and i explained i was a bit phobic about it and very nervous, and they found an instructor who was very experienced and the highest level
Book a lesson!

Thanks Boco it is good to know that people understand where im coming from.

Is it too late to come on board? Another non driver here! I had lessons ten years ago but never kept it up. Now in Irealand you have to do a theory test before you get your provisional, I'm spending a fortune on taxis and I know I would have so much freedom but I just have an irrational fear about it, partly because I'm losy at co ordination, your left my right etc and think if someone one beepd at me I'd have a heart attack, even though I'm fairly assertive. So if theres room for one more?

Ireland even.

losy, lousy

Hi, I havn't read the whole thread.

My DP is a driving instructor - and the one thing that I have learnt from the tales of woe he comes back with from some pupils is that there are some crap instructors out there, but there are also some very good ones. You should be able to find an instructor that you are comfortable with. If it means trying 4 or 5 ionstructors until you find one that suits you - do so. A good instructor makes all the difference - and although a recommendation (if you can get one) can help different instructors will suit different pupils. If you can't get a recommendation - look at the numbers in teh yellow pages - and then look at the adverts in the paper. Choose someone that isn't advertising in the paper - it probably means that they get the majority of their pupils through personal recommendations and don't need to advertise (especially if they are an independant instructor). Agree with others that you should test out the instructor before prepaying for a large number of lessons. Also don't be afraid or guilty about walking away from an instructor that you don't get on with.

Go on - give it a go. YOu will be amazed at how liberated you feel once you have passed your test.

Welcome Mhamai

PFNM - you are perfectly entitled to ask if they 'piggyback'. Just ask them straight out what their policy is with regads to carrying passengers in the car - especially other pupils.

Thanks Sms

pelvicfloor! I only learned when I was 30.
Had 2 horrible driving instructors when 17 - put me off for life I thought!
DH just forced me to book lessons.
I found an ad for a WOMAN instructor who specialised in nervous, adult beginners.
She was unfailingly encouraging and respectful of my huge anxiety.
I passed first time because she took it slow and I didn't rush it.
Between you and me - find a woman!
Also don't be ashamed at all - it's such a common problem - would you feel better if you called it a phobia? I felt phobic about it - ei.e. entirely irrational!
good good good luck, it's worth every moment of fear if you can bite bullet! The freedom is unbelievable.

Thanks for the welcome pfnm, I should add that I think part of my fear stems from recurrent nightmares through most of my childhood, either being nearly run over or on the run from trucks, through to my teens and adulthood of having to try and control a car that's going out of control but ffs I'm 40 in Sept, I want to blimmin drive once and for all!

hi, i just want to ffer you some encourangement.

i started my driving lessons 4 years ago, in 2002/03. was doign well ,then we moved, and then had a pretty nasty car crash involving us and 32tonne LGV. i tried again to start my lessons with a different instructor, but fell to peices on my 2nd lesson. so i gave up. that was 3 years ago.

2years ago i got started my lessons back up as dh was getting very ill, and iwas relying on people for lifts. I still couldnt do it, and again lost it completely in a car. i came in in floods of tears, saying i would never learn to drive etc etc.

but then i got funding for driving lessons as dh had to hand in his liscence because of an ICd and dd1 has appointments at different hospitals not immediantly local. so my lessons were being arrnaged for me via the family fund (charity for disabled children, dd1 needs a lot of medical care due to her v v bad asthma and eczema, they help out at times) with BSM. i was absolutly petfified. i had already done my theory at the time of applying for funding, so all i had to do was my practical test. i started my lesson in may 2005. my test was booked for sept. in the middle of this Peter had life saving open heart surgery to fit his LVAD. so had a few weeks off. Was still totally petrified. would feel sick before each lesson, etc etc.

on the day of the test, i think i had about half a bottle of rescue remedy. i had already purchased my car (little matiz, paid with for the money from the car crash with the LGV, the compensation finally came through arounf the same time), and was just so focused on being able to see peter when i wanted. and ipassed. to this day i dont know how, i really dont. but i did.

and it really is one of the best thinsg i ever did.

Thanks misdee, tbh and I'mprobably just making more excuses, now I don't know the death toll figures for road smashes in the Uk but despite, stricter penalties etc, the number of road deaths is up and that just adds to my already hatful of parnoia re driving, Well done you btw for overcoming your fears, especially after 32 lgv collision!

Bloody hell - what a long thread!!!!

So sorry if it's been said but... oliveoil recently posted that she'd just passed her test, rather later in life than the norm, and it was amazing how many other MNs had passed their tests aged late 20s, 30's & 40's. I was 31, and aside from quitting smoking, it's one of the best things I've ever done.

As many have said, just get on and book it. You CAN do this!

Ipanemagirl- Yes you are right it probably is a phobia.

Misdee- But you are a real superwoman anyway

Any of the other non driver's on here going to start looking for the best instructor?

pelvicfnm, it sounds like this has got all sorts of other things tied up in it for you (same for me in the past) your feelings are almost certainly out of proportion to the real truth of the situation.
it's just a simple skill which is learned by patient practice and it does take a little while and that's dull but true!
Just take practical steps and maybe you'll book the instructor who takes your anxieties seriously.
I called my lovely instructor and said "help! I'm a nervous wreck, do you take people like me and succeed with them?" and she said - it's a speciality!
Call a few up and see who impresses! You have to feel good about the person - that is the key.
Try not to think about it too much - see if you can just make some calls for the hell of it - too much pondering and you won't call if you're like me!
good luck
(I don't want to say:"feel the fear and do it any way" but there is truth in that horrid expression!)

This is all very encouraging - thank you from me too! It's making me think of doing some more refresher lessons, but this time finding an instructor who'll be sympathetic to my general terror. The last one was very gung-ho about it and didn't really let me tell him how scared I was.

Anyone got any hints/encouragement for driving on motorways? I would love to drive my dd up north to see my parents on my own ? it would feel like such an achievement - but go all wibbly just thinking about motorways.

Driving was like a phobia for me - I would feel sick before a driving lesson, and once Id passed, I would make any excuse not to drive. It was easier then as we lived in London, and public transport was pretty easy.

If I knew I had to drive, I would feel as nervous beforehand as if I were going to an interview! I would spend ages planning my route, and panic if I got lost or didnt recognise where I was.

it had to change when I got a new job in another city - part of the job was spending a day doing visits in a rural area, and I had to live quite a way from where the job was based. There was no way I could get out of it this time, as there was no tube to make it easy!

It was difficult at first, but as DP hadnt yet moved to join me, I had to do it.

As I said, now I dont think anything of driving around here - Im even confident on tiny country roads that I know bother a lot of people. Im not so keen on motorways, but dont have to do that much anyway.

I even drove on the right in France a little last year - something I swore I would never do.

I really sympathise - I could not understand how people could be so blase about driving, as if there was nothing to it. So good luck, give it a go.

Another thought - my last driving instructor was INCREDIBLY irritating - he used to make a little "click" with his tongue if I did anything wrong, eg drove at 30mph - he was very cautious! This also added to my levels of tension, so perhaps I passed my test that time to get away from him!

get motorway lessons.

if your a 'frail' person make sure its a lady.

with regards to motorways - do short journeys. dont put music on and dont take your children with you - the are THE most dangerous places as far as i am concerned i see death via accidents weekly. i am anethsetised to the horror of the suffereing of the family and now rather terribly thinnk " ffs, i'm not going to get home before 11pm"

golden rule - when overtaking speed up to the flow of traffic. if your going 60 in the inside lane and move out and people are doing 75 - you could be in - or cause an accident with people trying to OVErtake YOU

PFNM i am 35 and i am learning to drive,
Took lessons at 17 and crashed and it was 15 years Before i got in to a car to try again.
I can drive i just cant park and i am stalling taking my theory test.
Book some lessons and maybe we can egg each other on.

regards motorway driving, once i had to drive past a motorcycle on fire on the hard shoulder and it didnt blow up on me i was fine.

i was going to do motorway lessons, but didnt bother in the end. i had to do the M25 within a few weeks, and wad fine. the A1(m) took me a lot longer to do.

My DP always says motorways are the safest places, 'cos everyone's going the same way'. I knew he was wrong.

Hi pelvic - yes Halls is still in business, I see the car about sometimes (think its a fiesta). He may be only part time now, but I really recommend him - its like learning to drive with an chilled out, caring uncle.